Slowly, but surely

I have been trying it. Giving into my emotions--without caring about people seeing me lose it. And you know what? It was kind of nice. I reacted -- just like the other folk do -- and I didn't get looked down on, or even blamed for how I was feeling. In fact, I have had offers from others to take care of the things that were bothering me. And they made good on their offers. It was amazing.

There is one thing I don't like about this new path: I hate other people taking care of me. And that weakness is a necessary evil if I'm going to become like everyone else. It's all part and parcel of the whole reacting emotionally gig. But here's the cool part: I can allow myself to react no matter what-- Before, I waited until I had my husband alone, and then vented to him. Poor guy. He had to take on so much.

I tried this on Saturday. I exploded/vented/ranted/cussed like a sailor to my husband and a friend. This friend has only seen me lose it once, and I actually felt guilty about it (and also restrained myself a bit). He got to see the venomous bitch side of me. He is so cool. It didn't rattle him a bit. He even agreed with the reason for my rant. Both him and my husband stepped up to the plate. Which was good. They could handle the situation much better than I could. I was so pissed off, I was shaking, getting chills, my stomach hurt, and my head felt like it was alternating between going numb and pulsating. I had no idea how I was going to get through the plans for the evening. But after a very hot shower, and some time to myself, I was able to deal.

Yay me.