Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Conundrum

I am having a conundrum of sorts. ( I love that word.)
I have been re-evaluating one of my friendships. It doesn't seem to be a two-way street anymore. And if we are not friends to each other, then it isn't a friendship, is it?
I could ask this person, "What is going on in my life right now?", and this person would be unable to answer. This person has admitted to noticing me trying to change the subject (meaning trying to talk about me a little bit), and not letting me. I am feeling disenchantment? disillusioned? with the whole situation right now.
We used to banter.
We used to have equality.
We used to have respect for each other. No more.
Not from that person's side anyway. I've tried more than is necessary. I shouldn't have to scream and yell to get noticed. Mentioning something is bugging me should be enough. Apparently it isn't.

Maybe it's a phase... I don't know. If it is a phase, it has been going on for a long time. It would be nice if this person came out of their world, once in a while, to see what's happening in mine. You know what it is? I feel used. I feel as though I was a convenient set of ears, and it didn't really matter that it was me. Just ears. Since I wasn't able to talk about anything that was important to me...

Point in fact,this person was very rude to me a couple days ago, and hasn't mentioned it since. It shouldn't be up to me to bring it up. I have been there. I have listened. I have been a sounding board. I have cared.

But it doesn't go both ways anymore. That's where my conundrum enters the picture. What do I do? I don't deserve to be treated this way, and if this is all I have to look forward to, then the answer is clear. But, like I said, what if it is a phase?

And please, people, don't ask me who I am talking about.

3 comments:

Liz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Liz said...

I just went through the same thing.
I decided it had to end though, I'd been feeling that way for years before doing something about it. Please check out my blog's post "being a Nice Human" at www.otherware.blogspot.com. Maybe you'll find it helpful. Thanks and great blog!

~J~ said...

cricket -- I know what you mean. I was going 'round and 'round in my head way before even blogging about it. I, too, felt bad -- which is why I was trying to convince myself it was a phase. Luckily, we have talked since then, and are going to give it another go. At least I now know what to watch out for...


Liz -- I have gone through similar things before, and they usually ended badly. There's hope this time around though.