Conflicted

What are you supposed to do when you are required to give up parts of yourself to make someone else happy?

I know my automatic response is, "Fuck that!".

What if you promised something earlier, and in order to fulfill that promise you need to become less than what you are?

That is where I am conflicted.

When I make a decision or promise (really the same thing), it sticks. I follow through on what I said. Maybe I just give people too much credit. I assume that my promise would be enough - without conditions. No, wait. Not without conditions. There are always conditions. However, if the condition you require destroys the person you care about, it is not one that should exist. I understand conditions. I can't claim to love unconditionally. I have high standards. I want respect. I want my happiness to be considered. I want who I am to be part of the original equation. I also apply these things to the other person. I don't require anyone to do anything I wouldn't do. I have high expectations of myself and others.

I think I feel let down. I feel like I am about to lose something important. It's a very 'what's the point' attitude. I can feel myself sinking into depression - even if it is temporary.

Wow. I have been on such a roller coaster lately. My blog is turning emo. Sorry, guys.

I have been 'feeling' more lately than I have since I was a crazy mixed-up teen. So - very out of control, basically.

Well, this thing will turn out one way or the other. I don't like either choice. One way will effect me personally, and the other will effect anyone in the vicinity.

Do I break my promise, or do I change myself completely?