My blog is always here for me...

I think I need to start blogging again. So much shit has happened, and there have been so many times when I felt I didn't have anyone to turn to. I forgot what a friend and what a stress relief my blog was. I can say anything here. I forgot I have always had this to turn to...

My bad.

I have been evaluating who my real friends are. My foundation has been crashing down around me, and this is my chance to rebuild. I get to choose. I get to decide what I want to build the rest of my life and choices on. It's really a fantastic opportunity.

Don't get me wrong. It sucks SO BAD, but that's how all great things begin, right? Right.

I have realized who has always been there for me, and I am keeping them close. Sticking them right in my foundation, as it were.

I have become stagnant on my spiritual/magickal/whatever-you-call-it path. I need to get going on that. Wait. I have become stagnant in one aspect of my path. There are other aspects that have grown leaps and bounds...

I am facing difficulties I once pronounced I would never deal with. See? Never say never. TRUST ME ON THAT.

I have constantly been making pro/con lists to make decisions about my life and the people in it. It's all about worth...

So- to the people I don't see all the time (or ever): Dollface, Cyli, Cricket - Still love you guys!!!! No worries there.

I have wanted to go off on so many people of late. That's not really my style, but Holy Shitballs! I've been so tempted to give in to it... And, if I'm going to be honest (and I'm blogging, so duh), I have lost my cool more times in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years. It's been fascinating to watch, but exhausting to experience...

People have never been my favorite creatures. Well, obviously... Look at what my blog is named... They have become even more distasteful to me recently. All the stupid ass, childish, behind-the-scenes, I-can't-believe-I-ever-called-you-friend crap has made me want to isolate myself. I LIKE me.

Isn't there a song like that? "I want you to be less like you and more like me" or something close to that... That's pretty much how I feel. Like I'm one of the few adults in a sea of very old children... Doesn't anyone care about growing up, personal responsibility, improving themselves and their lives, getting rid of hang-ups, facing insecurities and fears, - just becoming an all-around improved person? Doesn't anyone want to achieve anything greater than plain existence? Being born is not an achievement, hate to break it to you... Freakin' humans.

You know what else amazes me? People are so willing to throw me away before a careful examination. So stupid... Why would anyone want to remove a person of value and worth from their life? Is it some way to avoid looking at their own self? I hope not. That's TOO textbook, too easy.

Then again, People Are Stupid.

Freakin' sheeple...

There is this one chick that I used to be 'friends' with. I mean, not really, cuz she is incapable of being a real friend. But those things aren't always obvious at first... Anyway - she was my first 'losing my cool' that almost scared me. In 10 years of coming out to where I currently live, I have never shouted at anyone. I did get into a shouting match with this bitch though. On the phone. In front of company. My mother would be horrified (maybe). Now a shouting match is not impossible to come back from, but when I discovered she felt bad about shouting and NOT what she said while shouting, I decided she was definitely on the Con list. Effectively, she didn't feel bad about the heinous things she said to me - just the volume they were said at. What da hell? That's just stupid.

I have decided, if she wants me in her life, she can come to me and try to fix it. Not that she ever does something like that, but I don't need her. The ball is in her run-down court.

At the opposite extreme, and just as surprising, there have been shining gems of people that I have become aware of. It's amazing, refreshing, awesome (in the true sense of the word)... I feel blessed in that way.

Maybe the shitheads just had to become more obvious so I would see the ones that weren't... Who knows... Life is a mystery (and I love that!).

Okay, so I'm out. I must take Little Diva to Sylvan (another change) soon.