Deal with it

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

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Oh no!

Black Friday??? Oh shit.

Blogshares had a crash. My cash is seriously depleted. My shares are still fine. It was the Idea market that crashed.

I went from having $105 million plus to $8 thousand something.

Time to re-build.

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Yay!

We had someone walk our dogs while we were gone. I was worried they were going to take off and pull him over. Nope! Turns out, they were very well-behaved. They didn't pull, tug, or run. In fact, he wishes his dogs were like that!! Whoa! So, of course, I gushed all over my dogs and told them how proud I was.

Also, dog-walker has a pecan tree. He showed up here with a bag full of fresh pecans -- still in the shell!! Pecans are one of my favorite nuts. I am absolutely thrilled! (Now I need a nutcracker...)

I am dreaming of roasting the pecans and putting them on vanilla ice cream...

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Thank You!!!

First of all, I want to thank all the well-wishers. It is very much appreciated.

And thank you to Cricket for sending them my way. You are so sweet!

And now for the update: None of us know how long she is going to hold on. She might hold on for quite awhile, but we -in our non-medical opinions- don't believe she has very long.

Her doctor has agreed to prescribe anything to make her comfortable. I think that statement says more than any other.

At the moment, if she is laying down, she is pretty comfortable. It's when she needs to be moved that she feels pain. Plus, -and this must be where I learned it- she isn't showing she's in pain, and she's not saying when she feels pain either. You have to watch closely for it.

I also found out more info on brain scans. I always believed they were able to scan the whole brain. Nope. I guess stuff doesn't show up on the scan until it has reached the surface of the brain. Basically, that means we don't know how deep this goes.

There is no treatment, or any way of slowing it down.

The most difficult thing was her having trouble talking. I think a person can put up with just about anything, as long as they are still able to communicate. And I guess she is able to get the really important things out. I can see how frustrated she is though.

During that last post, I was in freak out mode. The shock has worn off. I think I just expected her to be around longer than this. I have come to terms with it. My daughter is not handling it very well though. This was the grandma that took care of her the most. I'm not really sure how to guide her through her feelings. I think she is keeping them inside too much. She needs to express them in one way or another.

We are going to visit as much as possible. It's time.

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And so it begins...

My sister called today to give me an update about my mom. It's not good.

She has radiation narcolepsy (no idea if that is spelled right). The first time it showed up was last December. Just a tiny spot on her brain that none of us worried about.

Three months ago, at her last scan, it was something wavy. They weren't even sure what it was. The most recent scan was more alarming. It is a solid white line going through her brain from her forehead to her tumor in her brain stem. It is killing cells as it grows. It is now in her pain center. That means she is in pain all the time. The doctor prescribed a couple pain pills, and says he'll up the dosage (or try different ones?) if these don't work. Mom says they aren't working, but who can tell?

This will continue to grow, killing cells all along it's path. It will affect her memory cells at some point. She is going to forget all of us before she dies her slow painful death.

My step-sister is with her now. My mom is unable to really get around by herself, and is falling down a lot. She just had another seizure, but it wasn't one of her worst.
She's unable to make it to the bathroom, so she has to wear pads. I'm sure she is hating that!

We are heading out there today. Probably going to spend the night. We need to see her while she still knows who we are.

There's nothing the doctors can do to stop this.

She survives a brain tumor to be killed be something caused by the radiation that was supposed to help her.

This sucks.

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Boredom is EVIL

I took the Extreme Sex Test.
The average is percentage is 33.6100720443%. (Or 34% to make it simple.)

Know what I got? "You scored a 77.22%."

Like I said: Boredom is evil. Why else would I have tried all those things???

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I was triple dog dared

... to write a short story by Cricket. Crazy girl.

~So here it is~
(Click on the "Want more?" if you are interested in my first-go-round.)

The Day of Reckoning

Some history first.
I was looking for love. The kind that would last a lifetime. What a joke, eh? Anyway, One sad and desperate time fell on another sad and desperate time, and I felt.. well, sad and desperate.
That's when He came along. My savior. Or so I thought.

He was so charming. He said all the words I had been longing to hear my entire life. He was affectionate without being too clingy. He was sexual without being pushy about it.

And then it happened. He asked The Big Question. I, of course, said yes. He was the man of my dreams - almost. He did already have kids of his own, but I had spent time with them and loved them like they were mine.

The kids ended up being a perfect addition since I was unable to conceive. Just another way I failed Him.

But I should stop using the capital H now. After we said our vows, everything changed. He showed his true colors. I was no more than a slave to him, and a horrible slave at that to hear him tell it.
Gone were his charming ways and affection. He was still sexual, but selfishly so. He made it very clear my pleasure was the least of his concerns. He was also very clear about my past: I didn't have one before him.

The children grew up, and had lovely children of their own. Our grandchildren loved to come visit us and explore the old house.

And that brings us to The Day of Reckoning.

You see, I did have a past. A very colorful past, and I kept a record of it. Every little detail of my 'indiscretions' was written down. I had saved these journals. I had kept them in the same box marked "Baby Clothes" all these years. Well, I had to mark it with something he wouldn't be interested in, right? Also, I made such a fuss about keeping them -just in case- that he allowed me to hang on to it. Stupid, stupid man.

When our grandchildren were teenagers, they still loved to explore the house. They found the box marked "Baby Clothes". They knew they might have kids one day, and wanted to see if it was anything they would want later. It was. They found my journals. Now included in all those journals were the years of my marriage. The grandchildren could read for themselves what a mean hearted man their grandfather was.

They decided on a plan. They wanted gool ol' grandpa to finally know those things he had denied me all these years. They were going to make him listen to what I had done, pre-Him.
But these are clever children! They were going to tell all without revealing it was me they were talking about - until the very end. Then whether he liked it or not, he would know all I had done.

After many hours of spilling the beans on my exploits, and revealing that it was really me, he was stunned.
Not because of what I had done (even though there were some shocking moments).
Not because he had been married to that type of woman (although I'm sure he wouldn't have gone through with it had he known back then).

But because he finally realized my biggest secret. I had allowed him to treat me this way. He never had any real control over me. I was still the vivacious independent woman he had just heard about.

And now he knew I still had some exploits during our dull marriage. After all, a woman has needs...

Question

A blog is to be used for all those extra thoughts we have. Or sometimes it is just a place to vent until we can think straight again. Sometimes it is used to feel less lonely, and sometimes to relish the thought of being alone. Blogs are used to keep friends updated on your life, or to have a private part your friends know nothing about.

A blog is a friend to turn to when you need to just talk. And the blog always listens. Never judgmental, never hurtful. A blog is always what you need it to be. Always.

Well, maybe not always. Not the blog's fault however.

If we turn to our blogs in times of need - even if the need is just to vent, what do we do if we need to empty our thoughts about a reader of the blog? If someone does not know about your blog, it gives you every freedom in the world to post about it. Because it is anonymous. But if the person reading it knows it is about them, anonymity is gone. You then must be tactful and polite, instead of sarcastic and crass. Well, for me anyway.

When one of these situations comes up, what is a blogger to do? When we have all this stuff inside that would normally go on the blog, where do we put it?

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More Randomness

Okay. Three nights in a row of "Christmas", but something still isn't right.

I haven't walked the dogs alone since the fall. I wanted to heal first. Plus, I keep finding holes in the ground that weren't there before. I don't want to walk them and fall again. So, yep, I still feel like I need to get my gracefulness back. This really sucks. It's like having a very mild ear infection or something. Balance is all wonky. Actually, not so much balance. It seems to be centered on my legs.

If anyone has any ideas on how to teach reading comprehension, I'm all ears. Or eyes, in this case.

I think I need an escape. Just for a short time. I woke up crabby, and I haven't managed to shake it.
Maybe not so much an escape, but a big distraction... That should do the trick!

I joined MySpace recently. Mostly cuz a lot of people I hang with are on there. It's turning out to be fun! Better than other 'friend' sites I've signed up with.


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You know you want to

FSM Game

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Randomness. I was told it is a word.

I need more movies, and more of a desire to watch them.

Is it possible to give yourself ADD by channel surfing too much? I think my short attention span is getting shorter...

I wasn't that hungry for supper tonight. I hope I don't get hungry later.

I feel an urge to write erotica, but I don't have any new ideas. I do have lots of old ones...

I'm feeling restless.

Someone gave us the first Tomb Raider game, and it sure was fun - until the scratches in it prevented me from getting to the next level. Damn it.

Homeschooling is fine. We are just getting organized.

Salt and pepper are the two best basic seasonings. There are other good ones, but of the basic group salt and pepper are King and Queen.

Someone should develop a Spice and Seasonings chess set. I would play with that.

My pregnant friend is feeling sick - and it isn't just morning sickness. Her salt level is low (among other things). The way she eats her salt level should be through the roof!

I need to make an appointment in Atlanta.

I hate the cold. No, I mean really hate it. It'll be spring soon, right?

I want one of those bowls Dumbledore has to store thoughts and memories. What a fantastic idea!

I guess this could be a Blog Bowl.

Sounds like a sport.

I'm not a big fan of sports.

Now sword fighting? Jousting? Those are sports I can really sink my teeth into.

Sink teeth? Yuck.

Hmmmm.... biting.


And now we're back to sex.

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PG-13 (I think)

So here's something.
I have an unusual sex drive. Unusual like I could take it or leave it. I can seriously go several weeks without noticing that it has been lacking from my life.
My husband is more on the normal side. We have found ways around my lack of desire.

Here's the thing: I want to want to. I know if I just get out of my head, and get naked, I'll enjoy myself.

That, my friends, is the key. Getting me out of my head. I spend a lot of time there. I would invite you in, but well... what if you get stuck too? And I do have my reputation to think about.

But I digress.

This week has been different. This has been one of those odd weeks where I have wanted it -even in my head-, and made it known. These kind of times are like say, Christmas. Doesn't happen very often, but woo hoo! when it does!

This has also been one of those unfortunate weeks, where I have wanted it, and it hasn't been able to happen.

This means my frustration level has gone up, up, up... Which is great. I love it when this happens.

One problem. There is a delicate balance. My frustration doesn't continue to go up forever. And if I am frustrated for too long, it just seeps away. Back to no interest mode.

Luckily, I have a 'date' for tonight. I'm just hoping my frustration lasts until then.

I think there is a really good chance.


So, was this TMI?

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Trying something new

What do you think? Try refreshing it.

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Just not my day.

We have dogs.
Dogs like to chase cats (among other wildlife). This is all well and good when they are on their own.
But leashed dogs wanting to run? Not such a good idea. At least it wasn't for me yesterday.
Yesterday I was holding both leashes in one hand, like I always do in the afternoon. We went out to the hayfield; they had a good time, and it was time to go back in. By this time, I am already thankful they didn't find something to chase in the field. I am no dog - I can't keep up with them running, or compete with all their doggie muscles.
We come around the corner -a few feet from the door- and they saw the damn cat. As I've already mentioned, they are dogs. Dogs chase cats (among other wildlife). This was no exception.
Damn dogs.
We were on our driveway which is made of that blue pebbly pavement stuff - can't call it pavement, but it is too solid to be called gravel... Anyway, blue rocks. I dig in my heels to hang on with all my might.
They pulled, I got overbalanced, and for the first time in my life I slid into home plate. At the very least, that's what I looked like. Face in the dirt and everything. I'm not too fond of dirt-eating. Or pain.
I held onto the dogs through the entire ordeal!

And all this happened right in front of my landlord. Good god. To be hurt and pissed off AND humiliated??

It just wasn't my day.

I proved that later on. I'm outside, I'm walking, and them I'm on the ground. I tripped! Now I know all of you out in the blogosphere would have no idea how odd that is for me. I never realized how odd it is for me until awhile back when I stumbled a little. Not tripped, didn't fall, just stumbled a little. The husband went on about it, and how weird it was for him to see that, and he wasn't sure if he has ever seen that before (in 12 years), etc...

So, yesterday, I get pulled over and dragged, and later, I trip and fall on my new injuries all in one day.

It just wasn't my day.

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Gross.

I guess the cat has decided to fully adopt us. It brought us a mouse.

Yuck.

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Hmmm...

"We create that bad among ourselves. We create it; then we try to call it devil, Satan, or evil. But man creates it. There is no devil. Man creates the devil."
--Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

"Our religion seems foolish to you, but so does yours to me. The Baptists and Methodists and Presbyterians and the Catholics all have a different God. Why cannot we have one of our own?"
--Sitting Bull, HUNKPAPA LAKOTA

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Hey everyone!!

Last Tuesday was Little Diva's last day of school, and boy howdy! am I stress-free!!

It turns out when I don't have to exhaust myself worrying about homework, I feel better.
I've actually done some organizing around here. We are talking motivation, folks. Do you have any idea how odd that is? I organized and cleaned without the threat of company coming over. Whoa.

For any of you old-timers still reading this blog, you'll know how our place attracted strays. If someone dumped an animal off, they would always try to live at our house. Turns out our animal magnetism is still there. But in a different way. A cat showed up last night. It was so affectionate! It was the kind of cat that crawled up you, and sat on your shoulders, purring the entire time. It looked healthy and well-fed, so someone must have owned it. We're hoping it's not another drop off... But if it is, we'll probably have an outdoor cat of our very own. This is actually a cat I could like. Cats have to have strange personalities or some endearing quality for me to like them. I am a dog person. But not all dogs...

I guess an animal either has to entertain me, or make me fall in love with them. I'm such a callous bitch, I know. And I'm okay with it.

Today was kind of a 'me' day. Little Diva went to work with the husband, and I slept all freakin' day. I didn't mean to. In fact, I asked him to call and wake me up (alarms don't work). He did, we talked, I hung up, and went back to sleep.

I think I have more converts for FSMism. Although, one friend did have another intelligent design theory. He said, "In the beginning, there was nothing, ...and a head of cabbage." There's more to the story, but I'll get it wrong. It involves an onion though.

Okay - I'm off to shower, and head out for an Alcohol and Movie night.



Cyli - If you read this, keep in contact, okay?

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Needed to purge...

Whew! I have a second to write a few things down.

We have been deciding whether to homeschool Little Diva or not. Here's the thing: I really really really need my alone time. Usually I get that when she goes to school (summers are kinda hard on me). I'll have to give that up.
Since it is absolutely killing me to send her back to the Psycho Bitch of the Highest Degree her teacher everyday, I am willing to make that sacrifice!!

We found out today everything we'll have to do to get her pulled out of her current hell school.
We need to enroll her in an umbrella school for the remainder of the year. After she finishes that, we can homeschool her here w/o any umbrellas. We think we may have found one. It is Christian though. *sigh* We don't actually have to meet face-to-face, so that's good. We also get to pick our books, curriculum, and how we teach things to her.

Anyway.

Sorry. I didn't mean to turn this into a mommy blog.

Tell you what. I'm going to get it all out in this one post, k?

Halloween was wonderful as always! I LOVE Halloween! And while we were trick-or-treating, someone wished me a Happy New Year!!! It was very cool. I spun about, with a big ass grin on my face, and said in a happy/surprised/bouncy way, "Yeah, You too!!!!" (Not exactly original, I know. I was just so surprised!) So that made my night.
(Witches' New Year)
Little Diva went to her Halloween dance, and met her first date. (And for those of you paying attention, I never had a mommy-freak-out.) She tried to teach him some dance moves, and he really tried to follow along. I've seen her dance. I wouldn't consider that one of her skills. She does get into it though! Anyway, her date, after trying for awhile, said, "I don't think this is going to work out.", and walked off the dance floor. The end of her first date. *laugh* And in true Diva style, she found a different boy to hang with, and have the last dance with.

She reminds me of Cordelia from the Buffy shows at times.

Teacher Vent:
If I hear "all the other kids are doing it" or "none of the other kids (fill in the blank" even one more time, I am going to put a smack down on the bitch. Seriously. If she just said it to us to give us some perspective on how Diva is doing in class, that's one thing. BUT she is saying it to her.
Two weeks ago, I kept Diva home from school ...to sleep. Yes, that's right. She had been up late (as in 11pm or later) almost every night doing homework. Reading comprehension is not her strongest scholastic trait, and it messes up all her subjects. Anyway, her teacher calls me to find out if she is sick. Whatever. I told her she was exhausted. She called back later to say if Diva was awake and could make it in by 11:30am, she wouldn't be counted absent (They were going for an attendance award.). Little Diva decided on her own to go to school. I was so proud!! When she got there, her teacher was happy to see her. Later, she told diva, "That's ridiculous to stay up that late. No one else stays up that late doing homework." Bitch. Yeah, keep tearing down her self esteem for working her little butt off at home. That'll encourage her.
I hate her teacher, and I hate sending her to that classroom. We need to get her out as soon as possible. Then we can ALL have our lives back.

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