"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
~Do not expand~
Friday, May 27, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
My Minnesota trip (mostly Drunken Idiot story)
Hey all! I'm not feeling very creative today, so I'll try and give you the quick update.
The flight to Minnesota and back was uneventful. I loved my rental car. Thing had real 'get up and go'! Plus, it was pretty...
The wedding was cute. (I hate weddings.) It took place on a baseball field. The reception was a reception. 'Nuff said.
Actually, my sister-in-law was my 'date' for the reception. She's funny when she's drunk!! We ditched the reception by 9:30pm to go to a bar in my hometown. That was fun. I hung out with my partner-in-crime (at least she was until her second marriage). Plus, I saw some old friends. One introduced me to her new man as the girl that taught her a 'skill' he enjoys so much. I felt obligated to point out a difference in techniques (as reported to me a few years ago). Which only reminded her of the only one that would know the difference. Total loser in my opinion.
Speaking of total losers...
Partner-in-crime looks at me and asks, 'Do you smell that??'. She was referring to some thinks-he's-so-cool dude that has bathed in cologne. Too bad. It was a good scent -- if there hadn't been so much of it! I decided I needed to know what kind of cologne he was wearing. I also knew he would perceive my question as flirting. The fool.
Me: "What are you wearing?"
Drunken Idiot: (thinking he's being funny) "What am I wearing?? Well, a Rolex, a $5000 ring, blah blah about other expensive jewelry, blah blah his clothes..."
Me: "Don't tell me about all this expensive jewelry unless you're willing to give it to me."
15 minutes and much inane banter later, he finally answers the cologne question (with another ego rub)
Drunken Idiot: "I was at Northtown, and this guy opened a new shop. I spent $140 on a bottle this big" (fingers about 2 1/2 inches apart)
...But he didn't know what it was called. Moron.
I have to backtrack a few minutes here. After giving me his oh-so-clever answer about what he was wearing, he asked if I was available. We had been talking about two minutes.
Me: "Wait a minute. You are supposed to say Hi, How are you, What's your name before asking that."
Drunken Idiot repeats everything I just said verbatim, without waiting for any answers, and repeats the availability question.
Me: filing through all possible answers, can't find any I like and say, "That depends."
Drunken Idiot then begins to explain he isn't looking for a one night fling, he REALLY wants to get to know me. Did I mention we've only been talking for about two minutes?? Geez, I know I'm cool, but c'mon!
I proceed to laugh at him, since of course he's looking to get laid -- and he's not very smooth.
This only encourages him to convince me of his intentions. I have to laugh harder, shaking my head the whole time.
There's more. That's right. My interaction with this dumbass did not end there. I get invited back to his table, because he thinks he has the bottle of cologne over there. Since that was my entire reason for talking to him...
Ever been around one of those drunks that are so in love with the sound of their voice that you can't get a word in -- AND they insist you pay attention to them? Aren't they fun?
To alleviate any suspense, the cologne was British Knight or British Man or some dumb thing like that.
Just to make this faster -- Drunken Idiot claimed to have been married, had 4 kids, but left his wife when she got into drugs, went to school and played hockey in Boston, his uncle has a private jet, he comes from a rich family, and he himself is a millionaire. Oh, and he's kicked out of a local bar cuz he pulled a gun on a guy over a $100 dollar pool game. But he doesn't do that anymore. Oh no. Last February was the last time. (Dumbass)
He asked for my phone number professing how beautiful I was as he's picking up strands of my hair. My response? "I live in Tennessee." He then proceeds to tell me he doesn't care, he'll fly down to see me, he really wants to settle down, hair/beautiful thing repeated...
Me: "I don't want to settle down." Why tell dude I'm married? This is so much more fun!
He doesn't believe the TN thing, so I show him my license. That spawned a whole new topic. He noticed my last name, asked if I knew such-and-such (my sister-in-law), and I said I already told him that's who I was there with.
He starts gushing. She was his first girlfriend. Gush, nostalgia, etc... And would I go get her? (She was at a bar across the street -- the one he is banned from)
I stop at my partner-in-crime on my way out to tell her I'll be right back. Drunken Idiot comes up to her, telling her what I'm about to do, which is: go get my cousin! I never told him that. I didn't tell him jackshit about me. Dumbass just jumped to his own conclusions. Partner-in-crime looks at him like he just got off the short bus, and informs him that she's not my cousin, she's my SIL. He yells, "You lied!!"
Me: "No, I never lied to you..."
He is still going off, I walk out. I find SIL and ask her if she knows who I am talking about. She does not remember him at all, but is willing to go back and meet him -- especially once I informed her he was rich, and even if she didn't like him, she should use the shit out of him. Mean of me, you think? Nah. When someone spouts off constantly about how much money they have (confirming that they are totally insecure and believe you'll like them for their money), they deserve to be used. Idiots. Lucky for him, she won't use someone like that.
She meets him, sits with him, and still has no recollection of him. He buys her a beer, and she leaves the table. *laugh* It was probably coincidence that it happened at that exact moment, and she did say thanks for the beer as she was walking away.
There were many other drunks to tell you about, but why? You know them. The Heartbroken -gonna die trying to prove his love- Drunk Guy. The Droopy Eyed Old Man that always wants to dance. The Drunk wanna be-Sexy Slut (but she's not sexy - at all). The Friends of the Drunken Idiot (poor guys). Etc.
Actually, my sister's ex (The Heartbroken Drunk) informed me that Drunken Idiot did not play hockey in Boston, is not a millionaire, is not wearing uber expensive jewelry, does not come from a rich family, his uncle does not own a private jet, etc... And to stay away from him. Whatever. I can handle dumbasses. I am formally trained in dumbass-handling. Never Fear, I am here!
Drunken Idiot did stop me on my way out the door to tell me that the reason he remembers my cousin (nope, he didn't remember I was married) so well is because she was his first love.
The next day we went to Como Park (a zoo), and I took pictures of the cute animals. My SIL came to the conclusion that it's a good thing we live in separate states, or else we would get into a lot of trouble together.
Nah, it's only trouble if you get caught.
~Do not expand~
The flight to Minnesota and back was uneventful. I loved my rental car. Thing had real 'get up and go'! Plus, it was pretty...
The wedding was cute. (I hate weddings.) It took place on a baseball field. The reception was a reception. 'Nuff said.
Actually, my sister-in-law was my 'date' for the reception. She's funny when she's drunk!! We ditched the reception by 9:30pm to go to a bar in my hometown. That was fun. I hung out with my partner-in-crime (at least she was until her second marriage). Plus, I saw some old friends. One introduced me to her new man as the girl that taught her a 'skill' he enjoys so much. I felt obligated to point out a difference in techniques (as reported to me a few years ago). Which only reminded her of the only one that would know the difference. Total loser in my opinion.
Speaking of total losers...
Partner-in-crime looks at me and asks, 'Do you smell that??'. She was referring to some thinks-he's-so-cool dude that has bathed in cologne. Too bad. It was a good scent -- if there hadn't been so much of it! I decided I needed to know what kind of cologne he was wearing. I also knew he would perceive my question as flirting. The fool.
Me: "What are you wearing?"
Drunken Idiot: (thinking he's being funny) "What am I wearing?? Well, a Rolex, a $5000 ring, blah blah about other expensive jewelry, blah blah his clothes..."
Me: "Don't tell me about all this expensive jewelry unless you're willing to give it to me."
15 minutes and much inane banter later, he finally answers the cologne question (with another ego rub)
Drunken Idiot: "I was at Northtown, and this guy opened a new shop. I spent $140 on a bottle this big" (fingers about 2 1/2 inches apart)
...But he didn't know what it was called. Moron.
I have to backtrack a few minutes here. After giving me his oh-so-clever answer about what he was wearing, he asked if I was available. We had been talking about two minutes.
Me: "Wait a minute. You are supposed to say Hi, How are you, What's your name before asking that."
Drunken Idiot repeats everything I just said verbatim, without waiting for any answers, and repeats the availability question.
Me: filing through all possible answers, can't find any I like and say, "That depends."
Drunken Idiot then begins to explain he isn't looking for a one night fling, he REALLY wants to get to know me. Did I mention we've only been talking for about two minutes?? Geez, I know I'm cool, but c'mon!
I proceed to laugh at him, since of course he's looking to get laid -- and he's not very smooth.
This only encourages him to convince me of his intentions. I have to laugh harder, shaking my head the whole time.
There's more. That's right. My interaction with this dumbass did not end there. I get invited back to his table, because he thinks he has the bottle of cologne over there. Since that was my entire reason for talking to him...
Ever been around one of those drunks that are so in love with the sound of their voice that you can't get a word in -- AND they insist you pay attention to them? Aren't they fun?
To alleviate any suspense, the cologne was British Knight or British Man or some dumb thing like that.
Just to make this faster -- Drunken Idiot claimed to have been married, had 4 kids, but left his wife when she got into drugs, went to school and played hockey in Boston, his uncle has a private jet, he comes from a rich family, and he himself is a millionaire. Oh, and he's kicked out of a local bar cuz he pulled a gun on a guy over a $100 dollar pool game. But he doesn't do that anymore. Oh no. Last February was the last time. (Dumbass)
He asked for my phone number professing how beautiful I was as he's picking up strands of my hair. My response? "I live in Tennessee." He then proceeds to tell me he doesn't care, he'll fly down to see me, he really wants to settle down, hair/beautiful thing repeated...
Me: "I don't want to settle down." Why tell dude I'm married? This is so much more fun!
He doesn't believe the TN thing, so I show him my license. That spawned a whole new topic. He noticed my last name, asked if I knew such-and-such (my sister-in-law), and I said I already told him that's who I was there with.
He starts gushing. She was his first girlfriend. Gush, nostalgia, etc... And would I go get her? (She was at a bar across the street -- the one he is banned from)
I stop at my partner-in-crime on my way out to tell her I'll be right back. Drunken Idiot comes up to her, telling her what I'm about to do, which is: go get my cousin! I never told him that. I didn't tell him jackshit about me. Dumbass just jumped to his own conclusions. Partner-in-crime looks at him like he just got off the short bus, and informs him that she's not my cousin, she's my SIL. He yells, "You lied!!"
Me: "No, I never lied to you..."
He is still going off, I walk out. I find SIL and ask her if she knows who I am talking about. She does not remember him at all, but is willing to go back and meet him -- especially once I informed her he was rich, and even if she didn't like him, she should use the shit out of him. Mean of me, you think? Nah. When someone spouts off constantly about how much money they have (confirming that they are totally insecure and believe you'll like them for their money), they deserve to be used. Idiots. Lucky for him, she won't use someone like that.
She meets him, sits with him, and still has no recollection of him. He buys her a beer, and she leaves the table. *laugh* It was probably coincidence that it happened at that exact moment, and she did say thanks for the beer as she was walking away.
There were many other drunks to tell you about, but why? You know them. The Heartbroken -gonna die trying to prove his love- Drunk Guy. The Droopy Eyed Old Man that always wants to dance. The Drunk wanna be-Sexy Slut (but she's not sexy - at all). The Friends of the Drunken Idiot (poor guys). Etc.
Actually, my sister's ex (The Heartbroken Drunk) informed me that Drunken Idiot did not play hockey in Boston, is not a millionaire, is not wearing uber expensive jewelry, does not come from a rich family, his uncle does not own a private jet, etc... And to stay away from him. Whatever. I can handle dumbasses. I am formally trained in dumbass-handling. Never Fear, I am here!
Drunken Idiot did stop me on my way out the door to tell me that the reason he remembers my cousin (nope, he didn't remember I was married) so well is because she was his first love.
The next day we went to Como Park (a zoo), and I took pictures of the cute animals. My SIL came to the conclusion that it's a good thing we live in separate states, or else we would get into a lot of trouble together.
Nah, it's only trouble if you get caught.
~Do not expand~
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Hello! *waves*
I'm back! I'm trying to get through all my email right now. I so need a laptop that is always available to be online!!!
I've missed all of you, and I'm looking forward to reading all that went down in the blogosphere.
~Do not expand~
I've missed all of you, and I'm looking forward to reading all that went down in the blogosphere.
~Do not expand~
Friday, May 13, 2005
Sayonara! Adieu! Au revoir!
I am about to leave for my two part trip. First, out to the castle until Wednesday morning. (4am. Being awake that early should be outlawed.) Then off to Minnesota! (Hopefully the weather will clear up by then.)
You may all shed a tear for me. I will be without internet access until May 23rd. Argh! How will I survive? I'll miss all of you so much!!
I love my blogging buddies...
~Do not expand~
You may all shed a tear for me. I will be without internet access until May 23rd. Argh! How will I survive? I'll miss all of you so much!!
I love my blogging buddies...
~Do not expand~
Another random quote
The Ancient Doctrine of Mind Over Matter: I don't mind... and you don't matter. -- As revealed to reporter G. Rivera by Swami Havabanana
~Do not expand~
~Do not expand~
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Beware the blue hairs!!
Check out this list of banned items.
Do any of them seem strange to you? I understand most of them, like 'cutting instruments'...
But knitting needles? Have you ever heard of a plane hijacked by knitting needles? Granted, I can see the possibilities. All the blue hairs rise up in revolt... But is it necessary to ban them?
Nail clippers? What are you going to do with nail clippers? This one, I admit, I cannot see the possibilities. Chase the stewardess while clicking your clippers at her?? Would she even run? And if she did, wouldn't the passengers just laugh?
There was another list that banned lighters and strike anywhere matches -- but you could have up to four packs of safety matches. Are those the ones that come in the fold over case? I cannot believe they are making it so difficult to grab a smoke. And are safety matches really that much safer if you are going to set something on fire? Where is the logic?
Update: I just read something about all lighters being prohibited -- even from checked baggage. What the hell?
No wonder more people are driving nowadays. If it wasn't 17 and a 1/2 hours, I'd drive too.
~Do not expand~
- Items Banned on Airlines
Previously forbidden, carry-on or checked luggage:
toy guns
fireworks
explosives
butane lighter refills
paints
bleaches
Newly forbidden carry-on items:
knives, scissors or shears of any kind
nail clippers
straight-edged and certain other razors
box and carpet cutters
ice picks
"cutting instruments" of any kind
Banned by some foreign airlines and airports:
darts
baseball bats
pool cues
knitting needles
Do any of them seem strange to you? I understand most of them, like 'cutting instruments'...
But knitting needles? Have you ever heard of a plane hijacked by knitting needles? Granted, I can see the possibilities. All the blue hairs rise up in revolt... But is it necessary to ban them?
Nail clippers? What are you going to do with nail clippers? This one, I admit, I cannot see the possibilities. Chase the stewardess while clicking your clippers at her?? Would she even run? And if she did, wouldn't the passengers just laugh?
There was another list that banned lighters and strike anywhere matches -- but you could have up to four packs of safety matches. Are those the ones that come in the fold over case? I cannot believe they are making it so difficult to grab a smoke. And are safety matches really that much safer if you are going to set something on fire? Where is the logic?
Update: I just read something about all lighters being prohibited -- even from checked baggage. What the hell?
No wonder more people are driving nowadays. If it wasn't 17 and a 1/2 hours, I'd drive too.
~Do not expand~
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Random Quote
I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the "WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE in the yard ...
~Do not expand~
~Do not expand~
Credit cards are tools of the devil
Let me just say, I hate credit cards. I hate what they represent. I hate how easily they can mess up people's lives with their whispered temptations. I hate how perfectly intelligent people can act perfectly stupid when they have that plastic gold in their hands.
That being said...
I got my very own credit card!! In my name, and everything. Oh, the possibilities...
In my defense, the only reason I applied for one of these dumb things was so I could rent a car in Minnesota next week. This way, my in-laws will not have to pick me up, or drop me off at the airport. It's over 2 hours from their house to the airlines, and with having to get there 2 hours early... UGH!
I hate airports. I don't mind flying (it's hell on my ears though), but I do mind the airports. Get there way early, sit around while fluorescent lighting drains you of any energy, and then the long process of loading the plane, waiting for take-off, the long layovers (or even worse, the really short ones where you have to run a mile to catch your flight), and then finally landing at your destination, hoping all your luggage is there, and then trying to leave the airport -- which has problems of it's own. Like traffic, shuttles to rental places, trying to carry all your luggage, etc.
And I get to do all this with Little Diva in tow. I will so want a cigarette by the time we get to Minnesota.
~Do not expand~
That being said...
I got my very own credit card!! In my name, and everything. Oh, the possibilities...
In my defense, the only reason I applied for one of these dumb things was so I could rent a car in Minnesota next week. This way, my in-laws will not have to pick me up, or drop me off at the airport. It's over 2 hours from their house to the airlines, and with having to get there 2 hours early... UGH!
I hate airports. I don't mind flying (it's hell on my ears though), but I do mind the airports. Get there way early, sit around while fluorescent lighting drains you of any energy, and then the long process of loading the plane, waiting for take-off, the long layovers (or even worse, the really short ones where you have to run a mile to catch your flight), and then finally landing at your destination, hoping all your luggage is there, and then trying to leave the airport -- which has problems of it's own. Like traffic, shuttles to rental places, trying to carry all your luggage, etc.
And I get to do all this with Little Diva in tow. I will so want a cigarette by the time we get to Minnesota.
~Do not expand~
Thursday, May 05, 2005
I've been tagged!!!
Okay, I've been tagged by Cricket.
I have to pick five things to be. *laugh* Girl, don't you know I take pride in not doing anything??
If I could be a crash-test dummy... I would enjoy the hell out of my job. Imagine. Drive really really fast, and not having to worry about crashing cuz that's what I'm supposed to do. Wonder if they are hiring?
If I could be a designer... I would make clothes for all body types. One of my biggest pet peeves is the people that wear the wrong clothes. No matter your size or shape, you could always find flattering clothing. I want to be a designer that takes over the world. Anyone want to join me?
If I could be a missionary... I wouldn't make them accept Christ before giving them food. I would try to teach by example, instead of threats.
If I could be a hooker... I would have way more money than I do now. I would be one of the highest paid hookers around. I think the more PC term for what I would be is 'escort'. Nah, fuck PC.
If I could be Santa Claus... I would enforce that 'Naughty or Nice' rule. Why the hell would I bestow gifts on the brats?
Okay, I'm tagging GodHatesKittens, Raven, and Vincent.
Expand post.
(You get to answer any five of these and then add your own occupations)
If I could be a cabinet maker (~J~)
If I could be a synchronized swimmer (~J~)
If I could be a statistician (cricket)
If I could be a veterinarian (cricket)
If I could be a crash-test dummy (cricket)
If I could be a pilot (cricket)
If I could be a NASCAR driver (cricket)
If I could be a music executive (The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a grandparent(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a computer hacker(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a professional basketball player(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a Customer Service Representative(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be an artist
If I could be a marketing director
If I could be a nanny
If I could be a psychic
If I could be an emergency medical technician
If I could be a firefighter
If I could be a designer
If I could be a policeman/woman
If I could be a teacher
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sheriff Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)
If I could be a rich man
If I could be perfect
If I could be a comedian
I have to pick five things to be. *laugh* Girl, don't you know I take pride in not doing anything??
If I could be a crash-test dummy... I would enjoy the hell out of my job. Imagine. Drive really really fast, and not having to worry about crashing cuz that's what I'm supposed to do. Wonder if they are hiring?
If I could be a designer... I would make clothes for all body types. One of my biggest pet peeves is the people that wear the wrong clothes. No matter your size or shape, you could always find flattering clothing. I want to be a designer that takes over the world. Anyone want to join me?
If I could be a missionary... I wouldn't make them accept Christ before giving them food. I would try to teach by example, instead of threats.
If I could be a hooker... I would have way more money than I do now. I would be one of the highest paid hookers around. I think the more PC term for what I would be is 'escort'. Nah, fuck PC.
If I could be Santa Claus... I would enforce that 'Naughty or Nice' rule. Why the hell would I bestow gifts on the brats?
Okay, I'm tagging GodHatesKittens, Raven, and Vincent.
Expand post.
(You get to answer any five of these and then add your own occupations)
If I could be a cabinet maker (~J~)
If I could be a synchronized swimmer (~J~)
If I could be a statistician (cricket)
If I could be a veterinarian (cricket)
If I could be a crash-test dummy (cricket)
If I could be a pilot (cricket)
If I could be a NASCAR driver (cricket)
If I could be a music executive (The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a grandparent(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a computer hacker(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a professional basketball player(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a Customer Service Representative(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be an artist
If I could be a marketing director
If I could be a nanny
If I could be a psychic
If I could be an emergency medical technician
If I could be a firefighter
If I could be a designer
If I could be a policeman/woman
If I could be a teacher
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sheriff Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)
If I could be a rich man
If I could be perfect
If I could be a comedian
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
The Viagra Condom
By CHARLES RAE
A CONDOM that keeps men aroused in bed -just like the sex pill Viagra- could soon go on sale in Britain.
Go ahead, expand. Ya know you want to. You're dying of curiosity now, aren't you? Well, what are you waiting for? Click 'Want more?'.
The contraceptive holds a chemical which increases blood flow.
Makers hope it will prove popular with romeos who find love-making with condoms a flop - and make them more willing to practice safe sex.
The product, currently known as the "condom safety device" CSD500, was designed by scientists at Futura Medical, based in Guildford, Surrey.
Chief executive James Barder said: "Research shows at least two per cent of condoms slip off during intercourse.
"A major reason is that at times men don't remain fully aroused.
"Around 13 billion condoms are used each year, so there's a lot of scope for unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections."
If regulators approve the CSD500, it could be available in UK chemists within 18 months.
link
A CONDOM that keeps men aroused in bed -just like the sex pill Viagra- could soon go on sale in Britain.
Go ahead, expand. Ya know you want to. You're dying of curiosity now, aren't you? Well, what are you waiting for? Click 'Want more?'.
The contraceptive holds a chemical which increases blood flow.
Makers hope it will prove popular with romeos who find love-making with condoms a flop - and make them more willing to practice safe sex.
The product, currently known as the "condom safety device" CSD500, was designed by scientists at Futura Medical, based in Guildford, Surrey.
Chief executive James Barder said: "Research shows at least two per cent of condoms slip off during intercourse.
"A major reason is that at times men don't remain fully aroused.
"Around 13 billion condoms are used each year, so there's a lot of scope for unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections."
If regulators approve the CSD500, it could be available in UK chemists within 18 months.
link
Fun little snippet (that is completely useless information)
Movies
Last Saturday I saw two movies in the theatre. We have this great place here that only charges a buck fifty per movie. So, if you are patient enough, you can see the newer movies at a later time w/o having to shell out several hundred dollars.
We saw National Treasure (my kind of movie!), and A Series of Unfortunate Events (cuz we have read part of the series).
We enjoyed both movies. I think (and I'm surprised by this) National Treasure was my favorite. My excitement level didn't die down during the entire movie. Like I said, my kind of movie. Mysteries, clues, stuff going back hundreds of years... *happy sigh* I think I may want to own it.
Since Series combined the first three books, I need to get more of the series. We've read the first two books, and we have 8,9, and 10. Can't read those yet!
I think I want to make this double feature a regular thing.
On a sidenote, why are my pics pixelating? I've used Hello and ImageShack, and they are both doing it. Hello never used to do it, but all the pics on my photoblog are doing it too. Argh!! Help!!
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Monday, May 02, 2005
Another dumbass or two
Least Competent People
A 24-year-old woman was hospitalized in April in Nassau County, N.Y., after her boyfriend, tossing sticks to his dog, decided to toss his knife, instead, but the knife's handle loop caught on a finger when he flung it, and it snapped back, lodging in the woman's neck. She corroborated the story, and the man was not criminally charged. (An officer asked him, "When you threw the knife, what did you expect the dog to do?") [New York Post, 4-8-05]
Thinning the Herd.
According to police in Lake City, Mich., the plan of the 19-year-old man in March was to stab himself lightly in the chest, call 911, and blame the "attack" on a neighbor with whom he had been feuding, but he handled it badly and bled to death. [Cadillac (Mich.) News, 3-22-05]
I found the stories here. Check it out (if, like me, you are amused by other people's idiocy, and/or consider it the highest form of entertainment).
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Patience is a virtue.
Well, now I have my Technorati profile link up, but so far I have no claimed Weblogs.
How long will this take??
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How long will this take??
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Sunday, May 01, 2005
"I have a small scrotum"
A new record. I'm the only one that showed up on this Google search.
I am unbelievably proud.
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I am unbelievably proud.
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Just heard this on a commercial
"If you have a uterus, it increases your chances for uterine cancer."
Can we say, 'Duuuuh...' *with drool*
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Can we say, 'Duuuuh...' *with drool*
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"He's not my boyfriend."
Friday night I rekindled something. Something I hadn't done in years. Something I used to really enjoy. I even had someone teach me how to properly execute it. I remember that time in my life fondly.
I played pool.
I have my buddy over at My exciting hell I call life to thank for it. Thank you!!
I really suck at pool. I still have fun, though. I like to think of it as practice.
But that wasn't all the evening's entertainment had in store for us. Enter Drunk Steve.
This older guy approaches. He has the look of an old hippie. Most of my friends look like that. However, this guy was a professional drunk. You could just tell there have been long-term effects from drinking. Like memory loss.
Anyway, he walks up to me to ask if my 'boyfriend' went to go get more quarters. There were many ways I could have answered this. But, out of habit, I answered the most direct question. The one about the quarters. I told him that was exactly what he was doing.
Space of about 3 heartbeats...
"But he's not my boyfriend."
I had to actually remember to correct that part of his question. I mean, he was really just asking about the quarters, and I had already answered that.
Enter said 'boyfriend'. :D
He slides up to me, puts his arm around me, trying to effectively do a cock block. I just laughed. As if I needed his help against an old drunk guy. Ah, it was all in fun. (He kept his cock block to himself when I was talking with a pretty boy. *sigh* So nice to look at... )
Drunk Steve has an idea. He really just needs to hold a pool cue (his words). He was hoping we would be willing to play a 3-man game of Cut-throat. I had never played. 'Boyfriend' was really hoping I would say no. I did not oblige. Sorry! I thought it would be fun to learn a new game. Since neither of us knew the rules, Steve had to explain them. You each get 5 balls. You have to protect your balls, and knock the other ones in. The person left with balls on the table wins.
I don't think I could ever ever ever forget these rules. Steve was SO diligent in explaining them. As in, he would wait about 5 seconds, and tell us again how to play. It didn't matter whose turn it was. Steve was there to save the day by continuing to tell us how to play the game we were currently playing. He also had a repeated suggestion that we could team up on him. I repeatedly told him that wouldn't do any good, since I couldn't sink any balls.
He sprinkled his 'conversation' with a few priceless gems.
"My dad forced this game on me."
My dad didn't teach me how to play."
My favorite needs a little background. When he was first explaining the game, before we agreed to play, we had a little exchange.
"You need to protect your balls."
I quipped, "It's good to protect your balls."
"Yes, it is."
And then the gem:
"You have balls too. They're just up inside you." (He was dead serious.)
I considered being speechless, but I really don't enjoy being in that position.
I raised an eyebrow, looked at him with a deadpan expression, "Oh, I know I have balls."
My buddy was enjoying this. Of course, he's used to me, so he wasn't surprised in the least.
Anyway, we finish up the game. Drunk Steve won. I'll bet he would seriously kick ass at pool if he was sober.
After all that, we decided to go back to V's place and watch a B movie. A Kung Fu B movie. I suggested we practice the moves in his living room. We each had a Satan's Snack Bar in the car. Oh, sweet unholy bliss!!
Kung Fu movie was great, but it was a good thing I was the only one doing moves. I would have gotten my ass kicked! I was standing on the couch, making fun of the movie, filling in lines, 'finding the balance', and, of course, I leaped off the couch.
It was a good time, even if he warned me about disturbing his neighbors. Pshaw! The neighbors can take it.
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I played pool.
I have my buddy over at My exciting hell I call life to thank for it. Thank you!!
I really suck at pool. I still have fun, though. I like to think of it as practice.
But that wasn't all the evening's entertainment had in store for us. Enter Drunk Steve.
This older guy approaches. He has the look of an old hippie. Most of my friends look like that. However, this guy was a professional drunk. You could just tell there have been long-term effects from drinking. Like memory loss.
Anyway, he walks up to me to ask if my 'boyfriend' went to go get more quarters. There were many ways I could have answered this. But, out of habit, I answered the most direct question. The one about the quarters. I told him that was exactly what he was doing.
Space of about 3 heartbeats...
"But he's not my boyfriend."
I had to actually remember to correct that part of his question. I mean, he was really just asking about the quarters, and I had already answered that.
Enter said 'boyfriend'. :D
He slides up to me, puts his arm around me, trying to effectively do a cock block. I just laughed. As if I needed his help against an old drunk guy. Ah, it was all in fun. (He kept his cock block to himself when I was talking with a pretty boy. *sigh* So nice to look at... )
Drunk Steve has an idea. He really just needs to hold a pool cue (his words). He was hoping we would be willing to play a 3-man game of Cut-throat. I had never played. 'Boyfriend' was really hoping I would say no. I did not oblige. Sorry! I thought it would be fun to learn a new game. Since neither of us knew the rules, Steve had to explain them. You each get 5 balls. You have to protect your balls, and knock the other ones in. The person left with balls on the table wins.
I don't think I could ever ever ever forget these rules. Steve was SO diligent in explaining them. As in, he would wait about 5 seconds, and tell us again how to play. It didn't matter whose turn it was. Steve was there to save the day by continuing to tell us how to play the game we were currently playing. He also had a repeated suggestion that we could team up on him. I repeatedly told him that wouldn't do any good, since I couldn't sink any balls.
He sprinkled his 'conversation' with a few priceless gems.
"My dad forced this game on me."
My dad didn't teach me how to play."
My favorite needs a little background. When he was first explaining the game, before we agreed to play, we had a little exchange.
"You need to protect your balls."
I quipped, "It's good to protect your balls."
"Yes, it is."
And then the gem:
"You have balls too. They're just up inside you." (He was dead serious.)
I considered being speechless, but I really don't enjoy being in that position.
I raised an eyebrow, looked at him with a deadpan expression, "Oh, I know I have balls."
My buddy was enjoying this. Of course, he's used to me, so he wasn't surprised in the least.
Anyway, we finish up the game. Drunk Steve won. I'll bet he would seriously kick ass at pool if he was sober.
After all that, we decided to go back to V's place and watch a B movie. A Kung Fu B movie. I suggested we practice the moves in his living room. We each had a Satan's Snack Bar in the car. Oh, sweet unholy bliss!!
Kung Fu movie was great, but it was a good thing I was the only one doing moves. I would have gotten my ass kicked! I was standing on the couch, making fun of the movie, filling in lines, 'finding the balance', and, of course, I leaped off the couch.
It was a good time, even if he warned me about disturbing his neighbors. Pshaw! The neighbors can take it.
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Food is good.
This one is on Emory Rd.
I am going to do a bit of free advertising.
See that picture? That is a grocery store that deserves to have voices raised in praise.
Okay, maybe not that extreme...
Here's the thing. It is very very cheap. We have been able to get groceries for the week, for all three of us, for under $30. Ponder that for a moment.
That includes suppers for 7 nights, plus lunches for husband and snacks.
A couple friends tried to turn me onto this store a while back, but I had a routine. Plus, I thought, 'How much cheaper can it really be?'. I had my doubts. And it was out of our way (I thought at the time. Turns out, it's not.)
If you have one of these in your city, I suggest you check it out. The price of produce alone is worth the trip. Or a 3lb. package of smoked sausage for $3... Toothpaste for a dollar. A bag of oranges for $1.50.
You get the idea.
/end advertisement
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