Random Quote

sushi, n.: When that-which-may-still-be-alive is put on top of rice and strapped on with electrical tape.

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Things that caught my attention today

A bull elephant has this gland between his eye and ear that secretes this foul smelling stuff. When that happens, an influx of testosterone happens, and they go a little crazy. This is the time when they would kill humans. They aren't really thinking straight.

Three times more human males die between adolescence and early adulthood than females.

I guess testosterone can really mess you up, eh? *laughing off into the sunset*

In other news, the venom from a scorpion actually searches out cancer cells. They haven't figured out how to use it yet. At least it's a start. Just imagine: scorpion farms could be our future.

African bees have killed 1500 people.

Snakes can choose whether to use their venom or not.

Could someone please tell me why anyone would swim in croc infested waters???

Female mosquitoes kill over 2 million people every year.


Yep, Animal Planet is on. "The Most Extreme" is the coolest show.

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For girls only. You've been warned.

Every month, I get into a contest with the timing of my body. What can I say? I'm a gamblin' woman.

I have my shower schedule. Everyone has one: every night, every morning, every other day, etc. I'm an every other day-er.

I like to shower after I start bleeding. I try and time it perfectly.

But I swear, every time IT waits me out. Just about every time, I start bleeding after I give in and shower.

This time was no different. I showered at 4:30 this morning. I went to bed, and guess what? Yep. Today is when it decides to show up. Bastard!

I really thought I was going to win this time. My god, I was on the couch for days being sick. I didn't even get up to clear off my bed so I could lay in it. Nope, days of being too weak to do much of anything but be a blob. I should have won.

I swear IT does this on purpose.

That is all.




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Been offline for awhile...

We had a great Yule. We partied and paid respect to that light that burns within all of us on Tuesday night, and Wednesday was present/stocking day!!! Our gifts went over really well. Thank god! I was panicked about the whole thing since they were handmade. It was our first year of making all our gifts - Well, not the stocking stuffers. Those we bought.

They were both really warm fuzzy feel good days.

Then I got sick. *laugh* On Thursday, to be precise. I've spent Wed thru last night on the couch. Mostly cuz I was too weak to clear off my bed, which is where I dropped everything Wed night.

Last night I felt better. I knew I wasn't all the way there yet, but I was close.

We also decided to do a "just the three of us" celebration. Five, if you count the dogs. The main reason we did a different day was because we hadn't bought Little Diva all her gifts yet. This gave us more time. *grin*

We went shopping (grocery and Xmas) Friday night. I rested all day knowing I would be in a very busy store later on. The shopping went off without a hitch. We opened gifts yesterday.

We bought ourselves cell phones!!! So behind the times, I know. We got the Go phone. So far, I like it. It doesn't cost anything to call each other - or any other Cingular user for that matter. Also, we were worried it wouldn't pick up the signal where we live, or that it would sound horrible. Neither of these things happened. Yay!!

We bought a couple games for the family. We are going to start a Family Game Night. I can't wait to teach Little Diva Risk!!

I have finally felt well enough to get online tonight. I had withdrawals, people!!!!!

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They've returned!!!!!!

We had friends that left last Sep/Oct to go help out the hurricane victims, and not just Katrina.

While they were there, they bought an RV so they could travel from place to place.

I am so proud of them. I could tell that it about broke his heart seeing the areas devastated like that.

I've had a couple bloggy friends go down, and come back with stories that made me cry. When he was telling me about the destruction, he was just so ... quiet about it. I was there to celebrate the Solstice, but I began to feel depressed. It was like he had just returned from war. He could talk about it, describe it, etc., but no one would really ever understand him. It just kills me when I cannot understand him.

But, anyway, they are back, and I was soooooooo happy to see them! I walked in the door, arms full, and hugged him anyway. I just had to. A part of me was missing while he was away.

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Less than three months

I've returned from my mother's house. She has hospice (is on hospice?), which basically means no doctors, just making her comfortable until she dies.

I also found out what the nurse's prediction on how much time she has left was. One month, sure. Two months, maybe. Three months, no way.

That little bit of news hit me like a ton of bricks. It probably shouldn't have, but it was the first time I heard a time period.

I couldn't sleep last night, and I ended up writing her a letter just so I wouldn't forget anything I wanted to say. A letter that I couldn't go back and read without crying. Well, couldn't go back and read, period. A letter I couldn't even hand to her cuz I would have broken down right then and there. So I put it by her bed (when she wasn't in it), and told her I left it for her.

During my 'can't sleep' night, I was trying to figure out how to get through the grieving process as quickly as possible. Not surprisingly, I didn't come up with many ideas. I was unprepared for how much it would hurt. It's not like it was sudden or even a surprise.
Then again, it kinda was. I truly believed even a brain tumor couldn't kill her. She's made of tough stuff. Delusional on my part, eh?

Last night I also realized I am going to have moments of crazy irrational behavior. Probably when I am trying to get over different humps in the grieving process.

My brother is not believing the time period. He firmly believes in the power of positive thinking. Imagine that. My Xtian brother telling his pagan sister about the power of thought! (He doesn't know I'm pagan. Think that might have something to do with it?) At this point, I think he is in denial. My sister (you may remember a letter to her a few posts back) is the alarmist in the family, my brother keeps everything inside, and I examine something from all sides while keeping a cool head. I like to think my brother and sister were just parental projects before I came along...
Anyway, my point is, if I believe it now, that means it is very likely to be true. With the knowledge that no one is able to predict with 100% accuracy how long someone has left to live, that is. The nurse could be wrong.

My mom said she is not afraid of dying. She has her God, and that is all she needs. I am happy that she has such strong faith, even at the end. It must be comforting.

I realize this is a sucky post to read. No one likes to hear about this stuff.

I also realize you guys care about me, and are there for me. Please don't feel the need to comment just because you think I'll need it.

However, if anyone knows how to 1: get through this asap; and/or 2: how to help my kid get through this without scarring her for life. I want her to be able to go through it naturally, without feeling like she has to hold back because of me, or feel like she has to take care of me. I go into a panic whenever I try to plan for this. I panic cuz I have NO IDEA what to do.

Most of the time, I'm okay. I'm not crying constantly, and I am still enjoying life. I just want y'all to know I'm not fragile, and yes, you can still talk about your lives. I'm still interested. I can still laugh.

So far, so good.


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Very quick update

I just talked to my brother, who has been at my mom's for the past week.
Good news!

I guess my mom was depressed, but now she's decided she wants to live. *laugh* That is so like her!!

This doesn't change anything medically, but it does change her quality of life.

They've reduced her pain meds, she's been sitting up, talking, playing cards... She had to be forced to go to bed the other night. She wanted to play one more hand.

Anyway, I'm off to go see her. We'll return tomorrow night.

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Can you tell how much he means to me?

Some people really suck, ya know?

A friend of mine posted bail awhile back for a couple of losers - that were friends at the time. A stupid chick and her child-boyfriend. Letting them know, of course, this money was taken out of his budget and wasn't extra that he just had lying around.

To my knowledge, they still have not paid him back for it.

To add insult to injury, they did not show up for their court date. DID NOT.

Now he has to pay the money or go to jail. We are not talking about an ordinary person, folks. He is welcoming and generous and way more kind than I could ever pretend to be - while still being real. I have never seen anyone so accommodating - with the exceptions of the codependents. This is different. This is genuine.

And they skip town and fuck HIM over?!?!? This is unreal. Just recently, they were at his place hanging out.

All they had to do was show up.

The good thing to come from all this is they are finally on everyone's shit list. Before it was, "I don't like them." or "I know they are part of all this, but I don't want to hang with them." Now it's, "They did what?? To him?? Fuck 'em." The people I talked to are in agreement that if they do see them, they will bite the bullet, be nice, entertain them -one even said she would take them out for a meal, her treat- until the bail bondsman or cops can be called to pick their sorry asses up.

A few posts ago, I talked about acceptance and tolerance. Well, here's me, accepting their choice, and making one of my own. Even striving to be accepting and tolerant, there are still lines that get crossed. And my lines are drawn deep in the sand. I know my boundaries. That stupid bitch and her boytoy fucked over one of my friends in a bad way. I have made the choice I know longer have to be civil to her (at least after her ass is in jail).

I won't make this choice for all of my friends. But this one is special. I love him very much.

Just so y'all know, I don't need any comforting or anything like that. I am very comfortable and happy in my decision. :D

Ya know, stupid bitch and boytoy were just digging themselves a bigger hole all the time with so many people. Most of them were almost at the breaking point anyway. I guarantee this put all of them over the edge.

Some will say that it isn't really the boytoy's fault cuz he might be a little slow. You know what I say? That's bullshit. Dude isn't in a coma or brain dead or even paralyzed. He can remember a court date, AND find a way there, even if she didn't want to. (Besides, I think his slowness is all a big lie. I would go more for the term: horribly immature.)

(FYI: She considers herself a dominatrix. That is why, to show extreme disrespect to her, I have made any reference to her tiny. Most capitalize their pronouns. It's how you can tell a sub and Dom apart in a chat room.)

I'm cursed.

So here's a fun little fact about me: I always have to take the 'other side'. It's part of me always trying to keep the balance. This especially happens when A: I don't know the person being spoken of, or B: I just don't know all the circumstances.
See, there is a lot of room for interpretation, and there are always two sides to every story. If a person is not there to defend themselves, I'll do it for them.

Even when I don't give a rat's ass about the situation in question. How stupid is that?
For instance, (and yes, this has happened) some chick I don't even know will approach me and start telling me all her woes. (This works best when the person is drunk.) Usually it is a whole list of shit that makes me want to pop my eyeballs like a pimple. I can fake attention, nod in all the right places, think about stabbing myself in the neck and have my blood spurt all over her... You get the idea. But the second, the second, she starts talking about a relationship problem (friend, lover, boss -- doesn't matter), I can't keep my mouth shut. I am right there saying, "Could he possibly been thinking this?" or "Maybe she misunderstood what you meant." And everything I am saying is true. All of these things are possibilities that could have happened.

Of course, the person just wanted someone to listen, nod, and feel sympathetic. I threw that role right out the window. They always insist on how their perceptions were the correct ones. How would they know, I ask you?

I have heard people complaining about drivers coming up on them too fast or driving erratically. My response? "Maybe they are rushing someone to the hospital. We'll never know."

It's a fucking curse, people. A goddamn curse. And I hate it when it causes tension in my friendships.

I know I should be supportive. But blindly believing? Accepting something as true without proof? That's just not me. And truth be told, my friends would not love me as much as they do if I just went along with everything.

The one good thing it does do is allow for the unknown, and that lets me look at people and circumstances differently. "Yep, he's acting like a righteous asshole, but why? Maybe he has a reason."

It keeps my emotional reactions in check. I am not one to fly off the handle at any little thing. Of course, that means when I get pissed, I feel I have every reason to be, and get outta my fuckin' way! The problem is, I may have misunderstood something, didn't hear something quite right, etc. In short, there is the possibility that I'm wrong. (Mark your calendars, ladies and gentlemen. I actually said that, and no gun was pointed at my head.)

All in all, I am appreciative of this fucking goddamn curse. I just hate it when it fucks with my friendships.

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Any Sherlocks out there?

Can someone please tell me why it is so common to capitalize the "O" along with they "Y" in the words you, your, you're, etc.?
Seriously, has anyone else noticed this? I noticed I do this, but ONLY with this letter combination. I've seen the same typo all over the 'net.

Solve this mystery for me, please.

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Round Two

Sober Santa 2

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Universal truth: It takes three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I think it is sad there are so many misconceptions abouts pagans. I recently read a blog post (and no, I'm not going to link it), and the chick was so pissed off at pagans in general. The things she said were inaccurate, at best. Granted, I know she has some history that she is basing this rant on, but her history was such a tiny part of the overall pagan community.

My greatest wish is that people know pagans are about tolerance and acceptance of other people's life styles. We don't have to agree with them. We don't even have to like their choices. But we accept their choices as theirs.

You know what? I'd like to change my greatest wish. I wish everyone would become more accepting and tolerant of others. Stop the road rage, the hate crimes, the fear of change, the fear of homosexuals, etc... Just stop, people.

Just remember: If you are narrow-minded, you miss the big picture.

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I feel like Janet in Rocky Horror - after spending the night at Frankie's

Wow.

Wow.

I went to a fantabulous party last Saturday. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Let's just say I got in touch with my inner demon, and let her come out and play for a bit.
I'm still feeling afterglow from that night.

Wow.

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A battle of wills

I had been thinking about something for quite awhile. I thought it was going to be one of those delicious thoughts I kept all to myself.

Well, I surprised myself by sharing it.

And now, instead of a delicious thought to daydream about, it is going to happen. Oh god. In my daydreams, I was confident and successful. I hadn't lost my touch, you might say.

This here is the danger of making fantasies into reality. You find out if it is as good as you imagined. The anxiety begins, but the confidence is still there. Strange, eh?

The only thing I haven't figured out in my daydreams (cuz I didn't need to) was what would happen if I was successful. Would things remain the same? Would there be resentment? I think that is where most of my anxiety is coming from.
But maybe we would laugh it off, being on equal footing and all.

Here's the thing: I know I will be successful. I think the other person does too. I think my partner-in-crime is just going to pretend to let me try, when all along he has already succumbed.

(HA!)

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Funny quote that is SO true

This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.


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So worth it.

Literotica.

That's all I'm going to say.

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Same ol', same ol'

Upward and onward with the update:

I am actually feeling okay about the Mom situation. My kid is having a horrible time with it though.

I am starting to get a little motivated. Just a tiny bit. Wouldn't want to overwhelm my finer sensibilities. Oh no. Just get a tiny bit done each day, slowly move forward... I'm hoping to trick myself into building motivation up to a high speed. I'll let you know how it all works out.

I'm going to a great annual party on Saturday, but I don't have ANY IDEA what to wear. I want to be festive, sexy, and warm. Usually in the winter something has to be compromised: sexiness or warmth. I can either be shivering and nipping out or have layers and look about 100 pounds heavier. Quite the conundrum.

Homeschooling is also picking up speed little by little. The huge benefit of it is that her behavior is improving. We will have 'moments' instead of 'days'.

Yule is fast approaching, and the stress level is rising too. Not too bad though. We don't have any idea what to get Little Diva for her Big Gift. I had an idea, but I wasn't able to find it - yet. Her cousin has this great video game. Star Wars video game. Anyway, you actually hold a light saber (don't kill me if I've spelled that wrong), and wave it in front of an eye. I guess the first time he played, he was dripping with sweat. I can handle a video game that also gives you a workout!! Little Diva loved this game, and we thought we would get it for her -- but I haven't found it yet. If anyone knows where I can find it...

I am on MySpace, and I have to say the first time someone sent me a friend request (okay, first couple of times), it weirded me out. I don't mean the people I already know. They were the reason I signed up in the first place. I mean the unknowns. I get a friend request, and my first thought is, "Do I know you? Why do you want to be friends with me?". Then I remember some people sign up to meet new people. I take a breather, go check out their profile, and if they aren't heinous, I'll accept their request. To be totally honest though, I feel like such a poser. Ya know, the people that just try and get their numbers of friends as high as possible. It's not bad really. I only have four that I don't know in some way (and one of them is a band). I do have a fellow blogger as a friend. I thought that was pretty cool. Twisted dude, though. So, of course I like him.
Now that I think about it, I have three bloggy friends on there. Two of them I just counted as straight up friends though. Love you guys!!

I still feel like I don't have time for anything, but I have been clearing out my schedule. There is a friend of mine that I haven't seen in months, and I really miss him. It would take getting the time and motivation to get out of here and drive for an hour. (And ever since my license has been suspended, I try to drive as little as possible.) Which sucks. I really want to go hang out with one of the only friends I have that just lets me be me - no matter what. I went into huge hermit mode last year, and he never even questioned why I wasn't in contact with him. He didn't wonder if he had done something wrong, or anything like that. He just figured it was something I was going through. Friends like that are RARE. Thanks, dollface. You're one in a million. And I'll stop before your confidence level rises anymore than it has... :D

And that's all there is from this peanut gallery.

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A letter to my sister

Dear sis,

Who the fuck do you think you are?
I cannot even believe you think you have some right to act indignant towards me that I didn't come to you, call you ahead of time, set something up, etc.
And how dare you try and guilt trip me using my niece!
You said you have been down here in TN for almost every one of Mom's scans (what are they - every three months?), and have you EVER called or visited or reached out of that selfish bubble you live in? NO, you have not.
And the one time I go to MN, you have the audacity to go off on me for not seeing you. Guess what bitch - I was actually busy, AND (lo and behold, something you NEVER do) I actually called you. I know "busy" is your favorite excuse. You use it often enough. Like the most recent time - this week. You said you would call me to tell me when you were coming down to see Mom. You claimed you were unable to during the 18 hour drive down here (or before you left). You have a CELL PHONE!!!!
You also said you haven't talked to our brother in about two years. Bitch. And then said, "Well, why didn't he call me?". I cannot believe you acted surprised when I just guessed he was feeling some tension there.
You are not Holier Than Thou. Your shit does stink. And, most importantly, you are not the perfect daughter. Get down off your fucking high horse. I think that high atmosphere is messing with your brain.

I would love to say all this to you, but being the drama junkie you are, you would just cry, and pathetically ask me why I was being so mean. There will come a time when I won't hold back.
I cannot believe I have to be the big sister in all this. You are TEN years my senior. I think it is time you grew up, and learned the meaning of accountability.

Irritated as hell,
Your sister

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Deal with it

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

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Oh no!

Black Friday??? Oh shit.

Blogshares had a crash. My cash is seriously depleted. My shares are still fine. It was the Idea market that crashed.

I went from having $105 million plus to $8 thousand something.

Time to re-build.

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Yay!

We had someone walk our dogs while we were gone. I was worried they were going to take off and pull him over. Nope! Turns out, they were very well-behaved. They didn't pull, tug, or run. In fact, he wishes his dogs were like that!! Whoa! So, of course, I gushed all over my dogs and told them how proud I was.

Also, dog-walker has a pecan tree. He showed up here with a bag full of fresh pecans -- still in the shell!! Pecans are one of my favorite nuts. I am absolutely thrilled! (Now I need a nutcracker...)

I am dreaming of roasting the pecans and putting them on vanilla ice cream...

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Thank You!!!

First of all, I want to thank all the well-wishers. It is very much appreciated.

And thank you to Cricket for sending them my way. You are so sweet!

And now for the update: None of us know how long she is going to hold on. She might hold on for quite awhile, but we -in our non-medical opinions- don't believe she has very long.

Her doctor has agreed to prescribe anything to make her comfortable. I think that statement says more than any other.

At the moment, if she is laying down, she is pretty comfortable. It's when she needs to be moved that she feels pain. Plus, -and this must be where I learned it- she isn't showing she's in pain, and she's not saying when she feels pain either. You have to watch closely for it.

I also found out more info on brain scans. I always believed they were able to scan the whole brain. Nope. I guess stuff doesn't show up on the scan until it has reached the surface of the brain. Basically, that means we don't know how deep this goes.

There is no treatment, or any way of slowing it down.

The most difficult thing was her having trouble talking. I think a person can put up with just about anything, as long as they are still able to communicate. And I guess she is able to get the really important things out. I can see how frustrated she is though.

During that last post, I was in freak out mode. The shock has worn off. I think I just expected her to be around longer than this. I have come to terms with it. My daughter is not handling it very well though. This was the grandma that took care of her the most. I'm not really sure how to guide her through her feelings. I think she is keeping them inside too much. She needs to express them in one way or another.

We are going to visit as much as possible. It's time.

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And so it begins...

My sister called today to give me an update about my mom. It's not good.

She has radiation narcolepsy (no idea if that is spelled right). The first time it showed up was last December. Just a tiny spot on her brain that none of us worried about.

Three months ago, at her last scan, it was something wavy. They weren't even sure what it was. The most recent scan was more alarming. It is a solid white line going through her brain from her forehead to her tumor in her brain stem. It is killing cells as it grows. It is now in her pain center. That means she is in pain all the time. The doctor prescribed a couple pain pills, and says he'll up the dosage (or try different ones?) if these don't work. Mom says they aren't working, but who can tell?

This will continue to grow, killing cells all along it's path. It will affect her memory cells at some point. She is going to forget all of us before she dies her slow painful death.

My step-sister is with her now. My mom is unable to really get around by herself, and is falling down a lot. She just had another seizure, but it wasn't one of her worst.
She's unable to make it to the bathroom, so she has to wear pads. I'm sure she is hating that!

We are heading out there today. Probably going to spend the night. We need to see her while she still knows who we are.

There's nothing the doctors can do to stop this.

She survives a brain tumor to be killed be something caused by the radiation that was supposed to help her.

This sucks.

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Boredom is EVIL

I took the Extreme Sex Test.
The average is percentage is 33.6100720443%. (Or 34% to make it simple.)

Know what I got? "You scored a 77.22%."

Like I said: Boredom is evil. Why else would I have tried all those things???

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I was triple dog dared

... to write a short story by Cricket. Crazy girl.

~So here it is~
(Click on the "Want more?" if you are interested in my first-go-round.)

The Day of Reckoning

Some history first.
I was looking for love. The kind that would last a lifetime. What a joke, eh? Anyway, One sad and desperate time fell on another sad and desperate time, and I felt.. well, sad and desperate.
That's when He came along. My savior. Or so I thought.

He was so charming. He said all the words I had been longing to hear my entire life. He was affectionate without being too clingy. He was sexual without being pushy about it.

And then it happened. He asked The Big Question. I, of course, said yes. He was the man of my dreams - almost. He did already have kids of his own, but I had spent time with them and loved them like they were mine.

The kids ended up being a perfect addition since I was unable to conceive. Just another way I failed Him.

But I should stop using the capital H now. After we said our vows, everything changed. He showed his true colors. I was no more than a slave to him, and a horrible slave at that to hear him tell it.
Gone were his charming ways and affection. He was still sexual, but selfishly so. He made it very clear my pleasure was the least of his concerns. He was also very clear about my past: I didn't have one before him.

The children grew up, and had lovely children of their own. Our grandchildren loved to come visit us and explore the old house.

And that brings us to The Day of Reckoning.

You see, I did have a past. A very colorful past, and I kept a record of it. Every little detail of my 'indiscretions' was written down. I had saved these journals. I had kept them in the same box marked "Baby Clothes" all these years. Well, I had to mark it with something he wouldn't be interested in, right? Also, I made such a fuss about keeping them -just in case- that he allowed me to hang on to it. Stupid, stupid man.

When our grandchildren were teenagers, they still loved to explore the house. They found the box marked "Baby Clothes". They knew they might have kids one day, and wanted to see if it was anything they would want later. It was. They found my journals. Now included in all those journals were the years of my marriage. The grandchildren could read for themselves what a mean hearted man their grandfather was.

They decided on a plan. They wanted gool ol' grandpa to finally know those things he had denied me all these years. They were going to make him listen to what I had done, pre-Him.
But these are clever children! They were going to tell all without revealing it was me they were talking about - until the very end. Then whether he liked it or not, he would know all I had done.

After many hours of spilling the beans on my exploits, and revealing that it was really me, he was stunned.
Not because of what I had done (even though there were some shocking moments).
Not because he had been married to that type of woman (although I'm sure he wouldn't have gone through with it had he known back then).

But because he finally realized my biggest secret. I had allowed him to treat me this way. He never had any real control over me. I was still the vivacious independent woman he had just heard about.

And now he knew I still had some exploits during our dull marriage. After all, a woman has needs...

Question

A blog is to be used for all those extra thoughts we have. Or sometimes it is just a place to vent until we can think straight again. Sometimes it is used to feel less lonely, and sometimes to relish the thought of being alone. Blogs are used to keep friends updated on your life, or to have a private part your friends know nothing about.

A blog is a friend to turn to when you need to just talk. And the blog always listens. Never judgmental, never hurtful. A blog is always what you need it to be. Always.

Well, maybe not always. Not the blog's fault however.

If we turn to our blogs in times of need - even if the need is just to vent, what do we do if we need to empty our thoughts about a reader of the blog? If someone does not know about your blog, it gives you every freedom in the world to post about it. Because it is anonymous. But if the person reading it knows it is about them, anonymity is gone. You then must be tactful and polite, instead of sarcastic and crass. Well, for me anyway.

When one of these situations comes up, what is a blogger to do? When we have all this stuff inside that would normally go on the blog, where do we put it?

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More Randomness

Okay. Three nights in a row of "Christmas", but something still isn't right.

I haven't walked the dogs alone since the fall. I wanted to heal first. Plus, I keep finding holes in the ground that weren't there before. I don't want to walk them and fall again. So, yep, I still feel like I need to get my gracefulness back. This really sucks. It's like having a very mild ear infection or something. Balance is all wonky. Actually, not so much balance. It seems to be centered on my legs.

If anyone has any ideas on how to teach reading comprehension, I'm all ears. Or eyes, in this case.

I think I need an escape. Just for a short time. I woke up crabby, and I haven't managed to shake it.
Maybe not so much an escape, but a big distraction... That should do the trick!

I joined MySpace recently. Mostly cuz a lot of people I hang with are on there. It's turning out to be fun! Better than other 'friend' sites I've signed up with.


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You know you want to

FSM Game

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Randomness. I was told it is a word.

I need more movies, and more of a desire to watch them.

Is it possible to give yourself ADD by channel surfing too much? I think my short attention span is getting shorter...

I wasn't that hungry for supper tonight. I hope I don't get hungry later.

I feel an urge to write erotica, but I don't have any new ideas. I do have lots of old ones...

I'm feeling restless.

Someone gave us the first Tomb Raider game, and it sure was fun - until the scratches in it prevented me from getting to the next level. Damn it.

Homeschooling is fine. We are just getting organized.

Salt and pepper are the two best basic seasonings. There are other good ones, but of the basic group salt and pepper are King and Queen.

Someone should develop a Spice and Seasonings chess set. I would play with that.

My pregnant friend is feeling sick - and it isn't just morning sickness. Her salt level is low (among other things). The way she eats her salt level should be through the roof!

I need to make an appointment in Atlanta.

I hate the cold. No, I mean really hate it. It'll be spring soon, right?

I want one of those bowls Dumbledore has to store thoughts and memories. What a fantastic idea!

I guess this could be a Blog Bowl.

Sounds like a sport.

I'm not a big fan of sports.

Now sword fighting? Jousting? Those are sports I can really sink my teeth into.

Sink teeth? Yuck.

Hmmmm.... biting.


And now we're back to sex.

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PG-13 (I think)

So here's something.
I have an unusual sex drive. Unusual like I could take it or leave it. I can seriously go several weeks without noticing that it has been lacking from my life.
My husband is more on the normal side. We have found ways around my lack of desire.

Here's the thing: I want to want to. I know if I just get out of my head, and get naked, I'll enjoy myself.

That, my friends, is the key. Getting me out of my head. I spend a lot of time there. I would invite you in, but well... what if you get stuck too? And I do have my reputation to think about.

But I digress.

This week has been different. This has been one of those odd weeks where I have wanted it -even in my head-, and made it known. These kind of times are like say, Christmas. Doesn't happen very often, but woo hoo! when it does!

This has also been one of those unfortunate weeks, where I have wanted it, and it hasn't been able to happen.

This means my frustration level has gone up, up, up... Which is great. I love it when this happens.

One problem. There is a delicate balance. My frustration doesn't continue to go up forever. And if I am frustrated for too long, it just seeps away. Back to no interest mode.

Luckily, I have a 'date' for tonight. I'm just hoping my frustration lasts until then.

I think there is a really good chance.


So, was this TMI?

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Trying something new

What do you think? Try refreshing it.

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Just not my day.

We have dogs.
Dogs like to chase cats (among other wildlife). This is all well and good when they are on their own.
But leashed dogs wanting to run? Not such a good idea. At least it wasn't for me yesterday.
Yesterday I was holding both leashes in one hand, like I always do in the afternoon. We went out to the hayfield; they had a good time, and it was time to go back in. By this time, I am already thankful they didn't find something to chase in the field. I am no dog - I can't keep up with them running, or compete with all their doggie muscles.
We come around the corner -a few feet from the door- and they saw the damn cat. As I've already mentioned, they are dogs. Dogs chase cats (among other wildlife). This was no exception.
Damn dogs.
We were on our driveway which is made of that blue pebbly pavement stuff - can't call it pavement, but it is too solid to be called gravel... Anyway, blue rocks. I dig in my heels to hang on with all my might.
They pulled, I got overbalanced, and for the first time in my life I slid into home plate. At the very least, that's what I looked like. Face in the dirt and everything. I'm not too fond of dirt-eating. Or pain.
I held onto the dogs through the entire ordeal!

And all this happened right in front of my landlord. Good god. To be hurt and pissed off AND humiliated??

It just wasn't my day.

I proved that later on. I'm outside, I'm walking, and them I'm on the ground. I tripped! Now I know all of you out in the blogosphere would have no idea how odd that is for me. I never realized how odd it is for me until awhile back when I stumbled a little. Not tripped, didn't fall, just stumbled a little. The husband went on about it, and how weird it was for him to see that, and he wasn't sure if he has ever seen that before (in 12 years), etc...

So, yesterday, I get pulled over and dragged, and later, I trip and fall on my new injuries all in one day.

It just wasn't my day.

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Gross.

I guess the cat has decided to fully adopt us. It brought us a mouse.

Yuck.

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Hmmm...

"We create that bad among ourselves. We create it; then we try to call it devil, Satan, or evil. But man creates it. There is no devil. Man creates the devil."
--Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

"Our religion seems foolish to you, but so does yours to me. The Baptists and Methodists and Presbyterians and the Catholics all have a different God. Why cannot we have one of our own?"
--Sitting Bull, HUNKPAPA LAKOTA

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Hey everyone!!

Last Tuesday was Little Diva's last day of school, and boy howdy! am I stress-free!!

It turns out when I don't have to exhaust myself worrying about homework, I feel better.
I've actually done some organizing around here. We are talking motivation, folks. Do you have any idea how odd that is? I organized and cleaned without the threat of company coming over. Whoa.

For any of you old-timers still reading this blog, you'll know how our place attracted strays. If someone dumped an animal off, they would always try to live at our house. Turns out our animal magnetism is still there. But in a different way. A cat showed up last night. It was so affectionate! It was the kind of cat that crawled up you, and sat on your shoulders, purring the entire time. It looked healthy and well-fed, so someone must have owned it. We're hoping it's not another drop off... But if it is, we'll probably have an outdoor cat of our very own. This is actually a cat I could like. Cats have to have strange personalities or some endearing quality for me to like them. I am a dog person. But not all dogs...

I guess an animal either has to entertain me, or make me fall in love with them. I'm such a callous bitch, I know. And I'm okay with it.

Today was kind of a 'me' day. Little Diva went to work with the husband, and I slept all freakin' day. I didn't mean to. In fact, I asked him to call and wake me up (alarms don't work). He did, we talked, I hung up, and went back to sleep.

I think I have more converts for FSMism. Although, one friend did have another intelligent design theory. He said, "In the beginning, there was nothing, ...and a head of cabbage." There's more to the story, but I'll get it wrong. It involves an onion though.

Okay - I'm off to shower, and head out for an Alcohol and Movie night.



Cyli - If you read this, keep in contact, okay?

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Needed to purge...

Whew! I have a second to write a few things down.

We have been deciding whether to homeschool Little Diva or not. Here's the thing: I really really really need my alone time. Usually I get that when she goes to school (summers are kinda hard on me). I'll have to give that up.
Since it is absolutely killing me to send her back to the Psycho Bitch of the Highest Degree her teacher everyday, I am willing to make that sacrifice!!

We found out today everything we'll have to do to get her pulled out of her current hell school.
We need to enroll her in an umbrella school for the remainder of the year. After she finishes that, we can homeschool her here w/o any umbrellas. We think we may have found one. It is Christian though. *sigh* We don't actually have to meet face-to-face, so that's good. We also get to pick our books, curriculum, and how we teach things to her.

Anyway.

Sorry. I didn't mean to turn this into a mommy blog.

Tell you what. I'm going to get it all out in this one post, k?

Halloween was wonderful as always! I LOVE Halloween! And while we were trick-or-treating, someone wished me a Happy New Year!!! It was very cool. I spun about, with a big ass grin on my face, and said in a happy/surprised/bouncy way, "Yeah, You too!!!!" (Not exactly original, I know. I was just so surprised!) So that made my night.
(Witches' New Year)
Little Diva went to her Halloween dance, and met her first date. (And for those of you paying attention, I never had a mommy-freak-out.) She tried to teach him some dance moves, and he really tried to follow along. I've seen her dance. I wouldn't consider that one of her skills. She does get into it though! Anyway, her date, after trying for awhile, said, "I don't think this is going to work out.", and walked off the dance floor. The end of her first date. *laugh* And in true Diva style, she found a different boy to hang with, and have the last dance with.

She reminds me of Cordelia from the Buffy shows at times.

Teacher Vent:
If I hear "all the other kids are doing it" or "none of the other kids (fill in the blank" even one more time, I am going to put a smack down on the bitch. Seriously. If she just said it to us to give us some perspective on how Diva is doing in class, that's one thing. BUT she is saying it to her.
Two weeks ago, I kept Diva home from school ...to sleep. Yes, that's right. She had been up late (as in 11pm or later) almost every night doing homework. Reading comprehension is not her strongest scholastic trait, and it messes up all her subjects. Anyway, her teacher calls me to find out if she is sick. Whatever. I told her she was exhausted. She called back later to say if Diva was awake and could make it in by 11:30am, she wouldn't be counted absent (They were going for an attendance award.). Little Diva decided on her own to go to school. I was so proud!! When she got there, her teacher was happy to see her. Later, she told diva, "That's ridiculous to stay up that late. No one else stays up that late doing homework." Bitch. Yeah, keep tearing down her self esteem for working her little butt off at home. That'll encourage her.
I hate her teacher, and I hate sending her to that classroom. We need to get her out as soon as possible. Then we can ALL have our lives back.

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If you like me...

-even a little bit- you will click this LINK.

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A must read

Why Not? No Moo For You

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Just cuz I wanted to

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

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Opportunities galore!

We have the opportunity to buy the house we currently live in - with no increase in rent. It's an owner finance thing, not a bank thing. We are seriously considering it. My only fear is that as soon as we sign the contract, everything will break. I have asked a couple people (including my very cool mother-in-law) their opinions, and they all say go for it.

I can't help thinking I'm missing some vital piece of information...

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Things happen so much earlier nowadays

OMG.
I think my ten year old just got asked on her first 'date'! Ya know the sorta dates you can have before either one is old enough to drive...

They are having a dance at her school. A Halloween dance - very cool. I love Halloween!
Anyway, I just found out this boy in a grade above her asked her to the dance. And my very cool kid hasn't given him an answer yet. She did ask him if he knew how to dance, though. :D *laugh* This is too funny.

I'm sure at some point the 'mom freak out' will happen, but right now I'm good.

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Little Diva's weekend...plus

Okay. I suck. At this whole blogging thing anyway...

Last weekend rocked. The Little Diva attracted a lot of attention from a lot of good contacts.
We arrived Friday evening. I ran downstairs to get her registered for the event. We haven't even checked into the hotel yet. While I am getting her badge and stuff, she walks up to the photographer, and says, "Hey, do you remember me?" He did, and started asking about the outfits she had for the weekend. We had no idea why, but we were not going to question it. Any help we can get is welcomed. He has her try on a few different combinations, and then picks one. Little Diva finally asks why he is doing all this. He tells her he is going to take her picture. A free photo shoot? No way!! How cool is that?
He shot a roll of film, and then took a few Polaroids - one of him and her together. That one is great. He wrote all over it: Mr. Photographer & Ms. Supermodel; The good looking people; This is us, etc... All very cute, and the kid loved it!
He then gave us his contact information, and wants us to keep in touch.

And all of that before checking into the hotel. It set a great tone for the weekend.

And to make a long story short, she got 5 callbacks, was recorded for an informative video, and we will probably go with the agency in Atlanta.


While I am on the subject of Little Diva, we have decided to homeschool her. She just isn't learning in public school. She needs more one-on-one --instead of getting in trouble for not paying attention when she truly doesn't understand. She's in fourth grade, and she routinely is up until 11pm or later working on homework. She has to wait until she get home, and we explain it to her before she understands it. Yep, she has a great teacher at school, eh?

We even signed her up for tutoring. You know what they did? Played games on the computer. Granted, they were educational games, but that is not tutoring. Tutoring is helping someone understand so they can do their work.

Can you tell I'm not happy?
I even kept her home today -well, part of the day- because she is so exhausted. Her teacher called to find out if she was sick, and I told her why she stayed home. Good ol' teacher thought it was because we were gone last weekend. Hello! It's Thursday! I would think she would've recovered from last weekend by now. I made sure I told her that the weekend wouldn't have been so bad, but she was up until midnight doing homework Saturday night. I really want to tell that teacher where to go and what to do when she gets there.
This is the same teacher that assumed -because her homework grades are so much better than her grades in school- that we were standing over her giving her the answers. Yeah bitch, that's why she's barely able to keep herself awake: 'Cuz we give her the answers , and she has all kinds of free time & gets to go to bed on time every night, right?

If anyone knows of a good homeschool, -non-Christian, please- let me know.

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Just when you thought you were safe....

This is upsetting,and I thought I should pass it along. Check your drivers
license. Now you can see anyone's license on the
internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it
was...picture and all! Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where is our
right to it? I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the
same....
Go to the website and check it out. Just enter your name, City and state
to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen,
click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public
viewing, but not from law enforcement.


Link to your license

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I'm not dead.

Wow. It has been for-fucking-ever since I've blogged. I feel like such a bum. Actually, I have been anything but a bum...
We've been talking lately how we just want to take a break from our busy schedule.

The weekend of the 1st and 2nd, we cleaned change for Katrina victims. This is change that has been thrown into the fountains at the Mountain Mall in Gatlinburg. Twice a year, the change is fished out of there, and donated to a worthy place. (And it has to be cleaned cuz it's pretty funky after sitting in water all that time.) We threw the change in a cement mixer with sand to buff them up, rinsed it off, and spread on a tarp to dry. Then it all had to be sorted, and put in 5 gallon buckets. Very time consuming, and very rewarding!

The night of the 2nd, I had a meeting to attend.

Tuesdays (4th) are always potlucks - just an excuse for our 'family' to get together. It's always a great time.

5th - Birthday.

6th - Husband was gone that night, and Little Diva's homework was stressing me out (or was it her behavior concerning the work?).

7th - Husband/homework stress repeated. Plus we had people coming here to crash, and spend Saturday with us. (Which, btw, also meant I went through the stress of making sure this place was 'company' clean.)

8th - Everyone here until about 9pm. We had a wonderful time! I love my freaky friends.

9th - I had to leave for the entire day. I had committed myself to something, and followed through.

11th - Open house at Diva's school. Met with her teacher. Potluck again!! Woo hoo!!

Today - Little Diva had a Dr. Appt.

Tomorrow - Little Diva is auditioning for a talent show at her school. Dropping the dogs off for a weekend at a friend's house.

Friday - Leaving for Atlanta, and Diva's opportunity.

16th - Get back from Atlanta. Drum circle (if either of us even feels like going).

17th - Friends are getting handfasted, and there is a dinner that one of us is going to attend. Only one of us cuz Diva will need to get to bed on time that night after her busy weekend.

18th - Potluck!!

19th - Stitch -n- Bitch or Crafty Vixens night. We'll be working on Diva's Goth dress for Halloween. I can't wait! The kid designed it herself. I am so stealing the pattern!!!

21st - Fiber Fair in Asheville.

22nd - Being kept open for a tentative road trip plan.


Etc., etc., etc.

See? Been busy, and I don't like it. Well, not this busy anyway. I need more down time. I've wanted to blog, but I haven't had the energy to do it. Sleep has been a fleeting thing lately too. Color me exhausted for the last six weeks or so. With so many things going on, it's almost impossible to get a good night's sleep. Sucks for the sex drive! Well, not the drive exactly - just the energy it would take to follow through with the idea.

I am really excited about going to Atlanta though. Even tho' we'll be busy, it may be just the break we are both craving. And, of course, in true Me fashion, I have added on extra things that need to be done before we leave Friday: I want to sew at least one pair of pants to wear down there. I got them cut out today. I'm hoping the sewing part won't take too long. AND I hope I have enough time to make two pairs. I'm nuts, I know. I'll relax down there, I promise!!

I'm starving, and I need to get supper started. Then I will try to Just Chill. *grin*

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Hey Cricket!

If you didn't already know about this site, I wanted to tell you. It's right up your alley!

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Aren't you curious now?

I found this on Cyli's blog, and it made me really curious to see what mine was.

The Rules

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag other people if you feel like it.

Here's mine:
(Yes, they spoof the more modern ones, too)

(A real post is coming soon.)

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Damn it!

I missed my blogiversary! It was on Wednesday the 28th.
Weird. My blogiversary and my b-day are exactly a week apart. That's pretty damn cool.

So, one year ago, a pimp talked me into starting a blog. He seemed to think I had a lot to say. He was probably just sick of me bitching to him. *grin*

I started one, and I didn't know how long I would keep up with it. I thought it might just fizzle out. But, lo and behold, I'm still here, and -with the exception of the past couple weeks- I'm still going strong. I love my blog.

Back then, I was just a child in the blogosphere. Very new, with lots to learn. Now, I am eyeballs deep in the bloggy world. I know how to add things to my blog; I've changed the template a few times; I have several daily blog reads; and let's not forget Blogshares. I have grown and progressed as a blogger.

Back then, everyone was anonymous. I was anonymous. Now, I have some really good friends, and even plan on meeting up with one of them to have a girls' night out (or something like that). Back then, I never thought I would meet anyone off the internet. I didn't realize how well you can get to know someone by reading their blog. I do now. I love you, bloggy friends!!!!

I have been extremely glad I had this outlet over the past year. There have been some really pissed off moments, and also, some really happy giddy times. I'm thrilled that I have a record of all that happened. Remembering dates has never been a strong suit of mine, but now I can look something up and know when it happened. That's been really useful - more than I expected.

Thank you, blog pimp. I owe you one.

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Oh yeah.

I found this on PostSecret, and I think it is a fantastic idea!

I may try it...

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Oh, hello again

Wow. I haven't posted for a very long time.

I think it might be stress. I have friends that were in real danger from Rita. The bloggy friends from last time + one, and also some from around here. The last time anyone heard from the locals (as far as I know at this moment) was Friday morning. Luckily, they weren't in Rita's direct path - but still could have been affected by the tropical storms. They are sitting on the north side of Lake P.

Actually, the last we heard from my bloggy friends on the Gulf Coast was Friday, too...

Here's hoping they are alive, kickin' and doing good deeds.


As far as Little Diva goes, she has been behaving a lot better since the Big Scare. Once she realized how serious it was, she became just as terrified as I was. She hasn't been perfect by any means - but what child is? *grin* I haven't kept track, but I don't remember any lies this past week either. Maybe scaring the kid is something that should be done on a regular basis? Nah. I couldn't do that.

My sense of time last week was way off. By at least a day. I hope I didn't have anything I had to do last week, because I was officially without a clue. All week I felt like I was forgetting something, but never could figure out what it was. I must have checked my date book at least five times.

I'm hoping Time will return to me this week -- or at the very least, Days. So far, so good. I know it's Monday. I have somewhere to be Tuesday and Wednesday.
and this weekend, I'll be away.

Financial situation for the extras has improved, but not completely saved up. We have the room reserved for the Atlanta trip (don't have the money to pay for the room yet), our Invitational fee has been sent in, and Little Diva is registered. Now we need to find, work for, or whatever the money to make the trip to Atlanta (gas, food, and such - good thing it's only 3 1/2 to 4 hours away), hotel room, food while in Atlanta, and my fine from Kentucky. Ugh.

My birthday is coming up in a week and a half. My in-laws usually send me money (which I'll add to the pot). This year I really need cash. And a shower curtain - I hate mine. I need a shower curtain that is as transparent (clear, not colored) as possible. Hardly any light gets in there. I don't enjoy showering in the dark.

I am learning how to crochet. How cool is that?!?!? Well, I'm excited anyway. Little Diva wants to learn now. I took her sewing machine to a friend to see if she can figure out the (I think) tension problem. I'll find out on Tuesday. Once that's fixed, I can continue to teach her how to sew. There's lots I need to learn too. And I have a friend that is absolutely positively amazing with all crafts. AND she's willing to teach!!! That is so rare! (Yes, this is the same friend that is teaching me how to crochet.)

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Update

...on this crazy thing that is my life.

I spent the day either making myself sick with panic, or sleeping (to escape the panic).

During one of my escape naps, Child Services wakes me up by knocking on the door. Here's me still panicking, but trying not to show it - cuz that would be like admitting guilt, right?
He asks me some questions, fills out a form, etc. The whole time I'm wondering if he is going to tell me I lost my kid.

Eventually, he gets around to telling me he isn't too concerned. He went to Little Diva's school today, and spoke with her. We must have impressed upon her this morning how serious her dramatics were this time - that it was a very real threat. Anyway, she told him the truth. No lies, no exaggerations. Our stories matched. Thank god she pulled through at a very important time!!!

He said he is required to talk with the parent of a referral. She was referred to him yesterday (by the guidance counselor, I'm assuming).

I am still feeling the aftermath of my physically felt panic, but at least I know they aren't taking my baby away.

AND, now child services has a file on me. What a sucky - but could have been worse - day.

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What do I do?

OMG. OMG. OMG.

I just found out this morning that my kid - Little Diva - told her teacher and the guidance counselor yesterday that I hit her all the time.

These people don't know her. This is a new school for her this year. They don't know why I call her Little Diva, or how she has lied well enough to get us to take her to the ER.

I am in a state of panic. I do not want her to become a ward of the state. Foster home life sucks. Nothing I can tell them will sound okay. Everything will sound like I am just trying to cover my ass.

I don't know how to protect her. It scares the hell out of me to think of someone else raising her. Not just someone else. What if she gets one of those homes where she could be sexually abused??? She's a very pretty girl.

I could just be jumping to worst case scenario here. I don't know how the good ol' state of TN handles child abuse cases. This is the same state that has corporal punishment still in their school system. AND each school she's gone to, I've made it clear they are not allowed to touch her.

Will they automatically believe her? Am I going to have social services paying me a visit, and/or taking her away? I don't think I could bear that. Adults automatically believe kids in abuse cases. How could I possibly get complete strangers to understand the theatre that is my child? They need to know I don't beat my child.

Me: Seriously panicking.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

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Good news!

My toe isn't broken!!

Just sprained.

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Link

This should be required of all humans, and be free. Public education, if you will.

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Possible tag line?

A person is smart; people are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it.
~Quote from "Men in Black"~

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Sheesh.

So.

I may or may not have broken my toe. On a trumpet case, no less.

Also, I have discovered the wonderful world of the seed tick. I walked through a hay field, walking my dogs, and felt pretty itchy. I didn't think much about it. I figured it was the dust from the field or something. These tiny little things were all over my legs, but I didn't notice until hours later. I never knew these little freaks existed.

Both of these events happened on the same day. On a Monday. *laugh*

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Blech.

Hey folks.

I've been in a really weird head space lately. I think it's stress related, but I can't be sure. Might just be a phase. For instance, last Saturday I skipped something that is usually very important to me. It's a once-a-month event, and I ALWAYS go. But I felt like spending time with my family (ya know, the people I live with and see everyday). If you knew what individuals we all are, you would understand how odd that is.

I'm also trying to get a job. Short-term work. We need money for a couple of different things before October 16th. We actually need another $230 before next week. It's the extra stuff that pops up every now and then. Our normal day-to-day financial stuff is fine.

One of the things is Little Diva's annual "parade in front of the agents" as I call it. Normally, it is in April. For some reason, they have decided to hold the event in October this year. Works perfect for the little one, not so perfect when it comes to money. There is no tax return in October.

The other thing is my fine from my Kentucky accident. Yuck. I say it again: Yuck.

I've also been feeling very depressed and helpless with the disaster that calls itself Katrina. I've been very impressed with how everyone has been pulling together to help out. I have no way to relate to the victims. I feel for every person and animal that was (or still is) stranded down there. I go into panic mode each time I hear another letter of the alphabet has been assigned. Like Ophelia. Maybe that's why we are in dire need of rainfall. Collective panic keeping the storms away.

I'm also feeling a personal loss. I didn't have friends or family down there. But as long as I can remember, I have loved New Orleans. The people, the culture, how different it is from any other place, etc. AND I've never been there. I have always felt it call to me. I've been planning for years to make it down there. The history alone is amazing!! I've wanted to stroll through the Garden District, and gaze upon the old, beautiful houses. I've wanted to visit the run-down cemeteries. I've wanted to visit the cathedral-like churches. There is so much I have wanted to absorb and observe. That's where the loss comes in. I never made it down there. I am grieving for a city and all it represents. And it is just killing me. I hope they rebuild the city. I hope the people move back home. That's what made the city special. That's what created it's culture. That's who is a part of history. The people. I wish them well.

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Some random quotes.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Author unknown~

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life. -- Brooke Shields

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -- Al Capone [Also attributed to Johnny Carson. Ed.]

And last, but not least...
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.



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Anyone else feeling like this?

I've been feeling weird lately. Weird as in anti-computer. I think I am slowly getting back into my normal routine, but this is such a strange experience for me. I love my computer. I can always find something to do on it. Lately though, I have had trouble coming up with ideas. I've really been struggling just to do my normal stuff. I find I am more in the mood to channel surf from the couch than to Google search.

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Feeling helpless...

One of my favorite bloggy friends went down to New Orleans to help. That's what she does. She's amazing. She is having someone else take care of her blog while she's gone, but she has been able to post a couple things. I think what she ISN'T saying is impacting me more than what she is. It's rough down there, folks. Worse than I could ever imagine.

Thought I'd pass this on: If anyone reads Boomr's blog, he's safe. If anyone knows of any other blogger's that live in the disaster area, and you know of their condition, please inform the rest of us.

And to put a personal face on this whole thing, read this.

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I know I'm pagan, but...

I had some deep thoughts today.

I was thinking about the Bible. Christians use it to defend their faith, their beliefs, their actions... But if the entire book is Holy, how do they know which parts to disregard? How do they know what commands to follow, and which ones are 'outdated'? There are lots of things that are just thrown out. How can anything written by the Holy Spirit be disregarded?

For instance, stoning is not a common punishment anymore, but it says to do it under certain circumstances in the Bible.

Maybe it is meant as a guide, and not to be taken literally. But if that's true, why is the Bible always stated as fact?

I don't want this to be misunderstood. I think a lot of what Jesus had to teach is valid. In fact, he and I agree on quite a bit. He taught compassion, equality, loving another as yourself, and to have great tolerance.

However, these beliefs are now looked at as liberal by most Christians. Not in words, but in actions. For instance, why have a debate on homosexuality? If humans aren't to judge one another, we can't make that decision. We are to be there, with tolerance and compassion, to support our fellow human being. Look at how Jesus treated the thieves. He did not judge them, or ban them from the Kingdom of Heaven. Now if someone, that broke one of the Ten Commandments, was treated with such kindness from Jesus himself, how do we compare? How dare we use His words to further our own gains? That is NOT what he preached. That is NOT what his actions showed us.

It frustrates me to no end that Christians will throw the Bible around like a shield, but not bother to read it themselves. Yes, this is a blanket generalization. I know there are true Christians out there. But look at what the media shows us. "Conservative Christians" is the term, I think. I wonder what 'conservative' applies to. Using as little of the Bible as possible? I am condemned for my liberal views, while these leaders are the ones that should be my example of the Bible's teachings. Doesn't that make them hypocrites? How does that get you into the Kingdom of Heaven?


(All of this started cuz I got sucked into a rerun of Dawson's Creek, while channel surfing. See? TV does make us do things. Bad TV.)

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*happy dance*

I love my bloggy friends. One in particular. She just became fake filthy rich over on Blogshares, and felt the need to gift me 25 million. How freaking cool is that???

I am fake rich!! Not filthy yet, but getting there.

Thanks, Cricket!!

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Too perfect.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.


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Well, that's just great.

So.

Psycho bitch reared her scary head again. I'm supposed to go out tonight with a really good friend, have a really good time, and return home in a really good mood.

Be afraid, friend. Be very afraid.

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I apologize

Sorry guys. I am going to try what was suggested by Pretty College Girl. This means y'all have to enter a code to leave a comment. A hassle, I know, but I don't want any more real estate people knocking on my blog's door.

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Do-Not-Call list

Is there a No Spam list I can join to keep these freaks out of my comments?

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#28 through #36 of my 100 compliments

Yesterday, I was visiting a fellow Summer of Compliments participant -Cyli- and she had a lot of great sites listed. I've added a few to my blogroll, and I also think they deserve to be complimented. Thanks for the tip, Cyli!!

The Sneeze. Wow. It's rare that a blog can make me laugh the first time I visit, but this one did. I need to spend some time looking at all the other stuff on here.

Query Letters I Love. These are great. Failed script ideas. Too funny. I almost feel sorry for the people in Hollywood that have to go through all the bad ideas to find the good ones. At least, this person found something creative to do with them!!

Postsecret. I can't believe I didn't mention this one before. It's wonderful people have a place to unburden themselves. Genius idea!

For F*cks Sake!. She is very witty. I read all the posts on the first page, and will dig into the archives. She sounds like the kind of person I would like to hang out with in real life. Plus, who can fault anyone with great hair?

Dear Abby's Waste Bin. Oh hell yes! It's about time someone addressed the pathetic/desperate/morons in this fashion.

Captain Picard's Journal. I'm a geek. I freely admit it. And as such, I get the biggest kick from this blog. Especially since it isn't just Jean-Luc that posts. There are posts from Q and Geordi... Too cool!

Bubblehead. Anyone that can make my ex-Navy man laugh, scores major points with me! Plus, I get to understand that part of his life now. Thank you.

Big Time Drama in the Adjoining Cubicle. Oh yeah! This goes right along with "Overheard in New York" and "Overheard in the Office" (check my sidebar). I love love love crazy funny silly weird snippets of real people's conversations.

Where the Hell Was I?. This dude is an aspiring stand-up comic, and he has my vote! He was cracking me up in his profile section! That says something. Also, I have to admire someone that doesn't stay bogged down at a job he hates, and was able to pick a wife that'll move right along with him.

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Poem for girls (email gift)

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an important date.
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!?!

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Eeek!

So, apparently there was an earthquake last night. In NC or the border of NC and TN...
That explains why my house shook last night.

Did I ever mention that earthquakes terrify me?

We used to live in Anchorage, AK, and I felt tremors all the time. One of the reasons why we moved.

I know it is very rare for the earth to open up, and swallow a house or whatever whole, but I fear being buried alive. Something Poe and I have in common. And even if it doesn't swallow my house, what if the house collapses and I get buried that way?

And I just found out today (and wish I hadn't) that the Appalachians are on a fault line, and there are tiny earthquakes all the time.

My first impulse is to run. But I love where I live, and all my freaky friends...

Guess I have to face this fear, eh? How? How do I stop being scared of waking up in a coffin unable to get out? How do I get to the point where I'm okay with that happening?

Any tips?

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Why?

How can two people be so compatible in bed, but just can't get their timing right to get there? Wouldn't it be easier if they both wanted it at the same time? Why does it have to be so hard?

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About time my talents were noticed!!

Get your position here

Thanks, Cyli!

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Did you know...

there is actually a song titled "People are stupid"??? I didn't ,but I can assure you I will be burning it to disc soon.

People Are Stupid
by 30 Foot Fall
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm surrounded by Idiots everyday
Frustrated by the games that people play
Confused by what the t.v says I need
Lost in space and ugly too
people act like they've been sniffing glue
Never questioning the things that they believe
Freedom of choice must be a joke
just look at all the people that cannot cope
I've got something I want to say to them
There's a lot of stuff that I can do
That doesn't mean I have to impose on you
If you take offense to common sense
That's your problem
I can do what I want
Listern to some Slayer and play nintendo all night long
Racism sucks and so do you
If you hate somebody cause they're not like you
And that goes for homophobia, zenophobia, and classism too
I can sit around and masturbate
have different coloured friends that I don't hate
It doesn't matter if you don't approve
I can stick my finger up my nose
Never take a bath or change my clothes
And my underarms can ruin someone's day
I can ride a float in the gay parade
Terrorize the christian right for a day
And Sing homophobes are just pissed 'cause they can't get laid
I can do what I want
Go to school and read the necronomicon
I can do what I want

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The day I ran screaming for my vehicle to play the most 'evil' song I could find

Last Saturday we had a family outing. Little Diva brought home a paper that told us fantabulous things like games, sno cones, some kind of slide, hot dogs, etc. were happening. And it was all free!!! My kind of outing (as long as I don't have to eat the hot dogs). Here's the real bonus: it was local!! At some Lutheran church...

Normally, as a pagan, I try not to venture into 'enemy camp'. A lot of the stuff drives me crazy. I'm all for everyone having their own beliefs. It's when they begin to parrot what others told them, without any research of their own... That's when my brain feels on the verge of popping.

Anyhoo.

When we arrived, we saw very few children. We were told they were inside (with the AC) watching a clown. Wow! These people really went all out!! I followed my kid inside, and a few minutes later (if that), I walked back out into the heat. As soon as I saw this "clown" (painted face, red nose -- where was the goofy hair or outlandish clothes??) and heard him asking the children about getting into heaven, I had to leave. Again, clown guy can have whatever beliefs he wants, but how is that entertainment?? My husband described to me the ESP cards "clown" was using, and one of them had a picture of Jesus. The "clown" informed the young minds that, "Jesus was the name of all names".

I swear I almost went up and talked to him after his act. The book Christianity bases it's beliefs on, was written in Hebrew (mostly). And they did not consider Jesus to be the name of all names. In fact, they were unable to speak God's name. It was referred to as the Tetragrammaton. They would use other names that meant the same, but not as sacred. As a result, the true pronunciation has been lost through time. It was one of those words they didn't mark what the vowels were supposed to be. Why would they? They all knew His name.

I swallowed my urges, and remained pleasant. After all, I just wanted my kid to have a good time.

That's when she started playing games ...and winning prizes. And what prizes they were!! There was a stress ball to squeeze that is supposed to look like the Earth, but I can't find one familiar continent among the green splotches, and it says "He holds the whole world in his hands." And squeezes it??? Lots of stuff with WWJD slogans on it (pencils, etc). There was one very special prize. I had a giggle fit right there on the church lawn. It was this little coloring/activity book that said "Happy Birthday Jesus!" on the cover. I started paging through it. I was looking at this supposed-to-be holy children's coloring book, and I could not believe the humiliation they put Jesus through. For instance, there was a manger scene (obviously the birth of Jesus) with Mom, Dad, and Baby Jesus dressed in period clothing ...with a bunch of helium balloons above their heads! Another page was a maze - "Help the angels find Jesus". Yeah, cuz angels make a habit out of getting lost. And when did Jesus ever have birthday cake???

That book may have been the icing, but the cake was this puppy they were trying to give away. He was very very cute, as puppies always are ...from a distance. When he got close, it was apparent he had some sort of skin condition or disease or something. Also, when my husband pet it, he said it's little ribs were sticking out. He was too fluffy to see them w/o petting. And they wanted to give this poor little diseased puppy away?

Luckily, by that time, we were able to go. Neither one of us could take it anymore. We were laughing too hard at all the absurdities. And, to be honest, I didn't want to be overheard.

At least Little Diva had a good time!

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The Stella Awards

The Stellas are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little Toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car while he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the rear end by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson, of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:

This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, OK. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not explaining in the owner's manual that cruise control isn't automatic pilot. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home.


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Anyone else feeling off?

I was really looking forward to Mercury going Direct. These last few weeks have been really hard. This is surprising. Usually I can sail right through a Mercury Retrograde. Probably that hippie, go-with-the-flow outlook I have.

Not this time. I'm still feeling ...off.

Here's an example. Usually, if I am going to step outside to smoke, I'll grab one cigarette, the lighter, and head out the door. These past few weeks, I have started to grab just the one cig, and then I think to myself, "What if something pisses me off while I'm out there? I'll want to smoke more." So I grab all my cigs, and head out the door. What the hell is going to piss me off within 10 minutes of being outside -- by myself, no less?!?!

It's odd things like this that have me concerned.

I just wish I understood what was going on...

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I was driving along, just cruising, enjoying myself, enjoying the music I have cranked up...

I see something flying towards me. It's a piece of metal (thin, like an antenna, but still metal).

Picture 'debris' in the movie Twister.

I freak the fuck out, duck, and this thing slams into my windshield.

Now I have two spots of broken glass to look at while driving -- AND one is right in the middle of the driver's vision.

Yes, Cricket, I was having a bizarro day.

In case you haven't guessed already, this was while driving into no-brains-land yesterday.

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I would love to be on the giving end of this...

Who said men don't have a sensitive side?

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling --

"Well, how was it?"

The guy says..

















"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."


What kind of collection could I have that guys would be interested in? I would need a lot of bottom shelf stuff.

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I had to get up and leave early this morning. Remember the accident I had in Kentucky? Today was my court date. Mapquest timed it at 2hr 43min. (I made it in 2hr 8min.) The time to be there was 9:30am. I left here at 6:30am - That's only a 15 min cushion to allow for traffic, getting lost, etc.! I just HAD to make good driving time!! :D
When I was there early, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to go inside, because courthouses always have that brain numbing quality about them. (Tangent: I really need to find a new book to read. I'm going crazy!!)

Picture the show Night Court, but with the sun shining. That's where I was today. Just not funny.

AND, of course, they are going in alphabetical order. My last name begins with a T. Oy! They finally get to S. I'm next! I'm next!
Oh wait. No, I'm not. They suddenly must take care of a court matter -- and all of us have to leave the room. Great.
The least they could do is to provide a smoking area, but noooooooo... If I wanted to do that, I'd have to ride the elevator down to the main floor, go out the front door... But I just knew that by the time I got back, court would be back in session, and I would have missed my "I'm next!" opportunity. Can't have that.

These are the times I wish I had a laptop. Anyone know of one they can donate to my cause?

While sitting on the floor in the hallway, (writing in my notebook, buffing my nails) I notice this guy. He looks like he's been through the court system SEVERAL times. And he's staring at me. S t a r i n g. My god, I know I'm hot, but dude needs to learn to be discreet. Then smart guy (ever so casually) walks past me, waits a minute or two, then turns back to resume his spot on the wall. Oh, but look!! He has chosen a place closer to me. Brilliant. Didn't see that coming. A few minutes later, he squats down. To be more on my level, I can only presume. Once again, he shows he has the Mensa Seal of Approval. Oh, surprise of surprises!! He moved again. Now we are sharing a corner. Like the view down my shirt? I know I do.

My question is this:If I'm hot enough for HIM to stare at, what makes him think I would lower my standards to suit him?

Final diagnosis: Courtrooms should have clocks.


Wow. That rambled.

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