I'm done

I've decided to hell with my high standards. I am so sick of holding myself up to what is right---when everyone around me doesn't give a shit. They react EMOTIONALLY to situations. They are allowed to. Why? Because they don't care enough to make the change. They all just coast along in their happy misery. They can act stupid. They can put their foot in their mouths. They can expect others to just fucking accept it. And I am the one always stepping up to the plate. I face my fears. I deal with my insecurities without getting crippled. And now it is expected of me. People in my life are so used to me being the level headed one. I can think clearly even when pissed. I am expected to carry them, and be responsible for them AND myself. They can look up to me-- or just be thankful I helped them through something. Well, where's mine? I want to fuck up. I want to make mistakes. I want to just let loose of my emotional control. I am sick of doing everything right, no matter what. All these people let their issues and emotions direct their actions--and don't bother to think ahead. Why should they? Someone else will pick up the pieces. Someone else will be understanding. Someone else will be kind and adjust to their shit. Yeah. Great. I AM that someone else. I am who they turn to when they can't be strong enough to deal with their shit on their own. Which is stupid. All they do is talk, bitch, complain, cry .. whatever. And then go back to the stupidity that is their life with a goofy happy grin because someone else is now carrying their problems. Well, I don't see why I need to do that shit anymore. I don't want to be the bigger person anymore. So what if I turn into a total bitch because I'm just saying/doing what I feel. They can be the ones to deal for a change. I am tired. So very tired. At the moment, I can't think of one other person that is on par with me. That's a lot of responsibility to take on. I don't want to be responsible anymore. I want to be the lesser person. And what's frustrating, even if I do this-- they'll all believe it's just a phase I'm going through. They won't be able to accept I might be making a life change here. They won't think I'll do it for long because I won't like it. How do they know? How can so many people be wrong? If everyone is just coasting along in life, it must be easy, right? Why wouldn't I like easy? I mean, seriously, how cool would it be for someone else to pick up my pieces? I would no longer have to worry about doing what's right. I can just do what I want-- and everyone else be damned.