In honor of a hero

I have just found out that a friend is no longer with us. Or at least I think that is what I found out. I know I cried like I had known him my whole life, but in reality, we have never physically met.
He was a damn fine man, and a damn fine partner to his wife - another good friend of mine.
I will honor his memory.


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Hello out there Hello... Hello... Hello...

Haven't blogged in awhile.
Let's see...

I went to MN to sort through my mother's things with my brother and sister. It was the first time the three of us have ever done anything together w/o our families. It was fantastic. We all feel closer to each other than ever before.

One thing that wigged me out: My brother informed me he discovered my MySpace page. He also told both me and my sister and a mutual friend that I had 'swinger' listed as Relationship Status. I about died. I didn't see it coming. I figured he was going to say something about me being pagan or something. I am still in the broom closet, so I was panicking. I couldn't even remember what 'Orientation' meant. I played the swinger thing very cool. My sister even asked me if I was "scoping" right now. In a VFW????? In my hometown????????????? HELL NO. She proceeds to tell me I should cuz I looked hot. When I asked her if she was encouraging me, she ran away. Obviously she doesn't approve of the open lifestyle.

Is there a way to hide some of the pictures that are uploaded to MySpace? I don't want to delete them, just remove them from the public's eye. More specifically, my brother's eye. HELP!

After I got back from my trip, we started packing. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we moved again. This move was a lot easier. We were able to take several loads out before the big moving day. I'm actually typing this on Notepad, because I'm waiting for a phone line. Well, a phone jack. I'm actually craving the internet again. Maybe it's the view from my window. Nothing but tall tall trees as far as the eye can see. So much better than a blank wall. I don't feel so crowded now.

The house is beautiful. I can sit in every room and just look around. Our friend that built this house is a fine craftsman. The upstairs walls are all angles. Little Diva has her bed in a loft. What kid wouldn't want a cool room like that?? I have a balcony off of my room that looks out at all those tall tall trees. This place feels like coming home.

Because of the move, I've barely been online. I would dial up every few days or more to check my email - mostly to keep it from getting too full. I only replied to my brother and sister. No worries. I'll write back to everyone else, I promise.

All for now. Have to unpack some more stuff. Ugh. Coffee first.



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"On"

Okay, so this would be one of my "on" days.
I actually blew the dust off my Yahoo and had an IM convo today. I'm still reeling.

I've been thinking about sex again. I know I didn't say I wasn't, but I'm sure you are smart enough to put it together. The thought of sex was such a yawner, it would either put me to sleep or put me in a really bad mood. Don't misunderstand this. The man knows what he is doing. I have just been such a Grade A Bitch lately that, of course, I didn't want to get off and improve my mood. It's a theory. I'll try to keep you updated.
Maybe I need angry sex.

Anyway...

I have a busy two days ahead of me. I can't tell you anything or I'd be forced to kill you, and I really like you.

Next weekend is a Women's Night Out overnight bash. I can't wait!!! Now if only I could drink... A night w/o the husband/kid combo. It feels like a fantasy coming true. Is it really possible?


I have thought about visiting my friends. I'm not sure what the etiquette is though. Can you call up a friend you haven't spoken to in months and ask if they want to get together? And if you do get that lucky, do you tell them what's been going on in your head the last few months, or just breeze past it like it was nothing?
But then there's the trouble with the, "Oh, you should have called me." responses. Not they don't mean it when they say it, but everyone gets sick of a whiner. More friendships have been lost that way, and I wanted to be sure I still had friends to go back to when I was funk-less.

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Facing a fear

I'm in a funk. A funk I am trying to understand. There are moments, days even, when I feel like my old self. I have hope that I am finally emerging. I start to look forward to all the things I used to look forward to... But then, something will happen, sometimes just a thought, that sends me spiraling back down again.
I'm teetering between wanting to see my friends and thinking I wouldn't be very good company.

Maybe I just need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully. I'd like to come away from it checking for injuries. That would definitely perk my spirits up.
I have fantasies of being slammed up against walls, floors, and/or random surfaces (which is too noisy when there is a kid in the house).

I have been very intolerant. It's what I want, when I want it, or watch out. Maybe I just need to be put in my place.

I just don't want to be disappointed anymore. I keep hearing promises that I know won't be kept.

I have a friend that is possibly looking at a prison sentence. I don't believe my friend will stay alive for very long in there.

My world, my sanctuary, is getting ripped apart at the seams. When/If that happens, where will I turn?

I love my blog, but I am terrified to post this. How sad is that?

Being online feels too connected to the world. I've realized it's not so much leaving the house that I don't like. It's letting anyone in to see what is really going on inside me that is terrifying. I'm supposed to be the one that is so together.

What a lame thing to say. Nevermind.

Yep, need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully.

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Play it again, Sam

Has anyone out there heard of "Finian's Rainbow"?

It's an old musical with Fred Astaire in it. I grew up with it, but have only met two other people that knew what it was.

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On the road to... recovery???

I have figured out part of my problem. I keep trying to leave my cave, but every time I do, stupid people happen. Usually I don't get very far. Sometimes only as far as this neighborhood. I really need out of this area. It makes it really hard to be my happy-go-lucky self when I have fantasies of torture.
Torturing other people, I mean.

Well... To be perfectly honest, I have some of the other kind of torture fantasies too...

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Greyhound

Prohibited Items for Checked Baggage

Acids, ammunition, animals (Why would you bring an animal to be checked under the bus? "Ma'am, I have to take Spot - He ate my homework."), combustible liquids, compressed gases, CORPSES (Are you shitting me??? They had to actually say it???), cremated remains, explosives, firearms of all types, fireworks, flammable liquids, furniture, hazardous materials (poisons, radioactive materials, etc.), materials with a disagreeable odor (Disagreeable to who?), matches, merchandise for resale, protruding articles, or any unsecured articles including those in plastic or paper bags are prohibited.

Electronic equipment (television, stereos, etc.), film (flammable), and perishable items (food) may be sent using Greyhound PackageXpress with appropriate packing. Items such as money and prescription medication may not be checked as baggage and are to be carried in the customer's possession.

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MIA

Quickly:

I'm still in hermit mode.

I think about my blog almost everyday, but I haven't been motivated enough to write.

I'll be going to MN to go through my mother's things with my brother and sister. I'm really excited!

I have finally "discovered" eBay. We all have mp3 players now. I love my new toy! I can't wait to upgrade!!!

I have been finding out a lot of my family history. It's been great!

Well, dahlings, that's all for now.

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More dumbasses I have not had the pleasure of kicking in the balls

I just watched Ku Klux Klan: A Secret History on A&E.
I was so ignorant. Sure I knew there have been crazy hooded racists for a long time. Yes, I knew they targeted black people, and had a reign of terror. I've never understood the mindset of these people.

Did you know that the founders did not set out to be violent dumbasses? Nope, it was six college age dudes (not in college) that decided to form a club or a fraternity. They made up silly names for the officers and initiates. They further decided on weird costumes and secret identities. They would ride through the little Tennessee town in these costumes, and, of course, all kinds of men wanted to be part of this new club. After they had been riding through the night, claiming to be ghosts, trying to frighten newly freed slaves, they thought they could get away with a bit more.

Did you know the Klan was wiped out? Yep, Federal government kept cracking down on these SOBs until no one wanted to be a member.

Of course there was a revival. Sixteen guys got together and decided to get it going again. By then, however, they discovered hatred for black people wasn't enough to bolster membership. They added Catholics and Jews. They spun it to seem a patriotic thing to join. Since there was a lot of dissatisfaction in America in the 1920's, people were eager to sign up.

Every time the Klan was revived, violent acts increased. I know, duh. What was amazing to me was that it took until 1977 (see Edit) for anyone to get convicted, and then it was a 15 year old crime. This creep finally got convicted for bombing a church in Birmingham which killed four girls.

The trials for all Klan crimes (that actually made it to a jury) had all white male juries.

I've decided Bill Baxley is one of my heroes. He was a law student when the girls were killed, and he vowed to someday do something about it. When he became Attorney General, he reopened the case. That's not what elevated him to hero status though. He received a threatening letter from the Klan, and his reply was,
"My response to your letter of February 19, 1976 is - kiss my ass.
Sincerely,
Bill Baxley
Attorney General"

How cool is that? A politician formally responding like that is fantastic. Not only is he swearing, and speaking like you or I would, but he's in effect saying, "yeah, whatever, you puny dumbasses". Gotta love the balls of that man.

By this time, the Klan had lost a great deal of it's numbers. They searched for new issues to have hissy fits about. They found affirmative action, reverse discrimination, and forced busing. It didn't do them much good. They would hold their little protests, but they were met with angry and violent citizens. They no longer held the public sway. They needed to do something.

Enter David Duke. He didn't wear robes or slur the black people. He talked to the press, and boy could he spin. "We're not anti-black, just pro-white." He also mentioned that there were thousands of organizations working for the interests of blacks and other minorities, and they were just working for the interests and culture and ideals of the white people. He almost made the Klan seem warm and fuzzy. That would explain the surge of new members... again.

Luckily, The Southern Poverty Law Center created Klan Watch. It doesn't seem like much, but there was a fantastic result... after a tragedy.

In March 1981, several klansmen wigged the fuck out when a trial of a black man accused of killing a white cop resulted in a mistrial. One of the higher ups (A&E described him as a titan) said that if a black man could get away with murdering a white man, then we should be able to kill a black man. (I had to blink at this. Hadn't they already killed a whole bunch of black people over the years? One white cop gets killed, and this means hunting season is open??? Whatever.) Two klansmen, 17 and 26, decided to go hunting that night. They found, kidnapped, killed, and hung a man up in Mobile for everyone to see. A good ol' fashioned lynching.

These two crackheads went to trial. I totally expected them to be set free. It had happened so many times before, right? Well, not this time!!! One of them confessed, and they were both convicted of murder. Not manslaughter or some other pussy charge, but murder. It didn't end there. The mother of the lynched man filed a civil lawsuit against the United Klans of America. The trial only lasted four days, and the jury only deliberated for four hours. The verdict? Seven million dollars against the UKA. It destroyed them. All they really had was a 7000 sq ft. national headquarters building, and 10 acres of land. The mother of the murdered black man now had the deed handed to her by a southern jury. Yee haw!! That's fantastic!
(See, I told you Klan Watch was a good thing.)

Klansman finally realized that pursuing terror might cause them to lose their money, home, or life. The violent acts became sporadic.

In 1997 , one of the killers of the black man mentioned above was executed. He was the first klansman to be killed for a klan act. Raise your glasses and toast!

Their members at one time exceeded 3 million, but have dwindled to around 5,000 in the present day.

I know I may seem overly excited when the scales are still unbalanced, but I welcome change - especially change for the better. I feel like we sane people have been at war with the crazies forever, and we are finally gaining ground, morale is lifted, and hope is restored. I can only imagine what it was like in the 1950's when the Klan had free reign. My heart literally seizes up in fear imagining life back then. I am so proud of the people that took a stand - even when it meant their life was in danger.

I think it is our responsibility as the sane ones to teach our children to be sane. The Klan members fill their little ones' heads full of worthless crap, and we need to fight back by filling our children's' heads with the truth. What is the truth? Racism is some crazy ass idea that has no business remaining in our modern day. Also, we should teach our children not to enable racists. If you see one, call him out, and don't associate with him anymore. Period.

How's that for a soapbox history lesson?
*stepping down*

***Edit: Sorry. The first klansmen to go to jail was in 1965. Three of them were sentenced to 10 years each for violating the civil rights of others. In '67, 18 klansmen went to trial, and their Imperial Wizard along with 6 others, were found guilty. Wizard dude got the maximum sentence of 10 years. Go FBI!!!
In 1967, a report was released saying The Klan was un-American, which was a previous selling point.

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No idea who wrote this, but it's soooo true.

"My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without
actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.

That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is
excruciatingly difficult to maintain.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile
politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

. . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door."

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Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch
of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
-Try Kotex blah, blah, blah other products

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8
glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and
report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.

Look... females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many of which contain alcohol.

Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put it in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer!!

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate
goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage,
including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your - - - . (Try
drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while
you're doing it!)

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS


(Funny email I just had to share!)

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Well.

We have been having problems with our internet connection. We kept getting kicked off, plus the speed was way slow. We ended up calling the techies. They helped us make our modem more efficient, but that wasn't the problem. It is as simple as getting a new two way splitter for the phone lines. However, calling the techies did do something wonderful. Instead of getting excited when our speed is 52 Kbps, now I'm excited because it is 115 Kpbs!!!!

I love techies.

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Just cuz Cricket did, and I had to know...

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Men See You As Playful

Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate You know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guys. You enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualities. Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

How Do Men See You?

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Today is Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a little excited, if you couldn't tell.
Fridays are important. They usually mean getting inebriated (the only way I can), staying up late (not alone), and there isn't any worry about "tomorrow morning". A lot of times I get worn out Friday nights, and that's a good thing! I usually have to force myself to go to bed before his alarm goes off. Sucks the big one, let me tell you.

But not Fridays!!

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Here's the link!

Ya know the one about the Bohemian Grove that I wish I had?
Start with the article titled "Masked man enters, attacks Bohemian Grove", and then read any story mentioning Richard McCaslin. The last snip about him does not mention his name until you open the full news article, but you'll recognize it by the words "commando" and "jury".

Have fun!!!

Bohemian Grove (Prison Planet)

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It's about time!

I finally made it out to see one of my friends after a year! It was great. Things were normal between us. Ya know how friends can have that awkward moment when they aren't sure what to do or say since they've been out of the loop for so long? That didn't happen. Cool, eh?

I even got him to cheat. Well, he wanted to anyway. Actually I didn't really have anything to do with him cheating...


...on his diet. :D It was one of my goals though. He just did all the work for me.

I did get thrown around. He had to try some of his "moves" on me.

Moves like the choke hold and others that I don't know the name for. I do know I was picked up and over and thrown on my back. What's that called?? Whatever it was, it was cool. Anytime!!

I also learned a new skill. Well, actually, I was excited cuz I had that skill once -- and it was right!!!

I need to ask him what website I was looking at that had all these articles about some dumbass trying to launch an assault on the Bohemian Grove. Planned it for a year, collected weapons, wore a stupid costume and mask, didn't see anyone and took a nap, tried to set the place on fire, got caught, went to court, and found guilty on all charges. The kicker?? He got this brilliant idea from listening to a Texas radio talk show. I wish I had the link to share with you guys!!

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Beware! Warning! Caution!

Apparently there is a new video game coming out that adults are a bit worried about. They believe it will influence our children in a negative way. Maybe even cause the next school shooting - or maybe a church shooting...

Here's the description:

Yesterday, on T2A, we were introduced to The Purpose Driven Life Takers. An ultra-violent video game, Left Behind: Eternal Forces, based on scenes from the first four novels in the Left Behind novel series, puts you "on a mission - both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state". It's to be rated T for Teens, meaning it is targeted at the 13-19 year old age group, and is "slated for release by October 2006 in advance of the Christmas shopping rush".

Doesn't that sound great??? I wanna play!


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Long time, No blog

Hello folks!

I have a lot of ground to cover to keep this updated. I am going to do a very quick re-cap.

My in-laws came down from MN at the end of April. That meant no blogging due to cleaning, organizing, etc. Me going into a frenzy. They stayed for about a week, and took my daughter with them when they left (for two whole weeks!! Woo hoo!!). To my surprise, I missed her immediately. Dammit!

Once they left, we had to start preparations for our annual May festival. I tried to cram 2 weeks worth of sewing into one week. I did not succeed, but still did better than I thought I would. All in all, a good sewing phase. (No blogging then either.)

Then, we were at the annual May festival for about a week. We were staff this time around. That was different!! I'd do it again though.

We picked up our daughter on May 15th from Nashville. Quite a long drive, but plane tickets are cheaper in and out of Nashville. It was great to see our Diva again!!!

Since then, I have been trying to get back in the groove of things. My computer has been screwing with me. I wonder if the modem is starting to go... Basically, I get online and do a fraction of what I planned before I have to restart. By then, I just don't wanna try again. I put the Sims in instead. We have the expansion packs for them now. We get to date, go shopping, go on vacation... It's fantastic!! I turned my bachelor (Stud Wannabe) into a player. Women actually got into a fight over him. Also he was told that he "knew just what to do to leave her wanting more." *laugh* Maybe I can work on my penis envy issues through him. I love it: Therapy via The Sims.

I love all of you, and I am missing the blogosphere. I'll get there, I promise!

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And now for something completely different...

I did something amazing today. I haven't done this in a very very long time.

I bought a bra today.

Yes, that's right folks. You heard me correctly. A bra.

I haven't worn one in years. I haven't even owned one in years. I guess I got rid of all my old ones. I don't have an actual memory of doing it, but since I don't have any...

I also remembered why I hate them. The band that goes around the body is uncomfortable. (That's right - I didn't quit wearing them as a hippie statement; I stopped cuz they sucked to wear, especially when it's hot outside.)

One good thing - it lifts and separates! Very weird to see at first. I felt like I had weapons coming out of my body. I even tried attacking my husband with my torpedoes. I got over that pretty fast.

Actually, I bought two bras today, but one was hella bad. It was one of those made my shirt pointy like a Madonna video at best, and cut my breasts in half at worst. It made me look like I had two fat rolls on top of each other instead of lovely lady lumps (or does that refer to the ass?? I was never sure.). Sounds yummy, doesn't it? Hence, the purchase of the second bra.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to buy a bra w/o trying it on, and not knowing what size to get???

Welcome to my world.

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I just don't see it...

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

(With the answers I gave for the quiz, I thought I was going to be Vizzini.)

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Science never lies.

A study conducted by Stanford's Department of Psychiatry has revealed
that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ
depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a
man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass
while he is on fire. Further studies in this area have been canceled.

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No idea what this means, but what the hell

My blogger code:

B6 d- t k+ s u-- f i+ o++ x+ e- l c

Edit: Here's the decoder.


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Off the radar

I have been MIA since last Friday or so. That's when we got satellite with a dvr - for both TVs. Then to add to the "new toy" fun time, we also had a free Showtime weekend. I have so many movies recorded... :D

Also, on G4 (it's a channel), they have the best show ever ever ever. "Happy Tree Friends and Friends". That's right folks, you heard me. The and friends part? Oh, Joe Cartoon, Retarded Animal Babies, plus others. I have it set to record every week. Hell yeah!

I love the Search option satellite gives you. We've had satellite before, and I've missed it. There were so many shows I had to give up when we moved here. I love "What Not to Wear", but cable didn't have TLC. I do now, baby!!!

So, as you can see, I have been learning everything there is to learn about my new toy. It's been a week. I think I can take a break now.

Well, now that's not true. I have not been sitting on the couch for a week.

Little Diva wanted an email address. I kept telling her I would find her one on one of the kid-safe sites. After two days, I couldn't find anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zip a roonie. I searched the web for an email that wouldn't allow porn in, and there aren't any??? Give me a freakin' break.

One cool thing that I found, and downloaded, was a kid's browser. It blocks the entire internet with the exception of approved sites (like Crayola, Disney, PBS, etc...) That means I can feel happy as a clam (What a stupid expression. As if clams are happy.) that she can sit down and surf as much as she wants, and not run into any creeps. I recommend it for all parents. It's called KidRocket.

Now why can't they have safe email addresses too?????

I have tried to blog several times this week, but I end up getting busy with other stuff, and run out of time. That sucks.

This weekend will be a busy one for us. It's the last full weekend to get shit done before my in-laws arrive on the 23rd. We have to make it look like we actually care, ya know. Okay, mostly it is rearranging, finish unpacking, organizing, and making everything look roomy and spacious. In a word, perfection. It's not like I'm expecting too much, right? Right?

The dogs will have to go to the groomers for a wash, we have to get Diva's b-day party nailed down, get her a plane ticket back home, buy blank CDs, get Diva some gifts, stock the house with food before the 23rd, I have to sew some stuff before May 11th, we have to make sure we have enough money for the dog sitter, etc, etc, etc... Very busy around here. As the dates get closer, you can watch my stress levels rise. Won't that be fun??

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Stupid pills 1, Me 0

My "I've been taking stupid pills" condition is getting worse. Now, not only have I forgotten how to speak correctly, but it turns out I can't spell for shit either.

I have misspelled words I KNOW how to spell forwards and backwards. And, dammit, I'm doing the same words over and over.

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*avid devotion*

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

My god finally has A Good Book!!!

The Gospel of the
Flying Spaghetti Monster

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Tweaking

I found out that all email posts will have to have their font color changed. Or maybe I'll leave it so I can keep track of which ones were emails... Hmmm..

Opinions?

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Testing, testing 1, 2

I am trying out a much easier way to post. I am so behind the times!! (That should be my mantra...)
Anyway, I can email to my blog!! I'm sure most of you are already doing this, but just in case you aren't:
If you are using Blogger, got to Settings. Once there, there are all kinds of wonderful little buttons to click at the top of the page. You are looking for the one that says Email. Pick an address, and voila! post from your email.

How cool is that?

(Edit: It sent it to my drafts. What good is that?????)

I'm so damn cool!

My blog is worth $5,645.40.
How much is your blog worth?

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I'm back from MN.

For all of you wondering, I am doing just fine.

People are born, and people die. It's what happens in-between that matters. My mom had a fantastic in-between. She was loved by many.

None of us kids will ever be able to measure up to her life. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I enjoy my seclusion. It's not important for me to have get-togethers like it was for my mom. She worked very hard at being the perfect hostess to the known and unknown alike.

I actually feel like me again. I missed me. I never realized how much I like me until I wasn't around for awhile. (I hope that made sense without sounding narcissistic.)

I feel motivated to live again. My headaches have almost disappeared. I'm still getting them more frequently that I ever used to, but I can deal with it. It's not a daily thing anymore. My kid isn't asking me to stop having them anymore.

Now I have the normal stress of getting the house ready before my in-laws come down. Deadline is April 23rd. Trust me, that's not enough time without killing myself, but I'll get it done. Probably drive my family crazy in the process, but they'll just have to make the sacrifice dammit. :D

I may actually feel like socializing soon. I know I'm answering a few more emails, and I actually made a phone call tonight to one of my best buds. I haven't talked to him in like forever. Damn dolphins!

I saw a few more of my friends tonight - not cuz I was visiting, but cuz I was dropping my kid off. I realized how much I missed all of them. Especially this one dude that can read my mind like it was a comic book laying open on the floor.

I may even be in the mood for sex. You have no idea how rare that has been the past few months. Everything I was going through sucked all desire outta me. A few times I kinda felt like it, other times I was convinced it might help me relax... I don't think there was one time that I was really into it - from conception to action, that is. Well, maybe once. (Just in case I've forgotten something.)

I am feeling a huge sense of relief, and that has helped me feel good. Feeling good is always preferable.

I will say I am grieving in the strangest way ever. It almost feels like I'm not grieving. Weird, eh? I just keep surprising myself. :D

Okay folks, over and out!

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Travel rant

Okay, so here's the deal: Originally, Me, Little Diva, stepsister, her baby, and my stepfather were supposed to drive up to MN Friday night/Saturday morning. They decided to fly him up instead, and it was going to be me and my stepsister driving up Saturday morning (which I was thrilled about - no stepfather!! woot!) . I still wanted to leave Friday night, but she wasn't budging. So I compromised. Yesterday, I call and leave her a message letting her know my husband would be unable to drive all the way to Clarksville (almost 300 miles from here) just to drop me off, since he had to work on Saturday. She calls me back last night, and tells me she was going to call me tonight (Thursday) to let me know "our" plans had changed. (Think she could have called before then???) "Our" plans now were we had to wait until Monday or Tuesday to leave, cuz they found an apartment and she had to be there when their stuff got delivered cuz her husband had to work (but no understanding for my husband???). That means I wouldn't get to MN until Wed probably. I had already made plans for Sun., Mon., and Tues., and now I would have to rearrange them (or cancel them).
I get that she has to be there, and that they had to find an apt. and all that. Didn't stop me from being pissed though.
And the kicker?? She wasn't willing to meet us partway so we could be dropped off. The halfway point is Cookeville - even then my husband would have to make a 5 hour round trip. She wasn't even willing to meet in Nashville (which is beyond the halfway point - ya know, closer to her). She's been driving so much lately that the thought of it just exhausted her, plus anywhere that we could meet would be in the opposite direction of MN. She basically wanted my husband to make a 10 hour round trip. HELL NO.
I was so pissed last night. I was sitting with my arms crossed trying to hold it in. I was looking around in my immediate vicinity to see if there was anything I could throw or break. Hours later, we are walking the dogs, and then we go back outside for my last cig of the night. Since I was still pissed, and it had been hours of being pissed, I decided to smoke some happy green to see if that would mellow me out some (normally I look down on people who use things to change their mood, but last night? fuck it.). IT DIDN'T. Think about that. I got altered, and I was still pissed. That should give you some idea of how I felt.

(Edit: This was as far as I got, and then it was saved to draft. I decided to leave it as-is. In case you're curious, however, Diva and I took the Greyhound up to MN.)


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Superman's knife - if he had one

I got sucked into an infomercial today. I slept on the couch last night, so, in my defense, I was still in my waking up process.

Anyway, it was the coolest frickin' knife ever!!! It was sonic something or other. This thing sliced through everything w/o anything getting squished. No, seriously, nothing got squished. They even cut a slice of bread into two pieces. Now before you roll your eyes and tell me you do that every time you have a sandwich, that's not what I mean. They sliced it the long way. You ended up having two thinner slices of bread (the selling point was cutting down on carbs if anyone cares about that). Try cutting a slice of bread with your favorite, sharpest knife. See if it squishes. See if it is even possible.

There are different blades for this thing, including a craft blade. It cut a frozen pizza in half! Now the cool thing about all of this, is you aren't sawing back and forth. You just glide this knife right through. The sonic-whatever slices for you. Think about that: gliding through a frozen pizza. Wow, huh?

You recharge it, and it's cordless - perfect for outdoor use!

So, has anyone seen this knife or, better yet, used it? I would love to hear opinions.

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The Ultimate Showdown

I found this on the blogger's forum, blogpretty.com.
You have to check it out. I was jammin' to it, and I now want to download the tune - if I can find it.


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This is perfect for me!

~J~ [noun]: A real life muppet 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

(When I put in my real name, it was an adjective meaning banshee-like. :D)


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Blogpretty

Do you remember the first days of blogging? Not ever, but personally. I do. I was finally convinced to get myself a blog by a blog pimp (:D), and it was fantastic. I could log on and puke all over my keyboard, and then publish it. Fantastic!
As I started exploring the blogosphere, I started to notice other things. You could do more than type and publish with a blog? You could put a link in your post without having to show the url? What are all these nifty things on the sidebar???

I had to ask people I trusted to give me the how-to on these new-fangled things. I only bugged them about the really important stuff. Ya know, they were working or something. There's no way they could have kept up with my thirst for knowledge without getting annoyed.

Now, if there had been one of these, I wouldn't have been in danger of annoying anyone. I could have soaked up as much knowledge as I wanted, on my own time.

So there it is. A shameless plug. Go, check it out, register, get some questions answered - or learn something completely new and different!

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Random Quote from my sidebar

Question: Is it better to abide by the rules until they're changed or help speed the change by breaking them?

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Email joke

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties, and your privates are exposed!", said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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I'm really curious...

Well, if Cricket was behind the times then I'm really trailing behind.

Please try this and this for me. (No, it's not one of the stupid internet quizzes I love so much.)


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Rest in peace, Mom.

February 25, 2006

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Hee hee

EDIT: Embedded video has been removed. I think it was causing problems. If you still want to see what I found funny, here's the link: Little girl curses

As seen on Wimp.com

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Exciting times

Little Diva has gotten herself an agent!!!
This was the next step in making her dream come true. Now all she has to do is work.

Yay!!!!!!

We are very excited for her!

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Hiya folks!

I know a few of you have been wondering if I fell off the edge of the earth. Others of you are wondering how much of a wreck I am. And still others really don't give a shit. *grin* I toast all of you wonderful beings that make up this diverse world we live in.

No. I have not finally fallen off my rocker.

Here's my update.

Mom: Still alive, delusional, in pain (but morphine seems to be taking care of that), and probably in her last days. She'll have a few good days in a row, and then sleep for two days, refusing food and pills. Every time she goes into her "bad two days", we all wonder if this is it. Then she comes roarin' back! *laugh* Even in the condition she's in, she's still Mom - a woman I fought with most of my life. But isn't that what mothers and daughters are required to do?

Little Diva: We took a break from any kind of schooling while we were dealing with our initial grief. We have started again today. We have some structure, a loose schedule, and it is off to a great start! (Again.) Next Monday she has an interview with an agent. I hope it goes well. I think getting busy with her career would be a great outlet for her after her Grandma dies. I think it is a great outlet for her period. She's got a lot of energy. I want to see her put it into something constructive that she loves.

My husband: He is a very sweet man. He has been THE support system in all this for me and the kid both. Not that there haven't been other offers, but he's part of the family. He's been a rock. So understanding of everything - even my weird ass mood swings!!! When I flew into a rage over something stupid he did, did he hold it against me? Nope. Etc., etc., etc... Thank you, and I love you.

Okay, sappiness over.

Me: I have been going through the five stages of grief, although I haven't done all of them yet. Do you have to go through all five? Like bargaining. What the hell am I gonna bargain, and with who? It just seems stupid to me. I feel like I am in the acceptance stage. I'm sure it will all hit again later. I have been feeling anti-social lately. Not in a hateful way - just in a "I don't have a lot to say" kind of way. I haven't been commenting too much on other blogs. I haven't responded to too many emails, and I haven't really talked on the phone too much. I want to thank all my friends that have been understanding during this time. It is a private thing I'm going through, and the last thing I want is sympathy. I haven't even told too many people about it. A lot of people have found out recently, though, and they have all been really sweet.

That's enough for now. Buh-bye!
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HELL YES!!!!

You are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny.

You are brutal in your words and enjoy

putting others down.


Which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


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Cricket

You have been so sweet during all this. I know you are probably wigging out over the lack of contact thing. No worries. I'm good, but barely online. (I'm still feeding my addiction! :D)
Speaking of my addiction, one of my Sims became Mayor of SimCity!!!

Okay, back to reality...

I know how hard it is to be around someone going through emotional turmoil. You could have backed off, left me alone (since I was in hermit mode anyway), but you didn't. You continually reminded me that you were there for me. I really appreciate that (even if I don't write back). I think that's pretty freakin' amazing for friends that have never even met in person, ya know?

So anyway...

Lots of *HUGS* back, and thank you. You're the ginchiest!!

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Woo hoo!!!

The previous two days (and today so far) I have felt like myself again. I'm almost hyper about it! Screw that. I am hyper about it. :D
I didn't realize how long I had been without my mental capabilities. My mind is my most valuable asset, and I had lost it for awhile.

I don't know if this means I've worked through something, or if it is just a temporary break, but I am enjoying it!!!

We got news that the whole fam damily may be coming down in April (husband's side). They want to be here for Little Diva's birthday -- Or as close to it as possible. I can't wait!!! I am very lucky to have cool in-laws.

That also means we have a deadline. This house needs to be completely clean, organized, everything-has-a-place-and-looks-good-there by April. That may sound like a lot of time, but it really isn't. Beyond having really busy weekdays, our weekends are totally gone. That means we have to fit it in an hour here, an hour there. Not a lot of time, but I work well with deadlines. It's all good.

My sister and I are getting along now. I think since I found out she has been frustrated with me the entire time I've been pissed at her, I am able to step back and see how our relationship got there. Like seeing two sides of the story. I am now able to just let it go. It seems unimportant.

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Well...

Well, the good news is I was able to keep my cool the entire time I was around my sister. We both stayed calm. Family training kicked in for both of us.

Bad news, Mom has a week or two left to live. Maybe less. I just hope she makes it until this weekend so I can see her one last time. I'm having my doubts though.

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The big bad bitchy monster is returning (not me this time) ....(Hmm, I guess that could apply to me as well) TWO big bad bitchy monsters are retuning

Okay. I admit it. I have been hiding or running or whatever you want to call it. I've had a few bad moments, and they are worse now that the weekend is here. We are going to go see my mom again, but there's a twist. Some of you may remember me mentioning a sister. Well, lucky me, I get to see the bitch this weekend.

Ya know how when you know someone really well, you recognize all their behaviors? Well, she must have sensed that I was mad at her (Sensing anger toward her is one of her Super Powers). She has asked for my email (and my brother's). Not only did she ask for it, but then she actually attempted to write to me.

Hmmm, I think I may have to translate that paragraph.
----------
Her email:
Hi J,

Thanks for sending me your e-mail address.
How freaking formal.

Tr and I are flying to mom's this weekend, and my plan is to stay for a week, unless things drastically change. Its been making me crazy to be up here, but it can't be helped when things like a job and a house get in the way.
Translation: A house and a job are reasons, but anything I would say would just be a no-good excuse.
She's already backpedaling when I haven't (yet) accused her of anything. Trying to remain squeaky clean is another of her Super Powers: trying, not succeeding.

How are things going for you?
Because it is polite to ask about the other person, even when you really don't give a fuck.

N
---------
I didn't respond to that email. I couldn't. I asked her to keep me updated on mom's condition over two years ago. She chooses now to make First Contact?!?! What the fuck ever. She hasn't even kept in touch with my brother, so it's not just me she has kept out of the updating loop.

Anyhoo.
-----------
Second email:
J,

Did you receive my last e-mail? I didn't hear from you, so I'm not sure.
This is uber polite speak for saying "Why the fuck didn't you respond?! I made an EFFORT!!!!!" (She is very whiny and self-centered.)

Are you going to make it to mom's when I'm there?
In all the times she has come down to this state of Tennessee, she has never asked that before. As a matter of fact, most of the time I would find out she had been here, after the fact. So why is she asking now? Is this her Spidey sense tingling? Has the ass kissing begun?

N
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I so can't handle this right now. My sanity is already slipping, and I think decorum is the first thing to go. Well, after memory. :D

Understand how huge this is. Everyone in my family is trained to look happy when they're sad, to make jokes when you want to cry, and to never ever let others outside the family know how you're feeling or of any problems you may be having. It's always a very private matter - whatever it is.
That being said, I should be able to go to mom's with a smile on my face, and rant later. This is where I am running into a problem. I don't think I'll be able to fake anything this weekend. The thought is just too overwhelming. The only thing I do know is I'll be able to keep it from mom.

I'm doing the best thing possible in this horrid situation. We are going there tonight, spending the night, and coming home tomorrow. Sis arrives around 1PM tomorrow, so it'll only be hours of being in the same house. I think I can occupy my time for that long. Let's hope.

EDIT: I forgot to mention I responded to her second email.
This is it in it's entirety (Cut/paste is my friend):

Did you receive my last e-mail?
Yes, I received it.

Are you going to make it to mom's when I'm there?
Which day will you be arriving?

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Better than Dr. Phil.

Kermit the Frog You scored 50% Organization, 55% abstract, and 67% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables. First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean. Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type. Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself. You are mostly organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted. Here is why are you Kermit the Frog. You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Kermit is also reasonably tidy. He'll even dress up for interviews. You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Kermit spends a lot of his time as a reporter collecting facts, but he is also the author of the dreamy song "The Rainbow Connection." You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. You are both extroverts. Kermit gets along with everyone. Sure a few folks annoy him, but that's just because they are annoying. Kermit likes to meet new people when he does his job as a street reporter. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Kermit starred on Sesame Street years before The Muppet Show. The other possible characters are Oscar the Grouch Big Bird Snuffleupagus Ernie Elmo Cookie Monster Grover The Count Guy Smiley Bert If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 30% on Organization


You scored higher than 61% on concrete-abstra


You scored higher than 71% on intro-extrovert

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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The Dr. Phil test.

Got it from Cyli.


31 to 40 Points
You scored 37! Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 0% on PhilPoints

Link: The Dr. Phil Test written by archangelm127 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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Chaos, Sims, and back to Chaos

Okay - so I'm not dead.

I don't think I'm quite me either. I have been extremely unmotivated, moody, and just the other night I felt like I had to personalities - and one of them was raging pissed at my husband for no good reason. I could hear the rational side of me saying there was no reason to feel like this, and to calm the fuck down -- But I didn't wanna. Or rather, the other self didn't wanna.

I wonder if Sybil felt like this.

Since it wasn't anything he did, I'm guessing this is part of the grieving process. I just didn't realize I was going to go insane in the process!! She's not even dead yet, and I'm already completely chaotic.

My uncle started an update blog for everyone to check out on a daily basis. My step-sister is checking it, and writing on it everyday.

It's really hard knowing she is going to be gone very soon. She is worse every time I see her. Her memory of short term things pretty much sucks the big one.

I wish I knew how to deal with this. I'm aware there are five stages of grief. Does anyone know how I can get through them smoothly?

I feel like I have been taking stupid pills. My brain is like cheese cloth. (I'm not sure I've even seen cheese cloth...) I am filled with all this erratic, chaotic energy. That is so not me. I am the calm one, the clear thinker. I feel like I have ADD or something. Any advice on dealing with this chaos would be welcome.


Wow. Didn't mean to come back with such a downer.

In other news, my Sims are flourishing beautifully. Especially Stud Wannabe. He is in the Military career path (just cuz it pays the most), and has just recently been promoted to Commander, I think. The only hard thing about the game is trying to make new friends. Most of our neighbors are Cancers, and Stud just doesn't get along with them. For right now, in order to get promoted, Stud is making friends with Sims that I am planning on killing off after they make me enough money. I think drowning, but we have found out if you put them in a room, and take away the door, they will die of starvation. I think my favorite thing about them dying is the Grim Reaper. If you are fortunate enough to have another Sim there, they can try and plea for your life. You then have to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with the Reaper. Maybe my favorite thing is you can sell their tombstone.

I am severely addicted. My only consolation is it's not crack. I will take pot if anyone is willing to give me some. I tried taking a couple swigs off of a bottle of Buttershots the other night, and was promptly told to slow down. I had only taken two swigs, but they were one right after the other. After defensively explaining they were small sips, I took another one.

See? I am not myself, and I would like to know how to be me again. As me, I can handle anything that is thrown at me - calm, cool, and collected.

Wow. Check that tangent. I had completely forgot I was talking about Stud.

I am ready to die of embarrassment that I am even posting this. Yet, I am going to. And I don't know why. It's not for sympathy, I know that much. I think it is because I actually need help. I need to ground this chaotic energy, and get back to thinking clearly. My mind is my most valuable asset. I need it back. Anyway, normal grounding isn't working. This is something bigger. I feel like if you could look inside me, you would just see mass amounts of electricity firing at will. Makes my head feel all tingly.

Okay, I am going to shut up now.

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I am addicted

...to the Sims.

The Sims and all their problems have entered my world and taken over. It's not just me either. The whole family is playing, and we all live in the same neighborhood.

Some of you may think this is sad. I prefer to think of it as a phase I'm going through. It's more acceptable.

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