"On"

Okay, so this would be one of my "on" days.
I actually blew the dust off my Yahoo and had an IM convo today. I'm still reeling.

I've been thinking about sex again. I know I didn't say I wasn't, but I'm sure you are smart enough to put it together. The thought of sex was such a yawner, it would either put me to sleep or put me in a really bad mood. Don't misunderstand this. The man knows what he is doing. I have just been such a Grade A Bitch lately that, of course, I didn't want to get off and improve my mood. It's a theory. I'll try to keep you updated.
Maybe I need angry sex.

Anyway...

I have a busy two days ahead of me. I can't tell you anything or I'd be forced to kill you, and I really like you.

Next weekend is a Women's Night Out overnight bash. I can't wait!!! Now if only I could drink... A night w/o the husband/kid combo. It feels like a fantasy coming true. Is it really possible?


I have thought about visiting my friends. I'm not sure what the etiquette is though. Can you call up a friend you haven't spoken to in months and ask if they want to get together? And if you do get that lucky, do you tell them what's been going on in your head the last few months, or just breeze past it like it was nothing?
But then there's the trouble with the, "Oh, you should have called me." responses. Not they don't mean it when they say it, but everyone gets sick of a whiner. More friendships have been lost that way, and I wanted to be sure I still had friends to go back to when I was funk-less.

~Do not expand~

Facing a fear

I'm in a funk. A funk I am trying to understand. There are moments, days even, when I feel like my old self. I have hope that I am finally emerging. I start to look forward to all the things I used to look forward to... But then, something will happen, sometimes just a thought, that sends me spiraling back down again.
I'm teetering between wanting to see my friends and thinking I wouldn't be very good company.

Maybe I just need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully. I'd like to come away from it checking for injuries. That would definitely perk my spirits up.
I have fantasies of being slammed up against walls, floors, and/or random surfaces (which is too noisy when there is a kid in the house).

I have been very intolerant. It's what I want, when I want it, or watch out. Maybe I just need to be put in my place.

I just don't want to be disappointed anymore. I keep hearing promises that I know won't be kept.

I have a friend that is possibly looking at a prison sentence. I don't believe my friend will stay alive for very long in there.

My world, my sanctuary, is getting ripped apart at the seams. When/If that happens, where will I turn?

I love my blog, but I am terrified to post this. How sad is that?

Being online feels too connected to the world. I've realized it's not so much leaving the house that I don't like. It's letting anyone in to see what is really going on inside me that is terrifying. I'm supposed to be the one that is so together.

What a lame thing to say. Nevermind.

Yep, need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully.

~Do not expand~