Chaos, Sims, and back to Chaos

Okay - so I'm not dead.

I don't think I'm quite me either. I have been extremely unmotivated, moody, and just the other night I felt like I had to personalities - and one of them was raging pissed at my husband for no good reason. I could hear the rational side of me saying there was no reason to feel like this, and to calm the fuck down -- But I didn't wanna. Or rather, the other self didn't wanna.

I wonder if Sybil felt like this.

Since it wasn't anything he did, I'm guessing this is part of the grieving process. I just didn't realize I was going to go insane in the process!! She's not even dead yet, and I'm already completely chaotic.

My uncle started an update blog for everyone to check out on a daily basis. My step-sister is checking it, and writing on it everyday.

It's really hard knowing she is going to be gone very soon. She is worse every time I see her. Her memory of short term things pretty much sucks the big one.

I wish I knew how to deal with this. I'm aware there are five stages of grief. Does anyone know how I can get through them smoothly?

I feel like I have been taking stupid pills. My brain is like cheese cloth. (I'm not sure I've even seen cheese cloth...) I am filled with all this erratic, chaotic energy. That is so not me. I am the calm one, the clear thinker. I feel like I have ADD or something. Any advice on dealing with this chaos would be welcome.


Wow. Didn't mean to come back with such a downer.

In other news, my Sims are flourishing beautifully. Especially Stud Wannabe. He is in the Military career path (just cuz it pays the most), and has just recently been promoted to Commander, I think. The only hard thing about the game is trying to make new friends. Most of our neighbors are Cancers, and Stud just doesn't get along with them. For right now, in order to get promoted, Stud is making friends with Sims that I am planning on killing off after they make me enough money. I think drowning, but we have found out if you put them in a room, and take away the door, they will die of starvation. I think my favorite thing about them dying is the Grim Reaper. If you are fortunate enough to have another Sim there, they can try and plea for your life. You then have to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with the Reaper. Maybe my favorite thing is you can sell their tombstone.

I am severely addicted. My only consolation is it's not crack. I will take pot if anyone is willing to give me some. I tried taking a couple swigs off of a bottle of Buttershots the other night, and was promptly told to slow down. I had only taken two swigs, but they were one right after the other. After defensively explaining they were small sips, I took another one.

See? I am not myself, and I would like to know how to be me again. As me, I can handle anything that is thrown at me - calm, cool, and collected.

Wow. Check that tangent. I had completely forgot I was talking about Stud.

I am ready to die of embarrassment that I am even posting this. Yet, I am going to. And I don't know why. It's not for sympathy, I know that much. I think it is because I actually need help. I need to ground this chaotic energy, and get back to thinking clearly. My mind is my most valuable asset. I need it back. Anyway, normal grounding isn't working. This is something bigger. I feel like if you could look inside me, you would just see mass amounts of electricity firing at will. Makes my head feel all tingly.

Okay, I am going to shut up now.

~Do not expand~