Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch
of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
-Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
-Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
-Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
-Try Kotex blah, blah, blah other products

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8
glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and
report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.

Look... females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many of which contain alcohol.

Printing out advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put it in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer!!

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. The ultimate
goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage,
including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your - - - . (Try
drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while
you're doing it!)

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS


(Funny email I just had to share!)

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Well.

We have been having problems with our internet connection. We kept getting kicked off, plus the speed was way slow. We ended up calling the techies. They helped us make our modem more efficient, but that wasn't the problem. It is as simple as getting a new two way splitter for the phone lines. However, calling the techies did do something wonderful. Instead of getting excited when our speed is 52 Kbps, now I'm excited because it is 115 Kpbs!!!!

I love techies.

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Just cuz Cricket did, and I had to know...

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Men See You As Playful

Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate You know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guys. You enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualities. Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

How Do Men See You?

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Today is Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a little excited, if you couldn't tell.
Fridays are important. They usually mean getting inebriated (the only way I can), staying up late (not alone), and there isn't any worry about "tomorrow morning". A lot of times I get worn out Friday nights, and that's a good thing! I usually have to force myself to go to bed before his alarm goes off. Sucks the big one, let me tell you.

But not Fridays!!

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Here's the link!

Ya know the one about the Bohemian Grove that I wish I had?
Start with the article titled "Masked man enters, attacks Bohemian Grove", and then read any story mentioning Richard McCaslin. The last snip about him does not mention his name until you open the full news article, but you'll recognize it by the words "commando" and "jury".

Have fun!!!

Bohemian Grove (Prison Planet)

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It's about time!

I finally made it out to see one of my friends after a year! It was great. Things were normal between us. Ya know how friends can have that awkward moment when they aren't sure what to do or say since they've been out of the loop for so long? That didn't happen. Cool, eh?

I even got him to cheat. Well, he wanted to anyway. Actually I didn't really have anything to do with him cheating...


...on his diet. :D It was one of my goals though. He just did all the work for me.

I did get thrown around. He had to try some of his "moves" on me.

Moves like the choke hold and others that I don't know the name for. I do know I was picked up and over and thrown on my back. What's that called?? Whatever it was, it was cool. Anytime!!

I also learned a new skill. Well, actually, I was excited cuz I had that skill once -- and it was right!!!

I need to ask him what website I was looking at that had all these articles about some dumbass trying to launch an assault on the Bohemian Grove. Planned it for a year, collected weapons, wore a stupid costume and mask, didn't see anyone and took a nap, tried to set the place on fire, got caught, went to court, and found guilty on all charges. The kicker?? He got this brilliant idea from listening to a Texas radio talk show. I wish I had the link to share with you guys!!

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