Blech.

Hey folks.

I've been in a really weird head space lately. I think it's stress related, but I can't be sure. Might just be a phase. For instance, last Saturday I skipped something that is usually very important to me. It's a once-a-month event, and I ALWAYS go. But I felt like spending time with my family (ya know, the people I live with and see everyday). If you knew what individuals we all are, you would understand how odd that is.

I'm also trying to get a job. Short-term work. We need money for a couple of different things before October 16th. We actually need another $230 before next week. It's the extra stuff that pops up every now and then. Our normal day-to-day financial stuff is fine.

One of the things is Little Diva's annual "parade in front of the agents" as I call it. Normally, it is in April. For some reason, they have decided to hold the event in October this year. Works perfect for the little one, not so perfect when it comes to money. There is no tax return in October.

The other thing is my fine from my Kentucky accident. Yuck. I say it again: Yuck.

I've also been feeling very depressed and helpless with the disaster that calls itself Katrina. I've been very impressed with how everyone has been pulling together to help out. I have no way to relate to the victims. I feel for every person and animal that was (or still is) stranded down there. I go into panic mode each time I hear another letter of the alphabet has been assigned. Like Ophelia. Maybe that's why we are in dire need of rainfall. Collective panic keeping the storms away.

I'm also feeling a personal loss. I didn't have friends or family down there. But as long as I can remember, I have loved New Orleans. The people, the culture, how different it is from any other place, etc. AND I've never been there. I have always felt it call to me. I've been planning for years to make it down there. The history alone is amazing!! I've wanted to stroll through the Garden District, and gaze upon the old, beautiful houses. I've wanted to visit the run-down cemeteries. I've wanted to visit the cathedral-like churches. There is so much I have wanted to absorb and observe. That's where the loss comes in. I never made it down there. I am grieving for a city and all it represents. And it is just killing me. I hope they rebuild the city. I hope the people move back home. That's what made the city special. That's what created it's culture. That's who is a part of history. The people. I wish them well.

~Do not expand~