Statements that resonate with me

In order for you to insult me, I would have to value your opinion.

Don't attempt to drag everyone you come in contact with under the bus with you, just because you were stupid enough to play in traffic!

Especially this one:

Don't make your problem MY problem, because you won't like how I handle it.

Just because you think before you speak does not necessarily mean you have something intelligent to say!

Sometimes I wish I could just slap the stupid out of people, but I know the only outcome would be a sore hand...

I wish I could do this one:

When life gives you crap, stick it in a bag, light it on fire, and leave it on the porch of the person who caused it.

The human gene pool needs chlorine! (old, but still true)