Friday, July 01, 2005

Neighbor details

I was asked about the neighborhood. Well, I've finally met one of the neighbors.

I stepped outside to have a cigarette. I had the phone with me, because I was calling someone. Duh. (A friend and I had been playing phone tag for a couple days.)
This chick starts walking up to me. I'm hoping she has nothing bad to report cuz she couldn't possibly be coming over to chat -- I mean, I have a phone pressed up to my ear...
Phone friend wasn't home -- which was a good thing since Neighbor chick is now sitting on my front porch. Okay, I know I'm a Damn Yankee and all, but is this normal down here??

Okay, whatever. I should meet my neighbors anyway, right? Especially since my 10 year old is holding her 8 month old baby...

Anyways - She said the most random things. You'll see.

Neighbor: (from here on it will just be N) My husband broke my phone last night.
Me: (what the hell am I supposed to say to that??) ...
(Pause)
Me: (Brain kicked in) Do you need to use the phone? Go ahead. *pointing to it laying next to her*
N: Yes. I had two doctor's appointments today, but I couldn't call them.
N: (Makes a call to the dentist)
N: One of my appointments was to see if I'm pregnant again.
Me: *Look of total surprise* Really? (Yeah, I know - genius response.)
N: Yeah, I missed my birth control shot.
Me: Do you want to have another kid? (For those of you that don't know, this is usually your safest bet for a response. "Congrats!" isn't always appropriate.)
N: I'd like to have a girl. But I asked my husband about it the other night, and he said 'No', so I cried all night. (Case in point)
Me: (wondering why she is telling me this) Well, maybe you aren't pregnant.
N: I think I am. The way the birth control shot works is like a fertility drug. As soon as you miss it, you ovulate.
Me: (Haven't these two ever heard of condoms???) Oh, yeah, you need to find out. *trying really hard to care*

About this time, she picks up the phone to call the doctor. I couldn't figure out why she didn't call him right after she called the dentist, but...

While she's on the phone, I'm talking to my kid, reminding her not to let the dogs lick the baby's face. Gross, I know. Well, so are babies.

After she gets off the phone, I say something lame about the dogs just learning how to be on leashes or something like that. Everything else that was running through my head was offensive. Sue me. Geez.

N: I work at McDonald's.
Me: (What is the proper response to that?) Oh, here in Newport?
N: Yes.
(What a great conversation that was!)

Now at some point during all this, she informed me that one of our neighbors is an asshole. She knows this cuz her husband's sister-in-law's cousin's friend (or some other convoluted string of people) was married to him. Well, I'm convinced.

She finally decides it's time to go -- mostly cuz my kid wants to bring her baby to his house. Fine by me.

As she's walking away, she looks back over her shoulder, "Oh, by the way, my name is S______." I introduce myself, and then begin the procedure of getting my head back on straight.

We were just on two different wavelengths. Was it because she is still young and dumb? Was it because I have never felt the need to get to know my neighbors? Was the baby creeping me out too much? Who can say? Maybe it was just one of those things. I guess I'll find out when we speak again.

But I really want to know why she felt the need to tell me her husband broke her phone, she may be pregnant, her husband doesn't like the idea and she spent a night crying, where she works, and then last, but not least, her name. I can see the name thing, and saying that her phone was broken (she could leave out the fact that her husband did it), maybe stupid stuff about the move... Ya know, 'getting to know you' stuff. Cuz she didn't know me. At all. I just don't understand. If any of you can explain it to me, I'm all ears.

~Do not expand~

3 comments:

~J~ said...

As long as she keeps the baby away! *runs screaming*



Kidding. She can stay away too. I don't need the drama.


God, I'm a bitch. Oh well, never claimed anything different! :D

Robin Alexa said...

Geez. That falls under the category of WAY to much information in the first encounter with a neighbour. Can't wait to hear what she tells you after sh gets to know you better! :)

Robin Alexa said...

too not to...oops