Facing a fear

I'm in a funk. A funk I am trying to understand. There are moments, days even, when I feel like my old self. I have hope that I am finally emerging. I start to look forward to all the things I used to look forward to... But then, something will happen, sometimes just a thought, that sends me spiraling back down again.
I'm teetering between wanting to see my friends and thinking I wouldn't be very good company.

Maybe I just need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully. I'd like to come away from it checking for injuries. That would definitely perk my spirits up.
I have fantasies of being slammed up against walls, floors, and/or random surfaces (which is too noisy when there is a kid in the house).

I have been very intolerant. It's what I want, when I want it, or watch out. Maybe I just need to be put in my place.

I just don't want to be disappointed anymore. I keep hearing promises that I know won't be kept.

I have a friend that is possibly looking at a prison sentence. I don't believe my friend will stay alive for very long in there.

My world, my sanctuary, is getting ripped apart at the seams. When/If that happens, where will I turn?

I love my blog, but I am terrified to post this. How sad is that?

Being online feels too connected to the world. I've realized it's not so much leaving the house that I don't like. It's letting anyone in to see what is really going on inside me that is terrifying. I'm supposed to be the one that is so together.

What a lame thing to say. Nevermind.

Yep, need to get laid. Repeatedly and forcefully.

~Do not expand~