Friday, March 11, 2005

A solution for boring sex

Ever have really boring sex? Or know you are going to?

Want to 'spice it up'?

Or at least entertain yourself during the few minutes it lasts? Something to pass the time besides going into that happy place inside your head?

I have a suggestion. I've tried it. It really helps to get through the waste of naked time. I first tried it when I was still a teen. Well, actually I tried it as a different way of saying no. It didn't work.

My suggestion: Read something.

Yes, I'm serious. Pick a book, a comic book, erotic letters... anything really.


The story of my first time reading (mentioned above):
Quick history. I was tricked into dating this guy. How can you be tricked, you ask? I lived in a small town. All things that cause trouble are possible. He was a total hornball (maybe because no one would date him -- except me, and I was tricked). He was always after me, like hornballs are known to do. I was running out of ways to avoid the nakedness factor.

Him: Want to have sex?
Me: Only if I can keep reading this MAD Magazine. (Thinking he would be mortally offended, male ego shattered...)
Him: Okay.
Me: *speechless*

Well, since I set the conditions, I had to go through with it, right? Dammit...
So, we move to the floor, I remove one leg from my pants. (Can you tell how into it I was?)
I lay down. I held the magazine above my face...
"Why is he still going for it??", I think to myself.
He sticks it in, out, in, falls out... I jump up, and:

Me: Okay, that's it!

And pulled up my pants.
He never went there again. Not from lack of trying, mind you. He was a classic case of 'People are Stupid'.
(Granted, I was a bit stupid too -- But by comparison? *laugh*)

3 comments:

~J~ said...

Yeah, that is one of my favorite 'stupid' stories. And yes, I did underestimate him. Needless to say, I never tried that way of sying 'no' again! :D

Naughti Biscotti said...

What can I say???? That was truly the best sex advise I have read. You might try this if you find yourself in the act before you realize that you never actually wanted to have sex with this person in the first place...I screamed out "Aiyyyeeee papi!!!" He immediately shrank and fell out freeing me to escape. Works every time.

~J~ said...

*laugh* Shandi, that's great! I've never tried being too loud before...