Snap, Crackle, Pop! orWhat doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.or Dear Everybody,

I am so sick of everything. I am NOT Elastigirl, people. Guess what? I can blow up too. I can get sick of all the stupid whiney shit. Everybody* just back the fuck off.
Why does everyone think their actions, reactions, overreactions, and (my personal fav) guilt trips aren't going to have any kind of effect on me? Hello!!! I may be fucking cool, but I am still human.
I am at the end of my fucking rope. I just want to pack up, and move. That's it. I don't want to socialize. I'm not in the mood. See, if I socialize, I'm not at home packing. That doesn't make me feel better - It makes me feel worse.
I will still go to the things I have committed to. Other than that, I'm not going anywhere; I'm not calling anyone; and if you whine about it, I'm likely to just blow the fuck up.
I just need to do what needs to be done around here. As soon as I move, I'll feel better. I won't have the stress of the move anymore, right??? I'm moving in a little more than a week. Think y'all can keep it together for that long??

I have my own things going on, and I'm trying to take care of me. But right now, the stress level is so high, -and it's not going down- it feels like my heart is going to explode. If I could drink, I would have been drunk for weeks. As it is, I just have to deal with it all by my sober self.

If I know something you don't, it doesn't mean you're stupid.
If you break the rules, I'm gonna get pissed.
If you whine because I didn't run to you for help, I'm gonna lose it.
If you ask me what's wrong, because you haven't heard from me, I'm gonna blow my top.

Here's the thing: My life does not revolve around you. Period. So quit taking everything so fucking personal! Here's a clue: I have my own stuff - I'm not even thinking about anyone else. I'll get back to being my normal, thoughtful, social self. But if y'all keep bugging the shit out of me during this time, I may not contact you when I am feeling social again. See, if y'all keep pissing me off, that's all I'm gonna remember. I'll remember you weren't a friend to me, but you wanted me to be a friend to you. Sorry. Only two-way relationships need apply.

I wish I could say it was just the outsiders stretching me to my limits, but the insiders are pretending I'm silly putty too. I'm all stretched out. I can't give any more. I'm out of patience, and I'm always boiling under the surface. Don't believe me? Y'all want to take it personally again? Get your facts first. Talk to my family. Then you'll see that they've been dealing with it too. They've been feeling the brunt of all my frustration. I would think, of all people, they would get it. Nope. They have been bugging the fuck out of me. Go ahead, ask (just don't ask me). But only if you want to know the truth. I want a break. I want to be alone. I want everyone to just shut the fuck up. I am not here for your amusement. It's not my job to entertain you. Right now, I need to take care of me. And with the feeling of a stroke/heart attack/Zeus-giving-birth type headache always there, I can't take even a tiny droplet more of stress-causing behavior.

I'm a big girl. I work out my own shit. I don't expect anyone to take care of me, and I sure as hell ain't going to run for help at every little thing. If I feel I can handle it, I will. If it gets to the point where I can't handle it, I'll ask for help. Then and only then. Especially since no one has actually been reassuring, or comforting. Everyone has been ME, ME, ME! It's my fucking turn. (If it was just the kid being selfish, I could understand. She's a kid. Right now, I can't even handle that.)

Why is it no one hears me unless I scream? I have been saying why I haven't been around. Calmly and rationally. And it wasn't fucking good enough. If y'all just shut your selfish insecurities up for awhile, you might remember what I said. Nothing to read into. Black and white. It's exactly what I said - only I was nice and considerate enough not to project my stress onto you. I didn't think you'd actually want to feel it. Apparently, I DO need to project my shit onto you for you to believe IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! GET OUT OF YOUR GODDAM HEADS! Hello! I am straight-forward. If I feel I need to express something to you, I will. If you haven't heard anything bad, there's nothing there. Let your imagination work on something a little more productive.


(Now I know how torture got started. I would love to turn this around, and let them all have a taste of what it's like. Oh, to hear them scream...)

I am so ready to snap.




*Not blogosphere people. Just the people I have to actually see and hear.

~Do not expand~