I had to get up and leave early this morning. Remember the accident I had in Kentucky? Today was my court date. Mapquest timed it at 2hr 43min. (I made it in 2hr 8min.) The time to be there was 9:30am. I left here at 6:30am - That's only a 15 min cushion to allow for traffic, getting lost, etc.! I just HAD to make good driving time!! :D
When I was there early, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to go inside, because courthouses always have that brain numbing quality about them. (Tangent: I really need to find a new book to read. I'm going crazy!!)

Picture the show Night Court, but with the sun shining. That's where I was today. Just not funny.

AND, of course, they are going in alphabetical order. My last name begins with a T. Oy! They finally get to S. I'm next! I'm next!
Oh wait. No, I'm not. They suddenly must take care of a court matter -- and all of us have to leave the room. Great.
The least they could do is to provide a smoking area, but noooooooo... If I wanted to do that, I'd have to ride the elevator down to the main floor, go out the front door... But I just knew that by the time I got back, court would be back in session, and I would have missed my "I'm next!" opportunity. Can't have that.

These are the times I wish I had a laptop. Anyone know of one they can donate to my cause?

While sitting on the floor in the hallway, (writing in my notebook, buffing my nails) I notice this guy. He looks like he's been through the court system SEVERAL times. And he's staring at me. S t a r i n g. My god, I know I'm hot, but dude needs to learn to be discreet. Then smart guy (ever so casually) walks past me, waits a minute or two, then turns back to resume his spot on the wall. Oh, but look!! He has chosen a place closer to me. Brilliant. Didn't see that coming. A few minutes later, he squats down. To be more on my level, I can only presume. Once again, he shows he has the Mensa Seal of Approval. Oh, surprise of surprises!! He moved again. Now we are sharing a corner. Like the view down my shirt? I know I do.

My question is this:If I'm hot enough for HIM to stare at, what makes him think I would lower my standards to suit him?

Final diagnosis: Courtrooms should have clocks.


Wow. That rambled.

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Something to check out

I'm breaking the unspoken blogging rule, and posting something on the weekend. *gasp!*
Nothing earth-changing though, just a couple cool links.

What happens when you drug spiders

(Tibetan?) Prayer wheels for the web

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I'm gettin' there...

I have reached my first million in total worth on Blogshares!

Yay me!! *throwing confetti*

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Do you want to buy me?

I am worth $1,579,046 on HumanForSale.com

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Eeek!

Oh! Something I totally forgot to share yesterday --

We were all getting up in the morning (husband getting ready for work and kidling getting ready for school). So maybe I should rephrase that. They were up. I was barely able to crawl out of bed. Suddenly, I hear this blood curdling scream, followed by terrified frantic sobbing. It was the Little Diva.
I gazed upon her little sobbing form through my sleepy vision. I couldn't see anything wrong.
She tells me something about a huge spider, and her leg. As you can imagine, she wasn't very articulate. I got the idea. My husband captures the spider under a glass, and slides an envelope under it (to set it free outside).
I look at it, and instantly start reassuring my daughter, "That's not a spider, sweetie. That's a cave cricket."
I was told I was wrong. I take a closer look, and lo, and behold, I was wrong! (Hey, stranger things have happened.)
If you have any idea what a cave cricket is, you have an idea how big the body was on this thing. It's front legs were crawling up the glass (which I mistook for antennae). I don't think I have ever seen a spider this big before!

So why was it anywhere near Little Diva, you ask? It was in her shoe. When she went to put her foot in, this thing scurried out. She backed up in the same direction it was running -- so, of course, she thought it was chasing her.

She calmed down relatively fast. I was impressed. You see, she insists she's afraid of spiders. Frankly, I don't believe her. She always comes up with these things to insist upon. For years, she insisted she didn't like mashed potatoes. (Untrue. All it took was seeing one of her little friends eating them.) Right now, she also insists that she doesn't like American cheese.(I don't know where she got that one.) We don't call her Little Diva for nothin'! - said with a drawl. (Woo hoo! A double negative!!)


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FSMism or IM??? (Read after FSM post)

While wearing my pirate gear, I found a strong contender for FSM. That's right: Intelligent Math.
Is it possible to worship both??? According to Intelligent Math, any equation is possible. Hmmm.
LINK

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FSMism

I have been soul searching for the right diety to worship. I am happy to announce I have found Him.

I am still in speechless awe of Him, so you'll have to read about Him for yourselves.
LINK

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Things that make you go ... uhhh, I don't get it.

I was thinking about the weird things we feel uncomfortable with in our relationships. Ya know, the things that just don't make sense if we use the logical part of our brains.

For instance: I do not have a problem pissing out a lovely yellow stream (on the toilet, of course) in front of my husband. Something that's thought of as unclean (Most people don't say, "Ooo, she's pissing. I wanna go down on her." [Yes, I said most.]).

But I don't want him to watch me give myself a quick wash before sex -- something that is very clean.

Why is that? Why do we have such weird idiosyncrasies in our relationships?

With other people, I would have no problem having sex with them, -- revealed in all my glory -- but I would not want them to see me anywhere near a toilet.



It's these strange musings that cause traffic jams on my brain waves.


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Hmmm... Funny? Accurate?

A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years. -- Harry S. Truman

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Like I needed another one... :D

So Cricket, (y'all know Cricket, right?) has introduced a brand new addiction. Shame on you, girl!!!

The new addiction: Blogshares

It's a fantasy stock market for blogs. You sign up, get $500, and you can begin to play. I was lucky. My addiction partner gifted me some shares. I quickly turned that $500 into $100,000. You can also claim your blog (which gives you 1000 shares in it).

Something I found out today (Did you know this, Cricket?): You have a maximum number of transactions in a 24 hour period. I was just introduced last night, and already I've maxed myself out!

Who knows? I may own shares in one of your blogs!


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Emailed wisdom

"It is a paradox in the contemporary world that in our desire for peace we must willingly give ourselves to struggle." --Linda Hogan, CHICKASAW

The Grandfathers have taught us about sacrifice. We have been taught to pray for the people in a pitiful way. Struggle and conflict is neither good nor bad, it just is. Everything that grows experiences conflict. When the deer is born it is through conflict. When the seed first grows, it is through conflict. Conflict precedes clarity. Everything has the seasons of growth. Recognize - acknowledge - forgive and change. All of these things are done through conflict.

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Opinions?

I've been playing with my template again...



If you go out of your mind, do it quietly, so as not to disturb those around you.


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Kids say the darnest things!

"Daddy, I think you and Mommy ... Well, not Mommy. I think you should go out to a bar."

"Why not Mommy?"

Sounding distressed, "Because! A bunch of guys will beg her to drink beer with them!!"

I burst out laughing.

My husband didn't help. He was saying, "Will you pleeeease drink beer with me???" I had to stop laughing before I could explain that guys just don't do that.

I then had to assure the Little Diva that I can take care of myself in a bar.

Still haven't found out why she wanted him to go to a bar. My best guess? She associates bars with singing (karaoke), and he likes to sing.

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HaHaHa!!!

This cracked me up.

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The "Good Old Days" - 1902

US Statistics for the year 1902:

The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).

Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.

Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death in the US were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.

Link

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2 more funny searches that found this blog

stupid gay stuff
vasectomy mistake pics

*laugh* Who knew?

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Funny little man

Thanks to Jin, I was directed to a site of Bushisms. I think if I was stoned I might understand some of the things he said.

Some of my favorites:

"You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." —George W. Bush, on the Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives — like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write." —George W. Bush, on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one." —George W. Bush, on Social Security money held in private accounts, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, March 30, 2005

"In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible — whatever that means." —George W. Bush, on his time frame for shoring up Social Security, Washington D.C., March 16, 2005

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

And the stoned one:
"Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the — like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate — the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those — if that growth is affected, it will help on the red." —George W. Bush, explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005


There's more that I thoroughly enjoyed, but I figured you could find your own favorites. There are a lot more. I haven't even read all of them.

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WTF?!?!

How could I possibly be first on the list for little people porn?? (And misspelled at that.)

What the hell? Is that someone's PC way of searching for midget porn? Don't they know all porn uses non-PC terms? Seriously, when have you ever called your girlfriend a nasty cunt (and meant it as foreplay)? (Among other terms) Personally, I could handle being called names, but you start questioning the cleanliness of my kitty, I'll be sooo turned off. In fact, I'll be sure you don't get to see how 'nasty' it is.

Not that I have ever looked at porn myself... Or even had sex. Pure as the driven snow, I am.
(Driven snow? What does that mean? The snow the trucks are plowing off the road?)


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I'm very sorry to have to tell you...

Your lucky number has been disconnected.

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Hey Vincent!

They have a new kind of Satan's snack barz. Yep, I saw it on our road trip back. It's Cookies -n- Cream. I didn't get to try it cuz someone else thought it was for him... *laugh* I only wanted a bite!!
Anyway, I haven't seen it around here yet. However, I have seen boxes of 8 of these sinful treats. I was thinking about buying a box, going to your place, and we can make pigs of ourselves. Cheat day! What do you think?

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Template troubles

Why is it when I check the blogger preview it looks one way, but when I publish it looks different???

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Hey moron!

Whoever has the IP address of 67.32.224.80:445/tcp (and, for the last few figures - 25:445/tcp), leave me the hell alone. Quit trying to invade my computer! Like I have anything worth hacking...

And if it is to implant a virus, fuck off.


And now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you.


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Been reading, not blogging

I read the latest Harry Potter book. I just finished it tonight. (That's right. I read HP. Eat me.)
I thought it was very well done. I say that because I have no idea how the next book is going to be. All of my favorite characters were there, plus a few new ones.

I know this is a lame post, but I can't say any more than that. I would have been pissed if anyone told me anything about the book before I read it. Like the chick that told me during the last four chapters....

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#15 through #27 of 100 compliments

I thought I would compliment people who are not online (or, at least, don't know about this site).

First of all, my mom. She is a pillar of strength. ( I should know we've been fighting my entire life! *laugh*) She had a tumor in her brain stem, and they removed as much as possible -80%-, and she survived. This was two or three years ago. The doctors said she may never walk again, or use her left hand (which sucked since she is a lefty), and a bunch of other stuff. While the rest of my family members were collapsing into hysterical sloppy heaps, I wasn't as concerned. My mother is a fighter. I knew she would prove those doctors wrong. And she has!! She hasn't quite been the same since, but our relationship has improved. The rest of my family members are still nuts. *laugh*

My daughter, Little Diva, is just that - a diva. She continues to amaze me (and frustrate the hell outta me, but what else should I expect?). I have never known anyone to be so full of so many varied talents. And I'm not just saying that as her mom. She wants to get into the entertainment business, and I believe she will succeed. How could she not? She has my attitude!

My dogs, Saturn and Neptune, are the best. I know they aren't people, but they deserve a few words anyway. They are incredibly well behaved, and they have never been trained. It is just in their nature. They are both so patient and tolerant. You should see them putting up with hugs from Little Diva!! They have never bit us, or even snapped at us - and we have even put our hands in their mouth tempting them (dumb, I know, but I wanted to know what they would do.). I have complete faith in my dogs around little children, and that, I think, says it all.

The Great Ceremonialist has always fascinated me. He appears so humble. He doesn't spout off about his incredible wealth of knowledge. In fact, he prefers people to find the answers to their own questions. He is someone I trust. I would love to sit down, pick his brain, and learn all the stuff he knows!! I think of him as both mentor and friend.

N*, I admire that you are yourself, no matter what.

My Willow Tree, I have watched you change and grow into the person you now are. I love your strength and your creativity. I'm glad you've got my back, and I've got yours. Always.

Sprout, you are the happiest baby I have ever seen. I am going to enjoy watching you grow up.

Landlord, I love that you are still living life to the fullest. I hope I am doing that when I get older.

J.K. Rowling, you have the incredible talent of building a story up, climaxing, and bringing it back down without ever losing your reader's interest.

Starr, you are a very humble teacher. You have no idea how much I appreciate that!!

My husband, how could I live without you? (That's about as gushy as you're going to get, mister!)

Cousin N, you have grown into quite a man. I remember the hell-on-wheels you used to be! I am quite impressed with your transformation.

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Joke received in my email (I hate the Caps, but wasn't going to use a bunch of time changing it.)

President Bush Was Visiting A Primary School And He Visited One Of The Classes. They Were In The Middle Of A Discussion Related To Words And Their? Meanings. The Teacher Asked The President If He Would Like To Lead The Discussion On The Word "Tragedy".So The Illustrious Leader Asked The Class For An Example Of A "Tragedy".

One Little Boy Stood Up And Offered: "If My Best Friend, Who Lives On A Farm, Is Playing In The Field And A Tractor Runs Over Him And Kills Him, That Would Be A Tragedy."

"No, Said Bush, "That Would Be An Accident."

A Little Girl Raised Her Hand: "If A School Bus Carrying 50 Children Drove Over A Cliff, Killing Everyone Inside, That Would Be A Tragedy" - "Afraid Not", Explained The President. "That's What We Would Call A Great Loss." The Room Went Silent. No Other Children Volunteered. Bush Searched The Room. "Isn't There Someone Here Who Can Give Me An Example Of A Tragedy?"

Finally At The Back Of The Room A Small Boy Raised His Hand. In A Quiet Voice He Said: "If Air Force One Carrying You And Mrs. Bush Was Struck By A "Friendly Fire" Missile And Blown To Smithereens, That Would BeA Tragedy."

"Fantastic!" Exclaimed Bush. "That's Right. And Can You Tell Me Why That Would Be Tragedy?"

"Well," Says The Boy, "It Has To Be A Tragedy, Because It Certainly Wouldn't Be A Great Loss And It Probably Wouldn't Be An Accident Either."


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I have two words for you...

Google Earth.

Download it. Your Queen has spoken.

*grin*

Thanks, Alyssa!!!

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Stolen, stolen, stolen (Love you!!)

What Icons are for you?(Thank you for #1!! Please check out my other Memes!!) by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex	BothFemaleYES PLEASE!UndecidedMaleNeither
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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#9 through #14 of the compliments

Jin - You are hilarious wit your sharp wit! Plus, I have to like anyone that insults Iowa.

Blogthings - This is the blog where I get some of my favorite quizzes. Thank you!!

It's not rocket science peeps - Dudes, you are so right on! You are so funny, and I wish you would post more.

Overheard in New York - This blog is hysterical. They are actual snippets of conversation heard by people in NYC.

The Darth Side - Even if you don't like Star Wars, you would enjoy the story from Vader's point-of-view. Old Star Wars, not the most recent releases. (I never knew Vader was so funny!)

Alyssa - You seem to be one of the purest people I know. You are so wise without seeming the least bit old. If only we lived in the same country!! *grin*

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Another edition of "People are stupid"

While at a grocery store in Minnesota, I was standing outside smoking. This family (father, son, mother) pulls in and parks. The father and son head for the store, and the mother yells from the car, "The window isn't rolled up!"
The father replies with an, "Ah, fuck it." (Which I assumed to mean that he wanted her to just leave it.)
She looked totally irritated, and, of course, the father totally missed the look.

Then she...


reached inside the open window and locked the door.

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Stolen quote

"Christianity is a good religion, I wish more Christians would try it."

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Lesson for today

"All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the children of the earth." --Chief Seattle

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I am moving up the Food Chain.

I started as a Lowly Insect, but I am now a Flippery Fish!! Woo hoo!!

(For those of you that don't know wtf I'm talking about, scroll down to the bottom of the page, and check out the Ecosystem thingee...)

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I'm bald!!

Is it just me, or has my hair background completely disappeared??? Please tell me if you see it.

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I'm back!!

Wow. Gone for two weeks. It doesn't seem that long. Maybe because a week of it was spent traveling.

I could say the trip was uneventful, but I'd be lying. I could say it was uneventful for us personally, which it mostly was -- until we were in southern Kentucky on our way home.

I took a ton of pictures (Thank god for digital cameras!). I had never been out west before. Have any of you ever seen the mountains in Montana?? They are... majestic. They make you feel so insignificant, and, at the same time, very much a part of things.

The water in Idaho is phenomenal! People regularly bathe in the lakes and rivers out there. What a wonderful feeling! I did it twice while I was there - once in a lake, and once in a river. My hair was sooo soft. I didn't want to take a regular shower ever again. I didn't want that softness to go away. But here I am, back in the land of dirty water. The water is so clean there, you can see all the way to the bottom. Incredible!

But I'm jumping ahead...

We left here Wednesday the 6th at 11pm (about). We took turns driving and sleeping (since neither of us got a nap before we left). Every couple hours or so we would switch. No problems at all. I was even speeding through Wisconsin (something you should never ever do - The cops are strict, and if you don't have the money for the ticket right then, off to jail you go.) without a hitch. Oh, and when I say speeding, I generally mean 90mph or above - unless my internal cop radar goes off (I'll slow down then.).

We arrived in Minnesota around 4pm (well, 3pm Central time). Perfect! We actually arrived minutes after my father-in-law. We also found out that Husband's aunt and uncle would be caravanning with us in their RV. Coolness!

So we get all loaded up, it's after dark when we leave (I think). Oh, and by 'we' I mean me, Husband, Little Diva, father-in-law, sister-in-law, nephew, and Grandpa all in one RV. (Mother-in-law had previously flown out.) We immediately took our places. The smokers (sister-in-law and me) in the back bedroom with the windows wide open; the two kids on the upper bunk, Grandpa in the table/living room area; and Husband and father-in-law up front. At some point after take off, Husband comes back to the back bedroom -- he needs a catnap if he is going to be able to stay awake while his dad is driving. S-i-l was already asleep, and I was just laying there keeping an eye on the kids. I motioned to the space in the middle of the bed (it's a queen size) as a good spot for his nap. His sister wakes up a little while later to see her brother in bed, and thought that was a bit strange. :D When we stopped in Fargo, (I was also asleep by this time - as was everyone, but f-i-l driving) f-i-l came back to see if he could have the bed (I'm guessing). Instead, he saw all three of us passed out, and thought that was the funniest thing. He told the story many times over the next few days. Anyway, Fargo is only about three hours away from where we started. At least we were on the road! Get up, use the bathroom, get coffee... This ritual would be repeated countless times.

We had almost crossed North Dakota when s-i-l and I noticed the other RV pulled over on the shoulder. We yell up front, they start talking on the radio, and f-i-l starts looking for a flat enough spot in the median to turn around (did I mention this big RV is also pulling a trailer?). He found one, and only knocked the gray water pipe a little loose -- he was able to tie it back up.

The other RV was acting like it was out of gas. Not possible. We just filled up. Hmm... Fuel filter? Maybe. But no. Fuel pump? Bingo!

Anyway, since we were stopped, we took the opportunity to get clean clothes out of the trailer (I forgot to have a change in the RV). Also, we kicked the kids out. So what if we are on the interstate! Look at this big grassy ditch -- Perfect for laser tag!!

Luckily, Grandpa had AAA, and has the hundred mile tow option. He generously offered it to them. Turns out, AAA won't tow an RV unless you specifically have 'motorhome coverage'. Please. They had to pay for a tow. At this point Aunt C is freaking out, wanting to just turn around and go home, etc. They convinced her to continue on. Anyway, the tow truck charges $100 an hour. He had to tow them for about 15 minutes (if that). Guess how much he charged them -- $175!! Why, you may ask? I know I did. They had to pay for his drive time back to town after dropping them off at a shop. Bastard. The shop made up for it though. They were just about to close, but called Napa, got the part, dropped the fuel tank, and fixed her right up. A loud cheer went up from everyone when that baby was fired up!

On the road again...

Going through the mountain passes of Montana, their transmission started slipping. The first thought was that they were low on fluid. The drive shaft (?) was pulled loose during the tow - maybe some leaked out. Well, that got fixed, and all seemed well -- until we started going downhill. Tranny slipped again! We pulled into the next town, and found a Napa. Uncle R was going to change the filter and fluid. Luckily, Napa let us do it in their back lot. And we were also in town long enough to order pizza. Yum!

New filter and fluid in place, trailers switched (both RVs were pulling a trailer - now we were pulling the heavier one), we gave it another shot. We made it all the way to Idaho without any more problems. Yay!! I actually believed we were never going to get there. Illogical, I know.

Since it was starting to get dark, we didn't set up our tent until the next day. (Oh yeah. I can't remember where we stopped to sleep again, but we had different sleeping arrangements. *laugh* Husband and I in top bunk; S-i-l on couch; Kids on table bed; F-i-l in the back bed; and Grandpa in the driver's seat {He needs to sleep sitting up.}) So, same sleeping arrangements that first night in Idaho, only plus a mother-in-law.

I woke up the next morning in a hurry. I believed we were at a truck stop, and I needed to get up, get coffee, use the bathroom, etc before they left. I fly out of bed... to realize I'm in Idaho. *laugh* I should have gone back to sleep...

Anyway, that first day, laundry was big on my agenda. Since we only had hours to pack, we brought both clean and dirty clothes. No time to wash them here - plus we have the wrong cord for our dryer. They have a laundromat very close by. Woo hoo! Three loads. How can three people have so much stuff on a vacation?? It must have been just enough though, because when we got back to MN, we had a lot of laundry then too.

While I was at the laundromat, the RVs and tents got set up - plus this huge tarp to go over the cooking/eating area. We had a stove and a refrigerator (like you would find in your kitchen) outside. How cool is that?

I've never seen a family that enjoys each other's company as much as this one. Very different from my family - we are a set of individuals that happen to be related.

We went swimming, visited Granite Falls and the shoe tree, went swimming a couple more times, a few went rafting, and a lot of us cracked a whip. You heard me.

A cousin (N) bought a whip on the way to Idaho. He has an 8 foot cheap one at home. This one was real leather, 10 feet long (12 with the two leads tied on it), and beautiful. We were using plastic cups for targets. Even the kids were taking turns. That was pretty cute. They all had to use two hands, because it was so heavy. My kid started insisting we buy a whip. Husband tried it and thought it was fun. Then I gave it a whirl. I am so hooked! As a matter of fact, Cousin N and I have a wager. He thinks we are the most likely people to get a whip. The wager: If I don't ever hurt myself (which he believes is impossible), at the next family reunion, I'll get to snatch a cigarette out of his mouth with the whip. I'm fairly certain I can pull it off (not hurting myself, I mean). I also need to figure out what exactly I was doing differently with it. Everyone's shoulder or forearm hurt after playing with it for a while, but that never happened to me. It's not because I'm stronger or built or anything like that (not even close!!), so it must be technique. He suggests we start with a cheap 8-footer like he did. He said they were about $30. His nice whip that we were all playing with was $100. I'm having withdrawals, can you tell?

On Thursday the 14th, we packed up and went home. Well, home to MN. We arrived around 3am Saturday. We were planning on leaving Sunday night to come back to TN. We gathered all our stuff, got it ready to load (it was too hot to load some of that stuff and let it sit in the van.), and were fully prepared to leave. That is, until I said I didn't want to leave yet. Now usually, Husband will be practical and responsible in situations like this. He would normally give me reasons why leaving that night would be the best idea... Normally. This time he immediately considered it. Then, before any decision is made, his dad says he could come to work with him the next day if we stayed. I had to leave the decision up to him -- he is the one with a job, after all. He decided he would like to stay another night. I think that was best. I was ready to leave by the next night.

We loaded up, headed out, same routine as before: switching off every couple hours. We were beyond Indianapolis before we were both awake and staying awake. We were going to try a new highway on the way home. It was more of a straight shot than the interstate. We were going to get on it in southern Kentucky. I wanted him to drive the new road. He wanted a quick nap, so we switched in Lexington, KY. I would drive until Corbin. It started raining. I HATE driving in the rain. I love being in the rain, I love watching, smelling, hearing the rain. Just hate driving in it. I'm watching the mile markers and the green town signs, counting down to when I can wake him up and get out of the driver's seat. We were about 35 miles away from the switching destination when this guy pulls out in front of me (I'm in the left lane), and then slams on his brakes. I think, "Oh, shit!", and slam on my brakes. Husband wakes up to the G-force and sees us sliding into this moron. If it would have been a dry road, we most likely would have stopped in time. But it was wet, the tires were locked up, and we were sliding. Crash! (which is what my kid woke up to.) Son of a bitch! I pull over to the shoulder (it only now occurs to me, I should have done that in the first place to try and avoid hitting him.). Now I can see why he stepped on his brakes - there is a car sitting sideways in the middle lane. Now after some thought, I don't understand why he slammed on his brakes. We were in the left lane. Couldn't he have just given them a wide berth? I'm freaked, worried, wondering if I broke the van (buckled the hood and pushed the radiator back a little), hoping the people in the other car aren't hurt, wondering what caused the first accident, and trying not to be pissed for getting cut off like that. I mean, fine, you want to be in the left lane? You DO NOT cut in front of someone and slam on your brakes! Sure-fire way to get crashed into. But, since technically, it was a rear-end collision, it is my fault. That's why I was trying not to be pissed. A technicality. How stupid. So moron is all worried about his dented hatch (whatever). He's hoping it will still open and all that rot. Ya know what took the brunt of the crash? His spare tire which is on his hatch. He could have had it completely bent in, window possibly broken, and all that, but he had a spare tire on there. Very lucky for him. I almost felt like saying "How dare you worry about a dent? I don't even know if I'll be able to make it home, you prick! And all because you couldn't wait until I passed and pulled into the lane behind me." But I was trying not to be pissed, and didn't say anything to him. Husband did all the talking. I stayed where I was, calmed the kid down, told her No, she could not get out, and other such things. Also, it was still raining, and I now had a cop to deal with. I had to be polite as possible, because technically it's my fault. Why is that a law? If that first accident wasn't there, and he pulled in front of me, slammed on the brakes for no reason, and I hit him, it would still be my fault. Why?? I'm not sure that is exactly fair. I hate driving in the rain.

Anyhoo, we're home, the dogs were picked up, and they are just fine (I have to walk them soon), the hamster is still alive, the house is still a disaster from just moving into it and never being home to unpack. All in all, everything is just peachy.

I am glad to be home, and I'll be even happier in a little bit when I take a shower. We are going to a drum circle tonight. Yeas, that's right. We get home last night, and we are leaving again tonight. But we have no plans for the weekend, and we both want to keep it that way. Maybe get some unpacking done. We haven't even been home long enough to get the electronic stuff hooked up. It's crazy, man, just crazy.

So, was this long enough? *laugh* Consider it two weeks worth of posts.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled broadcasting...

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An oldie, but a goodie

Two Wolves

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son,
the battle between two 'wolves' is inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow,
regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then
asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old man simply replied: "The one you feed."

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Joke from the email realm

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is
everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one
pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms,
catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real
pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in
pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc...She felt that having only two
breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You
see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her
bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could
I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a
man from a part of you.. Now let's see... Where did I put that useless
boob?"


Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?

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Big Ass Road Trip

There's a family reunion next week (husband's side). But since it is in Idaho, and we have to stop in Minnesota first, we have to leave tonight.

We weren't sure we would be able to find tires to put on the van. We didn't know if we'd have enough cash to get to MN and back (we're riding in a RV out to Idaho). AND we had no idea who was going to watch our dogs.

The cash was the easiest problem to solve. We had enough to get tires and pay for gas to get to MN. Husband's parents were sweet enough to front the rest.

The tires were more hassle than expected. Apparently, we have a very common size tire, and they are really hard to find. We got lucky. We found a place that had them (used, like new) for $21 each -- and that included putting them on!

So, last night, we were trying to figure out our dog options. Most people we know either live in town or have dogs that wouldn't be too happy about it. Well, in case you didn't know, I'm brilliant. I came up with this idea to let our old neighbors watch them. They know the dogs, the dogs know the neighborhood (and the neighborhood dogs), and they are super easy to take care of. Feed them once a day and make sure they have water. No biggie.
One problem with that. We have no idea what their phone number is. We would actually have to drive the hour and a half just to ask (then come back get the dogs, bring them back, etc.), and there is the chance they would say, "No way! Fuck off!". (Well, not really, but they could say no...)

Guess what? They said yes!! So at about 11-ish this morning, we found out we could leave for MN tonight!

Now the scramble begins! We need to pack for almost two weeks in just a few hours, get a nap, run to the store on our way out of town, and try to be to MN by 4pm tomorrow. At 4pm is when husband's dad wants to leave for Idaho. We will probably get out of the van and into the RV. From MN to Idaho (ID?) is a two day trip. In a car, it is 24 hours, if you drive it straight through. An RV moves a bit slower, plus we'll be making a rest stop at some point.

I should be back on the 18th or 19th. Hopefully, I'll find some internet access while I'm gone. If I can, I'll keep you updated.


Cricket - Just so you aren't totally tortured, I put one pic up on my photoblog. It's the bear that was on the float with me -- or actually, I was on the float with the bear... :D

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I'm wiped out, and not done running yet...

I rode the float, watched Gatlinburg's fireworks, and, all in all, had a grand ol' time!
I have pictures and details, but no time right now.

So I decided to leave you with a quote I received in my email:


Some people are like Slinkies. They have no practical use whatsoever, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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Hamster dogs and Parade floats

Yes, you read that correctly. We have hamster dogs.
Perhaps I should explain.

We have two very good outside dogs. Very good. They have never been tied up, and except for 'making their rounds', they stay home. Well, we have moved (duh), and they aren't allowed to wander freely anymore. They have to be tied up -- especially since all the other dogs in the neighborhood are tied up or behind a fence. We really don't want someone to call the pound.

First, we bought collars. Didn't work. The little one can slip out of it easily. Plus he chews through any rope.

So we bought cables. Can't chew through that!

Then we bought harnesses for them. We figured they wouldn't be able to get out of them. Plus, it wouldn't pull on their necks.

Nope.

We tied them up with cables and harnesses last night. First, the little one slipped out of the harness. What the hell?!?! So we tightened it. Then, he pulled so hard he broke the clasp on the cable. We looped it through itself.

We left them outside last night with the harnesses and cables. This morning, they were both laying by the back door. They had both slipped out of their harnesses. I don't get it.

Well, we decided to try choke chains. We figured they couldn't break them, chew through them, and if they pulled too tight, it would cut off their air.

They broke them. Yes, the chains. Snotty dogs.

They refused to be tied up. No matter what we do, they have escaped -- just to lay by the door. We are probably going to have to go to a pet store to get something seriously heavy duty. That's why we call them hamster dogs. Hamsters are supposed to be escape artists. But wouldn't you know it - the hamster we have loves his cage. He never tries to get out. So weird.

Right now, they are confined to the laundry room. You'd think they would prefer being outside. But, nooo....

I have no idea how they are going to handle tonight. We are leaving around 3:30pm and won't return until morning.

We are going to ride on a float in the first 4th of July parade in the country. It begins at 12:01am. The thing is even televised! We will be riding on the Mountain Mall float. There might be a chick in a bear suit (if they find the ice vest). If you are able to watch it, go ahead and see if you can pick us out. I'll be wearing blue and white tye-dyed looking pants and have long ass hair (you already know the color). It's the Gatlinburg parade. I love our friends!! And yes, we have to do the wave.

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#4 through #8

Vincent, I want to thank you for being the most mature friend I have, and allowing me to just be me. You are a rare find.

Kat, you are such an impressive author. It amazes me you are still in your teens!! I wish I had that much talent. I wish you all the luck with your goals.

Binsk, you are an incredible person. Girl, you are always making me laugh!! And yep, I love your pictures (when you have nothing to say). We should really consider living in the same country...

Lalita, I admire your courage for moving on. Also, your creative writing skills are phenomenal! I can feel every single thing you describe. Wow.

God may hate kittens, but we love you! Dude, you are always cracking me up with your gay (*not gay) humor. I think it's sweet of you to pretend to be such a badass when you are really just a big softie. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone....

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Heading towards disaster...

Omg, Cricket, you rock!! It's good to know that if I start feeling like murdering someone, this is why. And here I thought the net prevented murder... Isn't that what a blog is for?

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Neighbor details

I was asked about the neighborhood. Well, I've finally met one of the neighbors.

I stepped outside to have a cigarette. I had the phone with me, because I was calling someone. Duh. (A friend and I had been playing phone tag for a couple days.)
This chick starts walking up to me. I'm hoping she has nothing bad to report cuz she couldn't possibly be coming over to chat -- I mean, I have a phone pressed up to my ear...
Phone friend wasn't home -- which was a good thing since Neighbor chick is now sitting on my front porch. Okay, I know I'm a Damn Yankee and all, but is this normal down here??

Okay, whatever. I should meet my neighbors anyway, right? Especially since my 10 year old is holding her 8 month old baby...

Anyways - She said the most random things. You'll see.

Neighbor: (from here on it will just be N) My husband broke my phone last night.
Me: (what the hell am I supposed to say to that??) ...
(Pause)
Me: (Brain kicked in) Do you need to use the phone? Go ahead. *pointing to it laying next to her*
N: Yes. I had two doctor's appointments today, but I couldn't call them.
N: (Makes a call to the dentist)
N: One of my appointments was to see if I'm pregnant again.
Me: *Look of total surprise* Really? (Yeah, I know - genius response.)
N: Yeah, I missed my birth control shot.
Me: Do you want to have another kid? (For those of you that don't know, this is usually your safest bet for a response. "Congrats!" isn't always appropriate.)
N: I'd like to have a girl. But I asked my husband about it the other night, and he said 'No', so I cried all night. (Case in point)
Me: (wondering why she is telling me this) Well, maybe you aren't pregnant.
N: I think I am. The way the birth control shot works is like a fertility drug. As soon as you miss it, you ovulate.
Me: (Haven't these two ever heard of condoms???) Oh, yeah, you need to find out. *trying really hard to care*

About this time, she picks up the phone to call the doctor. I couldn't figure out why she didn't call him right after she called the dentist, but...

While she's on the phone, I'm talking to my kid, reminding her not to let the dogs lick the baby's face. Gross, I know. Well, so are babies.

After she gets off the phone, I say something lame about the dogs just learning how to be on leashes or something like that. Everything else that was running through my head was offensive. Sue me. Geez.

N: I work at McDonald's.
Me: (What is the proper response to that?) Oh, here in Newport?
N: Yes.
(What a great conversation that was!)

Now at some point during all this, she informed me that one of our neighbors is an asshole. She knows this cuz her husband's sister-in-law's cousin's friend (or some other convoluted string of people) was married to him. Well, I'm convinced.

She finally decides it's time to go -- mostly cuz my kid wants to bring her baby to his house. Fine by me.

As she's walking away, she looks back over her shoulder, "Oh, by the way, my name is S______." I introduce myself, and then begin the procedure of getting my head back on straight.

We were just on two different wavelengths. Was it because she is still young and dumb? Was it because I have never felt the need to get to know my neighbors? Was the baby creeping me out too much? Who can say? Maybe it was just one of those things. I guess I'll find out when we speak again.

But I really want to know why she felt the need to tell me her husband broke her phone, she may be pregnant, her husband doesn't like the idea and she spent a night crying, where she works, and then last, but not least, her name. I can see the name thing, and saying that her phone was broken (she could leave out the fact that her husband did it), maybe stupid stuff about the move... Ya know, 'getting to know you' stuff. Cuz she didn't know me. At all. I just don't understand. If any of you can explain it to me, I'm all ears.

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Click, drag, and drop. Then do it again... and again...

I promise this is SO worth it!!!

Thanks, Cricket!! I need to know where you found this!

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I'll move this to my sidebar eventually...

Go on - I dare you!
Hee hee (Yep, still in a mood)

I found this on Cricket's site.

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Summer of Compliments

I've got updates! (Well, sort of. I met a neighbor, and heard about another neighbor.)

First things first. The Complimenting Commenter has declared this the Summer of Compliments.
I think this is a fantabulous idea! (Yes, I love that non-word word. Say it with feeling!!) I have decided to join in, and do all my compliments from this blog (just for a twist). I figure some days I'll have a few nice things to say, and others ... Well, I won't be feeling very nice. I don't know yet if there will be any real pattern to it or not. We will have to see. I highly recommend doing it. Maybe the last compliment will be to yourself about how damn good you feel!
(I realize having compliments for others on a blog titled People Are Stupid is kind of an oxymoron -no idea if I used that correctly or not- ,but it's what I'm doing. Deal. Besides, I can't help it that people really are stupid. Don't believe me? Have you ever met one??)


To get this party started (I cannot believe I just said that. How very 80's of me.):

I would like to compliment Alli over at 63 Days for her courage - then and now. If you visit, be sure to start from the beginning.

Cyli at Why Not - Right? - I love that you kept your sense of humor through all your trials. (Another one where you should start at the beginning.)

Cricket at (more than just) Boobs and Legs - You are one amazing woman in so many ways - especially since you live in bizarro world! *laugh*

There's my first three. 97 to go!!

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Joke in my email. Laugh, damn you!!!

HOW DID DOGS COME TO BE

Where do pets come from?
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer
to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and
who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even
when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable
you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you
as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my
love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will
call him
DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved
them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like
peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed
taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and
who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their
limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of
adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes,
they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.


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Damn Skippy!

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
-- La Rouchefoucauld

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*Throwing confetti*

Just a quick celebratory note:

My connection speed is twice as fast!!!!!

*doing backflips*

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The details.

Saturday we were able to get the moving truck at 9am. You'd think that would mean we could get out of there at a decent time, wouldn't you?
Nope.
There was no one available to help us out, and as much inner strength I have, it does not translate to muscles! :D Our neighbors (yep, the rednecks) ended up helping us with the heavier stuff, and the last minute packing. Very cool of them.
We arrived at our new house at midnight. We did not want to unload at that point. Luckily, the place we had to drop the truck off wasn't open on Sunday. If it was, we would have had to unload right then, and get the truck back by 9am. That was not gonna happen.
Sunday morning, when we woke up, we were wishing like hell the truck would unload itself. Sadly, it didn't. Our landlord helped us with a couple of the heavy things in the back that would have been impossible for me. Like the huge doghouse, for example. The rest we did ourselves (with the exception of the beast-a-couch). We had such trouble staying motivated, since we were dead on our feet AND hadn't had anything to eat either Saturday or Sunday.
We did refresh ourselves with watermelon at one point (Thanks ~S!). That helped for a little while.
When the truck was finally unloaded (took all freakin' day!), I discovered we had the makings for sandwiches. I promptly declared to the Husband that we were complete idiots. We should have eaten earlier. Oh well. We didn't know.
It was time to take the truck back. I had to follow in the van (so we'd have a way back). I watched Husband try and turn the 26' truck around by our house. It wasn't happening. He was going to have to back down our road, and onto the main road. I offered to go first, so I could sit on the main road, and he wouldn't have to worry about traffic from that direction. He thought it was a good idea, I jumped back in the van, ready to pull out...

Next thing I know, I am laying in the grass, with Husband asking stupid questions like 'How do you feel?' and 'What's the last thing you remember?' Idiot. I was at peace in the grass. It was a nice cool spot to be. I didn't know how I got there, but it felt great! I just wanted him to leave me alone.

A little while later, I realized how strange it all was. I tried to remember how I got there, or what I had been doing right before the whole relaxing in the grass episode. Nothing. Ah, now I started to worry. I scrunched up my brain, but remembered nothing. Then, it occurred to me, I could ask.

"Why am I in the grass?"

It turns out, I had a seizure. That explains the memory loss. As far as timing, it couldn't have been more perfect (sort of). I was in the van, but I hadn't started driving yet. That would have been really really bad. There was no warning, no trigger (as far as I know). Just dumb luck, if you can call it that. The only real side effects that happened were a headache, and me biting my tongue pretty hard. Yesterday, I had a hard time talking around the injured tongue.

If I remember correctly, Husband got a neighbor to follow him to the truck drop-off place. Don't quote me on that, but I can't figure out any other way he would have gotten it back...

Yesterday, I tried unpacking some, organizing, deciding where things would go, etc. This is going to take a while to finish.

I realize this post doesn't flow as well as my posts normally do. Just the facts, Ma'am.
I'll get back to normal very soon. I'm trying to limit my online time -- or at least balance it between unpacking.

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We moved! (Details later)

I'm just dropping a quick line to let all of you know I am still around.

Yep, that's right. I set up the computer first.

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C.O.M.B.A.T.4 CHRIST

C.O.M.B.A.T.4CHRIST
or
The Insane Enter Here

Are you flippin' kidding me????

Plus, you have to sign a waiver. You can't hold the Combat teachers, landowners, or anyone else responsible if you get injured. That means when they teach your children to shoot the evil-doers, and they accidentally get shot AND DIE, you can do exactly squat about it.

Yep, I'm gonna send someone to learn from these freaks.

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Buy your own car already! What are you, 12?

Stupid phone call. Every time.

Does anyone else have someone who calls ONLY when they want a ride? Seriously, the only time we hear from this person is for a ride. That wouldn't be so bad -- IF she offered gas money, IF she didn't try to manipulate us, IF she wasn't such an ungrateful wretch...

She did it again today. She called the husband at work . She never just comes right out and asks right away. First it's a 'hey are you going to such-and-such place?', then a few more minutes of chit chat, before she finally gets around to asking for a ride. Same pattern every time. And she did this long drawn out asking at his work.

And it wasn't even a good reason. The people she (and her boyfriend whom she never mentions for a ride -- we're just supposed to assume) is staying with are going to this shindig tonight. She wanted to know if we were going also, because she would like to get out there earlier than her temporary roommates, and she just wanted to see what her ride options were.

Are you fucking kidding me? We are supposed to go out of our way to pick your sorry ass up, when you already have a ride?

Here's a thought: Get your own car, and you can arrive at any time you'd like.

Inspired by It's Not Rocket Science Peeps!. Check it out, and read the welcome messages.
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Sorry - had to do it.

Normally, I put all the results from my internet quizzes on a separate blog. But I loved the result of this one so much, I just had to post it here.

I found this courtesy of Cyli.

You Are Opium!
You like to have fun and enjoy life. Reeeeeally enjoy life. If it isn't fast, loud, or extreme forget it. You value friendship and are loyal and will not hesiste to go off if someone crosses you.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

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Raven's Rage

Raven-

Where are you? First a hiatus, and now your blog has vanished! I still check whenever I'm online. If you have a new blog, please let me know. Miss your pictures -- you are too funny to hide away.

~J~

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Breathing again

Things are going better.

We have a game plan. We will be packing up one room a night - starting with our bedroom. The Big Move is on Saturday. We won't have internet for a couple days. *pout* More incentive to unpack? We'll see...

We went to a housewarming party last Saturday. Even though I was stressed about being away from packing all day, it turns out I needed it. I have felt fairly relaxed since then. No more urge to get stinkin' drunk.

On another note, what is up with these huge mutant flies???

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Whoa.

You know that thingie that tells you how many people are online right now? Mine has been fluctuating between 27 and 31. That has never happened before. It's unprecedented.

Must be a glitch.

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Techie help required

Why is it my RSS feed (I think that's what it is) isn't working? It never tells me when you guys post!!
Is there a way to fix it?

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Snap, Crackle, Pop! orWhat doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.or Dear Everybody,

I am so sick of everything. I am NOT Elastigirl, people. Guess what? I can blow up too. I can get sick of all the stupid whiney shit. Everybody* just back the fuck off.
Why does everyone think their actions, reactions, overreactions, and (my personal fav) guilt trips aren't going to have any kind of effect on me? Hello!!! I may be fucking cool, but I am still human.
I am at the end of my fucking rope. I just want to pack up, and move. That's it. I don't want to socialize. I'm not in the mood. See, if I socialize, I'm not at home packing. That doesn't make me feel better - It makes me feel worse.
I will still go to the things I have committed to. Other than that, I'm not going anywhere; I'm not calling anyone; and if you whine about it, I'm likely to just blow the fuck up.
I just need to do what needs to be done around here. As soon as I move, I'll feel better. I won't have the stress of the move anymore, right??? I'm moving in a little more than a week. Think y'all can keep it together for that long??

I have my own things going on, and I'm trying to take care of me. But right now, the stress level is so high, -and it's not going down- it feels like my heart is going to explode. If I could drink, I would have been drunk for weeks. As it is, I just have to deal with it all by my sober self.

If I know something you don't, it doesn't mean you're stupid.
If you break the rules, I'm gonna get pissed.
If you whine because I didn't run to you for help, I'm gonna lose it.
If you ask me what's wrong, because you haven't heard from me, I'm gonna blow my top.

Here's the thing: My life does not revolve around you. Period. So quit taking everything so fucking personal! Here's a clue: I have my own stuff - I'm not even thinking about anyone else. I'll get back to being my normal, thoughtful, social self. But if y'all keep bugging the shit out of me during this time, I may not contact you when I am feeling social again. See, if y'all keep pissing me off, that's all I'm gonna remember. I'll remember you weren't a friend to me, but you wanted me to be a friend to you. Sorry. Only two-way relationships need apply.

I wish I could say it was just the outsiders stretching me to my limits, but the insiders are pretending I'm silly putty too. I'm all stretched out. I can't give any more. I'm out of patience, and I'm always boiling under the surface. Don't believe me? Y'all want to take it personally again? Get your facts first. Talk to my family. Then you'll see that they've been dealing with it too. They've been feeling the brunt of all my frustration. I would think, of all people, they would get it. Nope. They have been bugging the fuck out of me. Go ahead, ask (just don't ask me). But only if you want to know the truth. I want a break. I want to be alone. I want everyone to just shut the fuck up. I am not here for your amusement. It's not my job to entertain you. Right now, I need to take care of me. And with the feeling of a stroke/heart attack/Zeus-giving-birth type headache always there, I can't take even a tiny droplet more of stress-causing behavior.

I'm a big girl. I work out my own shit. I don't expect anyone to take care of me, and I sure as hell ain't going to run for help at every little thing. If I feel I can handle it, I will. If it gets to the point where I can't handle it, I'll ask for help. Then and only then. Especially since no one has actually been reassuring, or comforting. Everyone has been ME, ME, ME! It's my fucking turn. (If it was just the kid being selfish, I could understand. She's a kid. Right now, I can't even handle that.)

Why is it no one hears me unless I scream? I have been saying why I haven't been around. Calmly and rationally. And it wasn't fucking good enough. If y'all just shut your selfish insecurities up for awhile, you might remember what I said. Nothing to read into. Black and white. It's exactly what I said - only I was nice and considerate enough not to project my stress onto you. I didn't think you'd actually want to feel it. Apparently, I DO need to project my shit onto you for you to believe IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! GET OUT OF YOUR GODDAM HEADS! Hello! I am straight-forward. If I feel I need to express something to you, I will. If you haven't heard anything bad, there's nothing there. Let your imagination work on something a little more productive.


(Now I know how torture got started. I would love to turn this around, and let them all have a taste of what it's like. Oh, to hear them scream...)

I am so ready to snap.




*Not blogosphere people. Just the people I have to actually see and hear.

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You know he has a website now??

Okay, I know this is old news, but...
Goddammit! How can they find the creepy dude innocent? They must have had some doubts. One of the judgments is that his bedroom is off-limits. Puhhhleeese. Yeah, like that is reassuring.

Okay. 'Nuff said.

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In a mood today. Stickers that tell a story.

After the bite on the neck...







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Hey Binsk!! I found it!

And don't you forget it! 

Anyone else experienced this?

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. (Random quote)

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8-Track, trailer Mobile Home...

Rednecks from my home state. This is unbelievable!! They're not just in the South, people.

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I may have my sanity back. Maybe.

I am feeling better today. Apparently, I just needed to get out of the house w/o the family tagging along. I really wanted to leave here, and go to an apartment that was just mine. I could be alone, and it would be quiet.

I did the next best thing. I went and visited ONE friend. A friend that doesn't shout instead of talking, he doesn't make annoying little noises constantly... It was rather peaceful. The only thing loud last night was something that is supposed to be loud: a band. That's a noise I can deal with.

Then I was playing online, watching Foamy cartoons. Foamy rules!!! All hail Foamy! I had to take advantage of the T1 kickass speed -- especially compared to my dial-up. I would have watched Retarded Animal Babies, if I thought there were any new ones. (I suppose it wouldn't hurt to check...)

So anyway, I roll in about 5am, husband says I look much better, he felt better before going to work -- It's been a good day. Here's hoping for even more improvement!!

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Sanity slipping away...........

A friend of mine described my current condition quite well. He said 'sorry to see that your brain is about to go pop'. How amazingly to the freakin' point.

Summer vacation is here.

Maybe some background info would be helpful.
I need alone time on a daily basis. Not want - need. See, even as a little kid, I would play alone for hours. Not wishing for a kid to play with. Just having a good ol' time by myself. Now, I'm not a loner by any means. Far from it. But in order to keep my sanity, I need time and space to myself. School has been out since May 26th. God help me. All day with the kid, and then husband comes home. I love them. Don't get me wrong. I just want QUIET!!!!

I haven't been feeling social. I just want to be alone. And it's freakin' impossible.

Now add the stress (and excitement) of the move... Argh.


Does anyone know how to get rid of an eye twitch?

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Thought of the day

I cannot, with sound mind and body, worship a God that has temper tantrums and goes on killing sprees.

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Hey I resemble that remark...

Be incomprehensible. If they can't understand, they can't disagree.

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The Monday Test.

You all have to take this test. It's not a stupid, 'what kind of fairy are you?' test.
Trust me, it's worth it.

Link


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Stolen funny

I am so stealing this from Cricket! You must go see it. It is too funny!

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I am so hot. You know you want me.

Yesterday, I'm sitting in this tin can that some people would call a house. It was getting hotter and hotter -- but why? I kept dropping the temp on the AC... Oh. You mean the AC that is blowing WARM air? Oh yeah. That's right. AC broke on me yesterday, and I continued to heat the inside of the house by keeping the 'fan' on.

We were all puddles. We all took cool showers. Outside felt about 30 degrees cooler than in here. And we had to sleep in here. So yucky.
We were able to borrow a fan from the landlord, which my kid was able to use -- since her windows don't open. Unbelievable. Today we have it in the living room, facing out, trying to suck the heat out. It's better in here today than yesterday.

There's only one major problem. Because the windows are open, I am being eaten alive by chiggers. Nice, eh?

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2 great quotes I received in my email

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

-- Theodore Roosevelt

Gerald Brenan said: The things we are best acquainted with are often the
things we lack. This is because we have spent so much time thinking of them.

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Talk Radio

I have discovered BBC Radio -- and I can listen to it!!
Every other time I have tried to listen to internet radio, it sucked. Constant buffering and such. Lots of waiting...

Anyway... "Whose Line is it Anyway?" started out as a radio show, and I was able to hear it today. I'm listening to it as I'm typing this, actually.

I was pointed in the direction of Minnesota Public Radio shows like 'Prairie Home Companion'. (FM radio) Funny stuff!! We (Damn) Yankees do have our own brand of humor, however. If you don't get it, you'll hate it - or so I hear. (There's a challenge for y'all!)

Actually, (I just discovered this) you can listen to the MN show on the BBC Radio Launcher. If you want to take the challenge, it's the Garrison Keillor's Radio Show.

BBC Radio link

Prairie Home Companion link

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Seriously need to get my head checked... I think it needs a tune-up

I had a very busy weekend. We were packing, and we brought a couple loads out to the new house. I walked around figuring out exactly where everything is going to go. We have so much shit, I tells ya. Bedrooms are a bit smaller, but there are three of them. Plus, we won't have to put all the 'extra' furniture in the living room. In fact, I'll be putting one of our bookcases in the kitchen. We will have room in the dining room for people to actually sit around the table (as opposed to only 2 sides exposed for chairs). We really need a computer desk. A small computer desk.
It will be really nice having a sewing room. Granted, it'll be a bit more crowded with both of our machines in there... But I can totally deal with that to have a separate place to sew!
So, I've been there twice. I pretty much have everything placed where it's going to go (in my head), except for one very, very, very important item. Something crucial to my everyday living. As in, if I was on a desert island, I'd want this with me.


My coffee maker.


Are you laughing at me?? *huff*
Seriously though. I was in the kitchen, comparing counters, cupboards, etc. I tried to figure out where it would be the most convenient, but also, the least invasive. Since I cannot figure out which space on the counter to put it, I've been coming up with all kinds of hare-brained ideas. Like in our bathroom. Makes sense -- it's the first place you go when you wake up. Right? Or the living room -- just because it's comfortable in there, and why not do something different?
This is a serious problem, folks...
I can figure out how to arrange all our shit in the smaller bedrooms, but the coffee maker????? My brain is totally misfiring.

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We're moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, that's right folks. We found a place.
It's a 3 bedroom, 2 full bathroom place. And the best part? You can't hook it up to some truck and haul it away! I am flipping out with unbridled joy!

...Until I look at all the packing... But then I remember my house-without-wheels, and I'm all better. Want to join me on my roller coaster?

I have pictures of the place , but I gotta tell you -- it's not my camera that pixelated the pics; 'Hello' did it all by itself. Damn it. Try to ignore all the tiny little boxes that make up the photo. (Wish I knew how to correct that annoying problem) Anyhoo, you'll get to see where I will be living.

The guy next door (read: landlord) looks like an old biker guy. He has been driving a school bus for 18 years -- so Little Diva will just have to walk to the bus, instead of waiting for it. How cool is that! (Now to figure out exactly which school that will be.)

Cable is already hooked up, and paid for, which means we have a good possibility of getting a ... *drum roll, please* cable modem!!! Can you imagine me without dial-up? I get giddy and light-headed with just the idea of it...

We will also be living a lot closer to our friends who were the reason we moved to TN in the first place. Most people think I moved down here to be closer to my parents. Me? I think that is an insane idea! Why would I move closer?? But alas, that part of my life has greatly improved also.

Yep. I love change. I think it's because I/We am/are so stable. A whirlwind could happen around me, but the inner core remains the same. So instead of something scary, it just becomes a new experience (even if the new thing freaks me out, I know who I can turn to). Good thing my family (as in husband and kid) enjoys the ride! For instance, we've all been just itching to move for around 6 months to a year now -- depending on which one of us you ask. According to my husband, we average about a year and a half in one place before moving on. We've been here 2 years. I've needed out of here much longer than either one of them, if I remember correctly.

And I'm rambling. I've been doing that a lot lately...

Woo hoo! New house!!

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Stressed, overwhelmed, but much better.

I know I've disappeared off the face of the planet. Sorry about that. I'm hearing about it in my non-computer life too.
We are moving this summer. That means I need to find a place to move to, box everything up, try and keep my house somewhat clean (yeah, that'll happen), etc., etc., etc.
Needless to say, I've been stressed. Then I got overwhelmed. Funny thing happens to me once I become overwhelmed. I stop. I stop everything. Picture me, in the fetal position (slight exaggeration), looking at everything that needs to be done, making list after list in my head, but unable to accomplish any of it because I'm stopped. However, my stress level would go down if I accomplished something. But I'm stopped. Vicious cycle, no?
This last Monday was the first mostly relaxed day I've had in weeks. It helped a lot that some friends brought over empty boxes (another source for my stress - where am I going to get enough boxes???). Yesterday I found possible houses (actual houses, not trailers, Thank god!). That relieved some stress.
Point is, I've been holed up in my house - except for when I've had to leave, and I haven't even had much of an internet urge. Weird, eh?


That reminds me.... I need to flip the calendar to June.

So, how y'all been??

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A quote I can agree with

"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."

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My Minnesota trip (mostly Drunken Idiot story)

Hey all! I'm not feeling very creative today, so I'll try and give you the quick update.
The flight to Minnesota and back was uneventful. I loved my rental car. Thing had real 'get up and go'! Plus, it was pretty...
The wedding was cute. (I hate weddings.) It took place on a baseball field. The reception was a reception. 'Nuff said.
Actually, my sister-in-law was my 'date' for the reception. She's funny when she's drunk!! We ditched the reception by 9:30pm to go to a bar in my hometown. That was fun. I hung out with my partner-in-crime (at least she was until her second marriage). Plus, I saw some old friends. One introduced me to her new man as the girl that taught her a 'skill' he enjoys so much. I felt obligated to point out a difference in techniques (as reported to me a few years ago). Which only reminded her of the only one that would know the difference. Total loser in my opinion.

Speaking of total losers...
Partner-in-crime looks at me and asks, 'Do you smell that??'. She was referring to some thinks-he's-so-cool dude that has bathed in cologne. Too bad. It was a good scent -- if there hadn't been so much of it! I decided I needed to know what kind of cologne he was wearing. I also knew he would perceive my question as flirting. The fool.
Me: "What are you wearing?"
Drunken Idiot: (thinking he's being funny) "What am I wearing?? Well, a Rolex, a $5000 ring, blah blah about other expensive jewelry, blah blah his clothes..."
Me: "Don't tell me about all this expensive jewelry unless you're willing to give it to me."

15 minutes and much inane banter later, he finally answers the cologne question (with another ego rub)
Drunken Idiot: "I was at Northtown, and this guy opened a new shop. I spent $140 on a bottle this big" (fingers about 2 1/2 inches apart)

...But he didn't know what it was called. Moron.

I have to backtrack a few minutes here. After giving me his oh-so-clever answer about what he was wearing, he asked if I was available. We had been talking about two minutes.
Me: "Wait a minute. You are supposed to say Hi, How are you, What's your name before asking that."
Drunken Idiot repeats everything I just said verbatim, without waiting for any answers, and repeats the availability question.
Me: filing through all possible answers, can't find any I like and say, "That depends."
Drunken Idiot then begins to explain he isn't looking for a one night fling, he REALLY wants to get to know me. Did I mention we've only been talking for about two minutes?? Geez, I know I'm cool, but c'mon!
I proceed to laugh at him, since of course he's looking to get laid -- and he's not very smooth.
This only encourages him to convince me of his intentions. I have to laugh harder, shaking my head the whole time.

There's more. That's right. My interaction with this dumbass did not end there. I get invited back to his table, because he thinks he has the bottle of cologne over there. Since that was my entire reason for talking to him...

Ever been around one of those drunks that are so in love with the sound of their voice that you can't get a word in -- AND they insist you pay attention to them? Aren't they fun?

To alleviate any suspense, the cologne was British Knight or British Man or some dumb thing like that.
Just to make this faster -- Drunken Idiot claimed to have been married, had 4 kids, but left his wife when she got into drugs, went to school and played hockey in Boston, his uncle has a private jet, he comes from a rich family, and he himself is a millionaire. Oh, and he's kicked out of a local bar cuz he pulled a gun on a guy over a $100 dollar pool game. But he doesn't do that anymore. Oh no. Last February was the last time. (Dumbass)

He asked for my phone number professing how beautiful I was as he's picking up strands of my hair. My response? "I live in Tennessee." He then proceeds to tell me he doesn't care, he'll fly down to see me, he really wants to settle down, hair/beautiful thing repeated...
Me: "I don't want to settle down." Why tell dude I'm married? This is so much more fun!
He doesn't believe the TN thing, so I show him my license. That spawned a whole new topic. He noticed my last name, asked if I knew such-and-such (my sister-in-law), and I said I already told him that's who I was there with.
He starts gushing. She was his first girlfriend. Gush, nostalgia, etc... And would I go get her? (She was at a bar across the street -- the one he is banned from)
I stop at my partner-in-crime on my way out to tell her I'll be right back. Drunken Idiot comes up to her, telling her what I'm about to do, which is: go get my cousin! I never told him that. I didn't tell him jackshit about me. Dumbass just jumped to his own conclusions. Partner-in-crime looks at him like he just got off the short bus, and informs him that she's not my cousin, she's my SIL. He yells, "You lied!!"
Me: "No, I never lied to you..."
He is still going off, I walk out. I find SIL and ask her if she knows who I am talking about. She does not remember him at all, but is willing to go back and meet him -- especially once I informed her he was rich, and even if she didn't like him, she should use the shit out of him. Mean of me, you think? Nah. When someone spouts off constantly about how much money they have (confirming that they are totally insecure and believe you'll like them for their money), they deserve to be used. Idiots. Lucky for him, she won't use someone like that.
She meets him, sits with him, and still has no recollection of him. He buys her a beer, and she leaves the table. *laugh* It was probably coincidence that it happened at that exact moment, and she did say thanks for the beer as she was walking away.
There were many other drunks to tell you about, but why? You know them. The Heartbroken -gonna die trying to prove his love- Drunk Guy. The Droopy Eyed Old Man that always wants to dance. The Drunk wanna be-Sexy Slut (but she's not sexy - at all). The Friends of the Drunken Idiot (poor guys). Etc.

Actually, my sister's ex (The Heartbroken Drunk) informed me that Drunken Idiot did not play hockey in Boston, is not a millionaire, is not wearing uber expensive jewelry, does not come from a rich family, his uncle does not own a private jet, etc... And to stay away from him. Whatever. I can handle dumbasses. I am formally trained in dumbass-handling. Never Fear, I am here!

Drunken Idiot did stop me on my way out the door to tell me that the reason he remembers my cousin (nope, he didn't remember I was married) so well is because she was his first love.

The next day we went to Como Park (a zoo), and I took pictures of the cute animals. My SIL came to the conclusion that it's a good thing we live in separate states, or else we would get into a lot of trouble together.

Nah, it's only trouble if you get caught.

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Hello! *waves*

I'm back! I'm trying to get through all my email right now. I so need a laptop that is always available to be online!!!
I've missed all of you, and I'm looking forward to reading all that went down in the blogosphere.

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Sayonara! Adieu! Au revoir!

I am about to leave for my two part trip. First, out to the castle until Wednesday morning. (4am. Being awake that early should be outlawed.) Then off to Minnesota! (Hopefully the weather will clear up by then.)

You may all shed a tear for me. I will be without internet access until May 23rd. Argh! How will I survive? I'll miss all of you so much!!

I love my blogging buddies...

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Another random quote

The Ancient Doctrine of Mind Over Matter: I don't mind... and you don't matter. -- As revealed to reporter G. Rivera by Swami Havabanana

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