HELL YES!!!!

You are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny.

You are brutal in your words and enjoy

putting others down.


Which happy bunny are you?
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Cricket

You have been so sweet during all this. I know you are probably wigging out over the lack of contact thing. No worries. I'm good, but barely online. (I'm still feeding my addiction! :D)
Speaking of my addiction, one of my Sims became Mayor of SimCity!!!

Okay, back to reality...

I know how hard it is to be around someone going through emotional turmoil. You could have backed off, left me alone (since I was in hermit mode anyway), but you didn't. You continually reminded me that you were there for me. I really appreciate that (even if I don't write back). I think that's pretty freakin' amazing for friends that have never even met in person, ya know?

So anyway...

Lots of *HUGS* back, and thank you. You're the ginchiest!!

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Woo hoo!!!

The previous two days (and today so far) I have felt like myself again. I'm almost hyper about it! Screw that. I am hyper about it. :D
I didn't realize how long I had been without my mental capabilities. My mind is my most valuable asset, and I had lost it for awhile.

I don't know if this means I've worked through something, or if it is just a temporary break, but I am enjoying it!!!

We got news that the whole fam damily may be coming down in April (husband's side). They want to be here for Little Diva's birthday -- Or as close to it as possible. I can't wait!!! I am very lucky to have cool in-laws.

That also means we have a deadline. This house needs to be completely clean, organized, everything-has-a-place-and-looks-good-there by April. That may sound like a lot of time, but it really isn't. Beyond having really busy weekdays, our weekends are totally gone. That means we have to fit it in an hour here, an hour there. Not a lot of time, but I work well with deadlines. It's all good.

My sister and I are getting along now. I think since I found out she has been frustrated with me the entire time I've been pissed at her, I am able to step back and see how our relationship got there. Like seeing two sides of the story. I am now able to just let it go. It seems unimportant.

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Well...

Well, the good news is I was able to keep my cool the entire time I was around my sister. We both stayed calm. Family training kicked in for both of us.

Bad news, Mom has a week or two left to live. Maybe less. I just hope she makes it until this weekend so I can see her one last time. I'm having my doubts though.

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The big bad bitchy monster is returning (not me this time) ....(Hmm, I guess that could apply to me as well) TWO big bad bitchy monsters are retuning

Okay. I admit it. I have been hiding or running or whatever you want to call it. I've had a few bad moments, and they are worse now that the weekend is here. We are going to go see my mom again, but there's a twist. Some of you may remember me mentioning a sister. Well, lucky me, I get to see the bitch this weekend.

Ya know how when you know someone really well, you recognize all their behaviors? Well, she must have sensed that I was mad at her (Sensing anger toward her is one of her Super Powers). She has asked for my email (and my brother's). Not only did she ask for it, but then she actually attempted to write to me.

Hmmm, I think I may have to translate that paragraph.
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Her email:
Hi J,

Thanks for sending me your e-mail address.
How freaking formal.

Tr and I are flying to mom's this weekend, and my plan is to stay for a week, unless things drastically change. Its been making me crazy to be up here, but it can't be helped when things like a job and a house get in the way.
Translation: A house and a job are reasons, but anything I would say would just be a no-good excuse.
She's already backpedaling when I haven't (yet) accused her of anything. Trying to remain squeaky clean is another of her Super Powers: trying, not succeeding.

How are things going for you?
Because it is polite to ask about the other person, even when you really don't give a fuck.

N
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I didn't respond to that email. I couldn't. I asked her to keep me updated on mom's condition over two years ago. She chooses now to make First Contact?!?! What the fuck ever. She hasn't even kept in touch with my brother, so it's not just me she has kept out of the updating loop.

Anyhoo.
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Second email:
J,

Did you receive my last e-mail? I didn't hear from you, so I'm not sure.
This is uber polite speak for saying "Why the fuck didn't you respond?! I made an EFFORT!!!!!" (She is very whiny and self-centered.)

Are you going to make it to mom's when I'm there?
In all the times she has come down to this state of Tennessee, she has never asked that before. As a matter of fact, most of the time I would find out she had been here, after the fact. So why is she asking now? Is this her Spidey sense tingling? Has the ass kissing begun?

N
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I so can't handle this right now. My sanity is already slipping, and I think decorum is the first thing to go. Well, after memory. :D

Understand how huge this is. Everyone in my family is trained to look happy when they're sad, to make jokes when you want to cry, and to never ever let others outside the family know how you're feeling or of any problems you may be having. It's always a very private matter - whatever it is.
That being said, I should be able to go to mom's with a smile on my face, and rant later. This is where I am running into a problem. I don't think I'll be able to fake anything this weekend. The thought is just too overwhelming. The only thing I do know is I'll be able to keep it from mom.

I'm doing the best thing possible in this horrid situation. We are going there tonight, spending the night, and coming home tomorrow. Sis arrives around 1PM tomorrow, so it'll only be hours of being in the same house. I think I can occupy my time for that long. Let's hope.

EDIT: I forgot to mention I responded to her second email.
This is it in it's entirety (Cut/paste is my friend):

Did you receive my last e-mail?
Yes, I received it.

Are you going to make it to mom's when I'm there?
Which day will you be arriving?

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Better than Dr. Phil.

Kermit the Frog You scored 50% Organization, 55% abstract, and 67% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables. First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean. Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type. Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself. You are mostly organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted. Here is why are you Kermit the Frog. You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Kermit is also reasonably tidy. He'll even dress up for interviews. You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Kermit spends a lot of his time as a reporter collecting facts, but he is also the author of the dreamy song "The Rainbow Connection." You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. You are both extroverts. Kermit gets along with everyone. Sure a few folks annoy him, but that's just because they are annoying. Kermit likes to meet new people when he does his job as a street reporter. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Kermit starred on Sesame Street years before The Muppet Show. The other possible characters are Oscar the Grouch Big Bird Snuffleupagus Ernie Elmo Cookie Monster Grover The Count Guy Smiley Bert If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also if you want to tell me your favorite Sesame Street character, I can total them up and post them here. Perhaps your choice will win!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 30% on Organization


You scored higher than 61% on concrete-abstra


You scored higher than 71% on intro-extrovert

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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The Dr. Phil test.

Got it from Cyli.


31 to 40 Points
You scored 37! Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 0% on PhilPoints

Link: The Dr. Phil Test written by archangelm127 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

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Chaos, Sims, and back to Chaos

Okay - so I'm not dead.

I don't think I'm quite me either. I have been extremely unmotivated, moody, and just the other night I felt like I had to personalities - and one of them was raging pissed at my husband for no good reason. I could hear the rational side of me saying there was no reason to feel like this, and to calm the fuck down -- But I didn't wanna. Or rather, the other self didn't wanna.

I wonder if Sybil felt like this.

Since it wasn't anything he did, I'm guessing this is part of the grieving process. I just didn't realize I was going to go insane in the process!! She's not even dead yet, and I'm already completely chaotic.

My uncle started an update blog for everyone to check out on a daily basis. My step-sister is checking it, and writing on it everyday.

It's really hard knowing she is going to be gone very soon. She is worse every time I see her. Her memory of short term things pretty much sucks the big one.

I wish I knew how to deal with this. I'm aware there are five stages of grief. Does anyone know how I can get through them smoothly?

I feel like I have been taking stupid pills. My brain is like cheese cloth. (I'm not sure I've even seen cheese cloth...) I am filled with all this erratic, chaotic energy. That is so not me. I am the calm one, the clear thinker. I feel like I have ADD or something. Any advice on dealing with this chaos would be welcome.


Wow. Didn't mean to come back with such a downer.

In other news, my Sims are flourishing beautifully. Especially Stud Wannabe. He is in the Military career path (just cuz it pays the most), and has just recently been promoted to Commander, I think. The only hard thing about the game is trying to make new friends. Most of our neighbors are Cancers, and Stud just doesn't get along with them. For right now, in order to get promoted, Stud is making friends with Sims that I am planning on killing off after they make me enough money. I think drowning, but we have found out if you put them in a room, and take away the door, they will die of starvation. I think my favorite thing about them dying is the Grim Reaper. If you are fortunate enough to have another Sim there, they can try and plea for your life. You then have to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with the Reaper. Maybe my favorite thing is you can sell their tombstone.

I am severely addicted. My only consolation is it's not crack. I will take pot if anyone is willing to give me some. I tried taking a couple swigs off of a bottle of Buttershots the other night, and was promptly told to slow down. I had only taken two swigs, but they were one right after the other. After defensively explaining they were small sips, I took another one.

See? I am not myself, and I would like to know how to be me again. As me, I can handle anything that is thrown at me - calm, cool, and collected.

Wow. Check that tangent. I had completely forgot I was talking about Stud.

I am ready to die of embarrassment that I am even posting this. Yet, I am going to. And I don't know why. It's not for sympathy, I know that much. I think it is because I actually need help. I need to ground this chaotic energy, and get back to thinking clearly. My mind is my most valuable asset. I need it back. Anyway, normal grounding isn't working. This is something bigger. I feel like if you could look inside me, you would just see mass amounts of electricity firing at will. Makes my head feel all tingly.

Okay, I am going to shut up now.

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I am addicted

...to the Sims.

The Sims and all their problems have entered my world and taken over. It's not just me either. The whole family is playing, and we all live in the same neighborhood.

Some of you may think this is sad. I prefer to think of it as a phase I'm going through. It's more acceptable.

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