Hamster dogs and Parade floats

Yes, you read that correctly. We have hamster dogs.
Perhaps I should explain.

We have two very good outside dogs. Very good. They have never been tied up, and except for 'making their rounds', they stay home. Well, we have moved (duh), and they aren't allowed to wander freely anymore. They have to be tied up -- especially since all the other dogs in the neighborhood are tied up or behind a fence. We really don't want someone to call the pound.

First, we bought collars. Didn't work. The little one can slip out of it easily. Plus he chews through any rope.

So we bought cables. Can't chew through that!

Then we bought harnesses for them. We figured they wouldn't be able to get out of them. Plus, it wouldn't pull on their necks.

Nope.

We tied them up with cables and harnesses last night. First, the little one slipped out of the harness. What the hell?!?! So we tightened it. Then, he pulled so hard he broke the clasp on the cable. We looped it through itself.

We left them outside last night with the harnesses and cables. This morning, they were both laying by the back door. They had both slipped out of their harnesses. I don't get it.

Well, we decided to try choke chains. We figured they couldn't break them, chew through them, and if they pulled too tight, it would cut off their air.

They broke them. Yes, the chains. Snotty dogs.

They refused to be tied up. No matter what we do, they have escaped -- just to lay by the door. We are probably going to have to go to a pet store to get something seriously heavy duty. That's why we call them hamster dogs. Hamsters are supposed to be escape artists. But wouldn't you know it - the hamster we have loves his cage. He never tries to get out. So weird.

Right now, they are confined to the laundry room. You'd think they would prefer being outside. But, nooo....

I have no idea how they are going to handle tonight. We are leaving around 3:30pm and won't return until morning.

We are going to ride on a float in the first 4th of July parade in the country. It begins at 12:01am. The thing is even televised! We will be riding on the Mountain Mall float. There might be a chick in a bear suit (if they find the ice vest). If you are able to watch it, go ahead and see if you can pick us out. I'll be wearing blue and white tye-dyed looking pants and have long ass hair (you already know the color). It's the Gatlinburg parade. I love our friends!! And yes, we have to do the wave.

~Do not expand~