Check.

Someone canceled plans on me tonight. I was really looking forward to our plans. Canceled at the last minute, too. After making my feelings about it clear early on in the day, I'm surprised it still happened.

Maybe this person is playing games with me. Maybe that's all they know how to do. Maybe I don't give a shit. I play games with the best of them, and I am making a huge effort not to this time.

I opened myself up, and look what happened. I knew better, too. Well, I'll know from now on.

I think L was relieved when it wasn't him or the Diva that pissed me off so much. Poor guy. He comes home from work, asks me how I'm doing, and I reply, "I'm pissed off." I was shaking, I was so... There isn't a word for it. At least, I can't think of the proper term right now.

I got a phone call. A phone call that upset me - to the point of showing I was upset. SO not me. I hear a threat at the end of the conversation - which I didn't even realize was a threat till hours later. That shows how threatened I was. I hang up and finish my cigarette. As soon as I step inside -don't even take my coat off-, I start composing the mean and evil email I was given permission to write. Just as I was getting started, L walked in. See? Poor guy.

When we were done with supper, L and I stepped outside so I could talk. Yeah, talk. That's what I did. As long as ranting, raving, plotting revenge I'll never act out, feeling hateful and hurt, and generally acting pissed falls under the category of talking...

Later L told me how relieved he was. He also thought I was tame in my treatment of this disappointing someone. L has actually seen me fully ON. It has been directed toward him before. Dudes, he knows. Tonight he said when I'm fully pissed off (and showing it), all I am missing is pair of demon's wings. That cracked my ass up! I could picture it so clearly. L is fully aware, as am I, that my disappointing someone is not ready for that yet.

I just need to figure out my next move in the Chess Game of Life.